COnsequences of Divorce_Final

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1 The Consequences of Divorce on the Family STUDENT School of Behavioral Sciences, Liberty University CCOU301: Christian Counseling for Marriage and Family (B03) Mrs. Jennifer Russell July 5, 2023

2 The Consequences of Divorce on the Family In a post-modern society that seems to move further away from God with each passing day, it may come as no surprise that divorce rates in the United States remain high, where 1.2 million marriages take place yearly, meaning that approximately four to five out of every ten marriages will not last (Balswick & Balswick, 2014, p. 301) The divorce rate in the United States peaked in 1979 with 22.5 divorces per 1,000 married couples (p. 301). Furthermore, while rates have steadily declined to about 14.0 divorces per 1,000 marriages as of 2021 (Marino, 2022), marriage may not seem worth the time and effort to many. Moreover, regarding marriages that end in divorce, the average length is seven years, with the highest risk for divorce within the second to third years of marriage (Balswick & Balswick, 2014, p. 301). Risk Factors for Divorce There are many reasons for divorce, but there is no sure-fire way of predicting whether a marriage will end in divorce. However, several research studies have found correlations between certain factors and marriages that end in divorce. One such risk factor is marrying young; couples who marry in their teen years are much more likely to divorce, while adults who wait until their mid-twenties enjoy more stable marriages (Balswick & Balswick, 2014, p. 302). Teens are often not developed psychologically to handle a relationship as demanding as marriage. Other aggravating considerations include financial strain due to lower socioeconomic class or teenage pregnancy (p. 302). Surprisingly, adults who wait until their thirties to marry are almost as likely to divorce, possibly because by the time people reach their 30s, they have often developed set schedules and ways of doing things. Thus, they have a difficult time adjusting to accommodate the new spouse (p. 302).

3 Research suggests that divorce rates are lowest among men with college degrees and those with little education, while the rate increases among men with only some high school training (Balswick & Balswick, 2014, p. 302). Regarding ethnicity, the divorce rate is highest among blacks and lowest among ethnic groups from the Far Eastern region. Jews are less likely to divorce than Catholics, and Catholics are less likely to get married than Protestants (p. 302). Another important factor to consider is whether there are large differences between the spouses (heterogony- versus- homogeny), as the more a couple shares in common when it comes to religion, social class, age, or ethnicity, the more likely their marriage is to be successful (Balswick & Balswick, 2014, p. 302). Causes of Divorce It is impossible to point to one specific cause of divorce, as there are usually many complex reasons why individuals seek marital dissolution. Also, many couples cannot point to one specific reason because they each have their own individual reasons. In a 2013 study, Scott et al. interviewed a sample of 52 individuals (18 heterosexual couples, plus 16 individuals whose former spouses were unknown) who participated in marriage preparation but later divorced. When asked about reasons for the end of their marriage, lack of commitment was the top answer, with 75 percent of individuals citing it as their reason (Scott et al., 2013, Table 1). Lack of commitment was followed by infidelity or extramarital affairs at 59.6 percent and conflict and arguments at 57.7 percent (Scott et al., 2013, Table 1). Other notable contributors included domestic violence, religious differences, finances, and getting married too young (Scott et al., 2013, Table 1). Cultural change also seems to be an influence on marriage. Women have more opportunities, meaning they depend on their husbands less economically than before (Balswick

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4 & Balswick, 2013, p. 303). Furthermore, divorce has become less stigmatized, and divorce laws have become more liberal, making it almost too easy to obtain a divorce (p. 303). What many laws, lobbyists, and even some research seem to fail to account for are the consequences of divorce. Divorce is never an easy decision, but it is critical that both individuals consider the potential pros and cons. Consequences of Marriage Divorce for Her Economic Consequences Like every other decision one makes in life, there will always be benefits and potential pitfalls. Studies seem to focus mostly on how getting divorced affects the ex-wife. When considering the effects of divorce on a woman’s life, they seem to suffer the most financially. While the dependence of women on a spouse’s income appears to be on the decline, women are still likely to suffer disproportionate drops in household income following divorce (Leopold, 2018, p. 770). Compared to their former husbands, women often experience a decline in their standard of living of up to 27 percent (Leopold, 2018, p. 771). One year following divorce, women are still unable to compensate for the loss of their spouse’s income, with most receiving an income equal to two-thirds of what their ex-husbands make (Leopold, 2018, p. 771). Additionally, research suggests that women are more likely to face housing insecurity and are more likely to lose homeownership than men, and their housing quality is worse. (p.772). One of the biggest reasons women experience more economic hardships than men is that women are most likely to retain custody of the children (Leopold, 2018, p. 771). Having resident children has many implications for divorced women. First, their economic need is greater than the former spouse who did not receive custody of the children, and often this economic need is

5 not fully compensated for by child maintenance payments (p. 771). While there are several welfare programs aimed at closing the gap, reliance on such programs does not guarantee financial security, mostly due to their selective nature and strict eligibility requirements that prevent many women from getting the help they and their children desperately need (Endeweld et al., 2021, p. 80) And, even if women are approved for welfare programs, the benefit levels often leave much to be desired (p. 80) The second implication that many do not consider is a lack of human capital. Women who are left to parent solo typically find themselves having to focus on providing a secure financial base for their children, so they do not have the support needed to attend schools and other training programs that provide the knowledge and attributes that make them more attractive on the job market (Van Winkle & Leopold, 2021, p. 1). Psychological and Social Consequences Consequences are not only limited to finances; women also face several psychological and social consequences. For example, more often than not, women are the custodial parents, so they face the challenge of parenting solo, which is a lonely endeavor at times (Leopold, 2018, p. 774). Also, women are 20 percent less likely to repartner within 10 years of divorce than their ex-husbands because the attitude that older adults are less attractive on the dating market affects women more negatively than men (Leopold, 2018, p. 774). Not all consequences are bad, however. Many women perform the majority of domestic tasks than their husbands, and research suggests that, following divorce, women reduce the total number of hours they spend performing such chores, providing them with moderate relief (Leopold, 2018, p. 772). Moreover, women are more likely to initiate divorce. While divorce is not the desired outcome in marital conflict, many women suffer a great deal during the pre- divorce years and are thus more likely than men to experience relief after initiating divorce (p.

6 773). Lastly, studies that have compared the health of men and women suggest women fare better than men because they are more likely post-divorce to make positive adaptations (p. 773). Consequences of Divorce for Him While husbands may not suffer as greatly financially as their former wives, many do see a slight decrease in their income post-divorce (Endeweld et al., 2021, p. 79). However, the good news is that men who contributed 80 percent or more of their household’s income while married actually experience an improvement in their income and standard of living post-divorce (p. 79). Health and Well-being One area where men experience the greatest declines following divorce is in their health when compared to women. According to Leopold (2018), men are more vulnerable to the adverse health effects associated with divorce, primarily because they are more likely to develop bad health habits (p. 770). Also, divorced men face elevated mortality rates. Whereas women experience a disproportionate decline in their economic status, men see a disproportionate decline in their well-being involving their mental health and satisfaction with family life (Leopold, 2018, p. 773). First, for men who embraced traditional gender roles during the course of their marriage, divorce is especially difficult because they are not used to performing the same level of domestic tasks (p. 772). Furthermore, men and women adapt to marriage dissolution on different timelines. Because women are more sensitive to marital conflict and often initiate divorce proceedings, they have likely done most of their grieving. Conversely, men are not as sensitive, so divorce usually causes them more distress (p. 773). Remarriage In general, men are more likely than women to remarry within 10 years of divorce (Leopold, 2018, p. 774). There are several possible reasons for this. One possible contributing

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7 factor is that men tend to make more money, making them more desirable (Endeweld et al., 2021, p. 80). Another factor that likely contributes to higher rates of remarriage in men is that men are often less likely to gain primary custody of their children (Leopold, 2018, p. 773). Parental Alienation Despite not being the custodial parent making men more likely to remarry post-divorce, most men would rather have their children. One of the greatest challenges for divorced fathers is the anxiety and uncertainty surrounding maintaining contact with their children (Leopold, 2018, p. 773). For this reason, divorce can be especially devastating. One of the most distressing consequences of divorce for men is the potential for parental alienation. In cases of parental alienation, the preferred parent engages in long-term coercion and manipulation with the primary goal of generating tenuous feelings of resentment toward the non- custodial (or targeted) parent (Roma et al., 2021, p. 1196). Research indicates that mothers are more likely to engage in alienating behaviors than fathers (p. 1197). These behaviors vary, including disparaging the targeted parent in front of the child, impeding the child’s communication with the targeted parent, telling the child the targeted parent is dangerous and no longer loves him or her, and even asking the child to spy on the other parent (p. 1197). Fathers who transition to becoming nonresident fathers experience a myriad of challenges psychologically and emotionally. Following a divorce and subsequent separation from their children, they may feel frustrated, helpless, defeated, and socially isolated (Roma et al., 2021, p. 1197). Further exacerbating their mental ill-health, fathers do not receive the same emotional support as mothers do. Their grief is not openly acknowledged; they receive no validation, and their losses are not publicly mourned (Violi et al., 2022, p. 3). Between facing immense amounts of grief alone and being unjustly alienated from their children, it is no wonder the male mortality

8 rate increases by 133 percent in the first two years following the end of their marriage (Violi et al., 2022, p. 2). Children and Divorce With all of the turmoil surrounding the ex-spouses, it can be easy to forget that there are children involved. After all, when parents split, the parents’ lives are not the only ones changed. Current research estimates that only 60 percent of children reside with both biological parents (D’Onofrio & Emery, 2019, p. 100). The other 40 percent of their peers are more likely to experience depression, academic problems, disruptive behavior, and other adjustment problems (p. 100). Further, they are at increased risk for unsafe sexual practices, poverty, and family instability later in life (p. 100). Neglect Divorce proceedings often cause extreme stress for the parents, which dramatically increases the risks for depression, anxiety, and substance use disorders (Schaan et al., 2019, p. 92). Because of these heavy burdens, the parents may become so lost in their emotional turmoil that the children find themselves without the emotional support they need (p. 92). Also, as mentioned previously, children often become caught between their parents in cases of parental alienation or when one or both parents use the child as a messenger (p. 92). Children also experience physical neglect when their parents are so overcome with grief or mental illness that they cannot physically care for the child. For example, parents may not be able to cook meals, take their kids to see the doctor, or purchase new clothing for their children (Schaan et al., 2019, p. 92). Parents may suffer from extreme irritability and poor emotional regulation, leading them to lash out physically toward their children (p. 92). Psychological and Social Well-being

9 One concern for children of divorced parents is how they view relationships and how they might form social networks in the future. Research indicates they are less likely to form secure relationship styles (Schaan et al., 2019, p. 92). Moreover, children of divorced parents are more sensitive to rejection in adulthood and experience more anxiety in social interactions, which impedes their ability to develop stable social networks throughout life (p. 92). Adolescents with divorced parents report feeling lonelier than their peers who reside in dual-parent households (p. 92). Even in young adulthood, the children of divorce parents report higher levels of overall chronic stress, more social isolation, chronic worry, and dissatisfaction at work (Schaan et al., 2019, p. 96). In a study of young women, many reported problems with depression, anxiety, alcohol and drug use, and aggressive behavior (p. 91). Young adults have also reported increased levels of childhood trauma and reduced overall well-being and resilience (p. 91). Children Who Engage in Parental Alienation Behaviors Lastly, fathers are not the only victims in cases of parental alienation. Parental alienation is a complex and hostile form of psychological abuse toward a child that often results in the child rejecting one parent in favor of the other (Roma et al., 2021, p. 1196). Because it is not natural for a child to reject their parents, parental alienation can be traumatic, with serious implications for their mental health and overall welfare (p. 1196). Children who bend to the whims of the preferred parent (alienating parent) often experience self-hatred, increased unhappiness and helplessness, and feel unwanted by the targeted parent. Furthermore, some negative outcomes associated with alienating behaviors include depression and anxiety, acting out, substance use, low self-esteem, and poor academic performance (p. 1197).

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10 So, it is for these reasons that the preferred parent must carefully consider how they should speak of and act toward their former spouse. Even if one ex-spouse considers the other an enemy for one reason or another, the book of Luke cautions: “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28, New International Version). Not only are parents responsible for their children's physical, emotional, and psychological health, but God has also charged each parent with their spiritual well-being. Children learn from watching their parents, so parents must lead by example. Conclusion Couples who divorce usually do so after an extended period of unhappiness and denial. Moreover, in a culture where relationship breakdown is becoming the norm and where divorce is almost encouraged, marriage is not going to get easier (Balswick & Balswick, 2014, p. 304). However, having a happy marriage is not impossible. Scripture paints a clear picture of God’s intention for marriage; when two people wed, God wants the marriage to be a mutual and unconditional commitment (p. 311). One aspect most failing marriages lack is grace. Both spouses will make mistakes, but an atmosphere of grace allows for forgiveness and healing in times of trouble. Reciprocal grace encourages both spouses to engage in the marriage and to each use their unique gifts to work through differences. Such conflict-management skills empower the couple to fight for their marriage and to lift one another up (p. 302). There is a third party in every Christian marriage, however. Christian couples committed to a lasting marriage must allow God into their marriage. There are no perfect people, meaning that neither spouse is perfect. Because of humankind’s fallen state, all marriages will experience

11 issues like disagreements, and all spouses will hurt each other in some capacity. Those who seek God regularly, through joint devotional activities and involvement in a Church community, for example, report higher relationship quality (Balswick & Balswick, 2014, p. 303). Lastly, it is critical to point out that research shows that people in fulfilling marriages have better physical, psychological, social, and emotional health (p. 300).

12 References Balswick, J., & Balswick J. (2014). The family: A Christian perspective on the contemporary home . (4th ed.). Baker Academic. D’Onofrio, B., & Emery, R. (2019, February 1). Parental divorce or separation and children’s Mental Health . World psychiatry : Official journal of the World Psychiatric Association (WPA). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6313686/#:~:text=Research%20has%20 documented%20that%20parental,)%2C%20and%20depressed%20mood2. Endeweld, M., Herbst-Debby, A., & Kaplan, A. (2021). Do the privileged always win? economic consequences of divorce by income and gender groups. Social Indicators Research , 159 (1), 77–100. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11205-021-02733-4 Leopold, T. (2018). Gender differences in the consequences of divorce: A study of multiple outcomes. Demography, 55(3), 769–797. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13524-018-0667-6 Marino, F. (2022). Divorce rate in the U.S.: Geographic variation , 2021. Family Profiles, FP- 22-26. Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family & Marriage Research. https://doi.org/10.25035/ncfmr/fp-22-26 Roma, P., Marchetti, D., Mazza, C., Ricci, E., Fontanesi, L., & Verrocchio, M. C. (2021). A comparison of MMPI-2 profiles between parental alienation cases and custody cases. Journal of Child and Family Studies , 31 (5), 1196–1206. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826- 021-02076-1 Schaan, V. K., Schulz, A., Schächinger, H., & Vögele, C. (2019). Parental divorce is associated with an increased risk to develop mental disorders in women. Journal of Affective Disorders , 257 , 99–91. https://doi.org/https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2019.06.071

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13 Scott, S. B., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., Allen, E. S., & Markman, H. J. (2013). Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention: Implications for Improving Relationship Education. Couple & family psychology , 2 (2), 131–145. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032025 Van Winkle, Z., & Leopold, T. (2021). Family size and economic wellbeing following divorce: The United States in comparative perspective. Social Science Research, 96, 102541. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssresearch.2021.102541 Violi, D., Kwok, C., Lewis, P., & Wilson, N. J. (2022). Nonresident fathers’ voice: Marginalized, disempowered, and silenced. American Journal of Men’s Health, 16(4). https://doi.org/10.1177/15579883221115594

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