Overcoming Perfectionism: A Journey from Anxiety to Acceptance

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School

Middlesex County College *

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Course

101

Subject

Philosophy

Date

Oct 30, 2023

Type

docx

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Uploaded by MateArmadillo1644

I stare at the clock, tick-tocking, wondering if I did well on my tests and if I should have taken more time. I wonder if I did enough to pass the test. However, I knew that even passing would not be enough to satisfy me. I stare at the test paper and see that I received a score of ninety-five, but I'm still disappointed that it's not a hundred. Even if I had scored a perfect hundred, it still wouldn't make me feel any better about myself. I used to live in constant fear of letting people down. It was a burden that I placed on myself. I spent a lot of time questioning my abilities and trying to figure out how I could improve. These thoughts made me feel increasingly anxious. During my younger years, I had a difficult time with art. Every time I attempted to create something, I struggled. I once attempted to discard my work, but my teacher always prevented me from doing so. In a way, one could argue that perfectionism was a kind of mistreatment that I had inflicted on myself. This tendency to strive for perfection had caused me a lot of harm and stress., I persisted with my unrealistic expectations of myself. However, I now understand that this perfectionism originated from a desire to please others. I used to be a perfectionist, and while it helped me work hard and give my best, it also had its downsides. My high standards made me feel like I was never good enough, even when I tried my hardest. I think my perfectionism was a way to please those around me and overcome my fear of failure. However, it affected not only the amount of time I spent on work but also the way I saw myself. I always wanted my appearance to be flawless, not just my work, because I strived to be perfect in everything I did. It was an impossible goal, but I wanted to do everything right and

excel in every aspect of my life. I can vividly recall my freshman year in high school when I was attending government and politics classes. This is where my stress levels hit an all-time high. I was seated on my chair attentively listening to Ms. Canny, my teacher, as she spoke about the next assignment that was due. One moment I was hearing her speak, and the next, I felt like I couldn't breathe. My body began to shake, and I felt faint. I had to leave the room and rush to the bathroom. I sat on the floor, trying to calm myself down, but it took a while. It was at that moment that I realized I had just experienced my first panic attack. Unfortunately, it was not the last. This led me to question whether school was worth the stress it was causing me. Many people would have thought that I could stop the pressure on myself, but I couldn't. I wanted to make my family proud, and no matter what I did, it never seemed enough. My mom would always find something to complain about, whether it was because my room wasn't spotless or because I had forgotten to take out the trash. Growing up, she never had to worry about my grades because I had always been on top of them. I would do everything possible to get extra credit or to achieve the highest grade. I used to always feel exhausted and anxious due to constant stress. Eventually, this stress led me into depression, and I realized that I could not continue putting this kind of pressure on myself. As time passed, I stopped caring about what people thought of me and stopped striving for perfection because nobody can be perfect. Perfectionism is not something I would wish on anyone as it is a difficult struggle that affects many individuals. Society puts immense pressure on a lot of people, especially females, to be perfect. Being a woman, you are always judged

based on your clothing. If you wear something too short or revealing, people might perceive you as easy or have no self-respect. On the other hand, if you dress too conservatively, you might be seen as a prude.

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