Kimber Bergstrom_My Personality Theory

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Erik Erikson’s Eight Stages Kimber Bergstrom (5544884) American Public University System Dec 1, 2023 PSYC221: Personality Theories Dr. Angela Adame-Smith

Erik Erikson posited that personality development is an ongoing process throughout a person’s life span and does not stop once a person reaches adolescence, as other theorists have outlined in their works. This theory best describes the way my personality has and continues to develop. I notice my personality changing frequently even though I am 38 years old, and none of the other theories can or do explain the changes. I am also able to point to specific stages that I have not navigated successfully and how they have affected my life up to this point in time and my personality throughout my life span. Throughout this paper, I will break down Erikson’s eight stages of personality development, show how my life experiences correlate to each stage, and also discuss some limitations the theory has in being able to explain all personalities. Erikson’s Theory Erikson’s theory can be broken down into eight distinct stages ranging from birth to what Erikson termed “old age” or 85 years of age and older. His daughter, Joan Erikson later added a ninth stage as life spans became longer, but I will not be including that as it was not one of the original stages laid out by Erik Erikson himself. During each stage, a person must resolve a psychological crisis in the form of two conflicting states, and as each is successfully resolved the individual acquires basic virtues and is better prepared to face future challenges. However, failure leads to difficulty navigating the future and has a profound impact on sense of self, and personality. They are left feeling inadequate (Sutton, 2023). Each virtue or strength builds upon the previous ones, like a puzzle until a complete personality is formed by the time a person reaches the end of their life and is ready to look back and reflect upon said life. Childhood The first part of Erikson’s theory encompasses childhood, from birth to around 12 years old. Stage one is Infancy and lasts to roughly 18 months of age. At this point in a child’s life, the world is new and scary, and they are completely dependent on their parents. The crisis that must be faced at this time is trust vs. mistrust. The infant, being totally dependent on caregivers, must develop the trust that their needs for food, shelter, and comfort will be met. If these needs are met consistently and in a timely manner, the infant will develop trust and a sense of security in the world. No caregiver is perfect or able to immediately address the child’s needs each time and this can also be useful to the child later in life. It teaches the child that the world is not perfect, and they will have to deal with obstacles during their life, but they are still secure in the knowledge that with time all of their basic needs can and will be met. However, if the needs are not met, the infant may begin to become anxious, or suspicious of the world at large, believing it to be an unpredictable and unsafe place. Stage two covers Early Childhood from 18 months to three years and the child must deal with Autonomy Vs. Shame. Once a child reaches this timeframe they are able to do more things on their own and explore the world around them. Allowing a child, the freedom to make choices and have some control over their life and environment, such as picking out clothes or what they 1

want to eat, gives them a higher level of independence and a feeling of being able to survive in the larger world. During stage two, parents should expect and encourage their child to explore limits, gently stretching them, while avoiding criticism when they fail. The resulting feeling of security and confidence are crucial for our progress in subsequent stages and lead to the virtue of will (Sutton, 2023). On the other hand, if the child is not able to make choices or is overly criticized for the choices they make, they may lack self-esteem, doubt their decision later in life, and become too dependent on others to make those decisions for them. During stage three, lasting from about 3 years of age to 5 years of age, a child is learning how to interact with others and developing interpersonal skills. Erikson referred to this stage as Initiative Vs. Guilt. These new skills manifest in the way they play with other children and can sometimes be seen as aggressive or overly bossy but are in reality just a way for the child to hone their future interactions with others. The child will also begin to question everything around them and if the child’s questions are not answered or the caregiver gets overwhelmed by the number of questions the child will begin to see themselves as a nuisance and will withdraw from future interactions with other people. However, if the caregiver embraces the child’s questioning and freely answers, the child will start to feel secure in their new interpersonal skills, will enjoy their newfound sense of purpose, and will not suffer guilt or self-doubt in the future. Adolescence Stage four of the model is when the child prepares to transition into adolescence, this stage lasts from 5 to 12 years old, and the child must face Industry Vs. Inferiority. At this point in the child’s life, they have begun attending school, and teachers start to take over as the primary caregivers while friend groups and social connections also play a larger role in the development of self-esteem. They are also beginning to compare themselves to others their age to see how they measure up. The child must learn how to effectively balance school expectations and social relationships. If they find this required equilibrium and feel they are on the same level as their peers, the child feels a sense of accomplishment and competence, However, failure to find a good balance, or if they feel society is demanding too much of them, it can result in feelings of inadequacy or inferiority. Stage five, Identity Vs. Confusion lasts from 12 to 18 years old. This is the point when the child is beginning to develop a sense of who they are and who they want to be. The questions they face aren’t easy to answer: “Who am I?”, “What do I want to work as?”, “How do I fit into society?” On their journey to self, most adolescents will explore different roles and ideas (Lewis, 2023). If they can answer these questions with proper support and guidance from their caregivers and peers they will begin to see where they fit into society as a whole and feel confident in who and what they are. But if they are not allowed to explore these questions, such as by being forced into a role their parents see for them instead of what they see for themselves, the child will not have a proper sense of self and may struggle with who they are in the future. Adulthood As a person enters stage six they are also entering into adulthood, they are no longer reliant on caregivers and must now find their way in life. Stage six, Intimacy Vs. Isolation spans 2

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18 to 40 years of age. This is the time when the person is forming both personal and intimate relationships and must contend with those relationships possibly failing. This stage is dependent on how they navigated the prior stage as a sense of self is required to form and maintain lasting and safe intimate relationships. Without a strong sense of self, a person is left feeling adrift or with no clear path for their future and may enter into unsafe or unloving intimate relationships in their desire to have the other person give them an identity or path to follow. Erikson also pointed out that a strong sense of self was important for this stage because ‘to achieve a successful progression in this stage one would have to give up a portion of his or her own identity to create meaningful relationships (Bishop & Keth, 2013).’ If the individual is unable to establish and keep intimate relationships, either with a close group of friends or a sexual partner they may feel loneliness, isolation, and depression. However, success at this stage ends with happy, healthy, long-term relationships and ultimately a feeling of loving and being loved by others. Late Adulthood Stage seven, Generativity Vs. Stagnation encompasses the time frame of 40 to 65 years old. This is the time when a person is focusing on building their life through a career, raising a family, and contributing to society as a whole. They are also looking at how they will be remembered once they are gone and the long-term impact they will have on others. They can achieve these goals by mentoring the next generation, nurturing positive change in their community, excelling in their careers, or raising well-rounded children. They are focused on where they fit into the bigger picture and how they can benefit society. Successfully navigating this stage develops the virtue of care. Individuals who develop this virtue feel a sense of contribution to the world, typically through family and work, and feel satisfied that they are making a difference (Mcleod, 2023). Failure though, can lead to stagnation and feeling disillusioned and disconnected from the world in general. The person is also left feeling restless, unproductive, and only shallowly involved with the world. The final stage, stage eight is Integrity Vs. Despair. This stage lasts from 65 years of age until death and is focused on reflecting upon the person’s life overall. The person is beginning to slow down and is reviewing their accomplishments throughout their life. If, during this review, they feel they have achieved the goals they set for themselves in previous stages and have lived an overall good life they have a sense of fulfillment and wisdom. They may achieve closure in their life and will not fear death. On the other hand, if they do not feel these goals have been met, they are left with feelings of despair and regret for the things they have not accomplished or mistakes they have made along the way and bitterness and fear towards their impending death. However, no life is all good or all bad and no one ever achieves every goal they ever set for themselves. Therefore, a person will experience both integrity and despair and true success in this stage is finding a balance for the two competing emotions as opposed to only feeling one or the other. How My Life Fits The Model Childhood 3

I do not remember stage one as I was an infant, but I can draw on what I have been told by my family. My father was not around much during this stage, leaving my mother as my sole caregiver. However, she had a large extended family to help care for me. I have two older half- brothers, but they also weren’t around much as they lived with their other parents at this time. I know my needs were consistently met and I was loved and cared for, leaving me with the knowledge that there would always be somebody to support me throughout my life. I was raised around a large number of cousins and therefore sometimes my needs were not top priority. I also know there was an incident when I was about 6 months of age when my young aunt was lying with me on the couch, but she wasn’t paying attention to me, and I rolled off onto the floor. I feel this might be where I began to feel mistrustful of other people and started to believe I was on my own. I have always struggled with trusting other people, no matter how often they are there to support me or help me, I am always afraid that when I really need them, they will ignore me and just let me fall. That one episode with my aunt showed me that the world is not always a safe place, sometimes you cannot rely on others, and sometimes you can only rely on yourself. Overall, though I feel I successfully navigated stage one and I feel secure in my life and the larger world. Stage two is again one I don’t remember much of, being so young. I know that my mother was very protective of me and if I was not with her, I was only ever left with my Aunt Dot. My mother did not trust anyone else to watch me. I also know that I was not allowed to make most decisions for myself at this age, my mother chose what I wore and what I ate. I remember one time; my mother was trying to feed me spinach for lunch, and I refused to eat it because I thought it tasted disgusting and she force-fed it to me. This instilled in me the belief that I did not know what I truly wanted or needed. I do not feel I navigated this stage well. I was never truly allowed to explore my world, I had to be closely supervised at all times and I could not make decisions for myself, not even something as simple as what foods I like. This has caused me to second-guess every choice I have made for the rest of my life, and I am only too happy to allow others to make the decisions for me. I struggle with simple things, like what to make for dinner, and will change my mind multiple times. When I do finally reach a decision, I am anxious the entire time I am preparing the meal and while my family is eating it. I seek constant reassurance and the smallest amount of perceived criticism will cause me to have a panic attack. I feel a failure at this stage has also caused me to rarely leave my comfort zone. I do not like to try new things and I play it off as being “a creature of habit”, but I know it’s a fear of new things and failing at those new things. Stage three is when I start to remember my life and this stage is both a success and a failure for me if you go strictly by Erikson’s definition. Both of my parents were busy working and did not have much time for my incessant questions and I remember being told “just because” a lot. This taught me that not every question is a good one or worthy of being voiced. While that may sound bad, it is not. I learned to figure things out for myself, and it gave me curiosity and a love of knowledge. I would much rather do the research and try to find the answer myself than just ask somebody why. I have always struggled with making friends so I did not have much of a chance to hone my interpersonal skills, but that made it possible for me to use my imagination more, I would create whole worlds in my head, and to this day I am perfectly fine being alone 4

with just a book. I do not crave social settings or the attention of others. I much prefer to just be quiet with my thoughts. I do have a hard time being around people and I know that is because I did not have enough chances to play with others my age at this stage, but it has also served me well. During the lockdown, my husband and children struggled with being stuck in the house for three months and would start to get antsy, but I never did. I felt perfectly fine in my safe space. Adolescence Stage four was overall a success. I struggled in school, the teachers and my classmates moved too slowly for me, and I got frustrated easily. It took me a few years to realize it was because the subjects just did not interest me. I quickly learned, though that did not matter, I still had to do the work. So, I would just work ahead and get all my assignments done so I could go back to reading my book or learning about the things that did catch my attention. This was also the point when I started to make friends and find things I was good at. I discovered my love of art and also that I did not need a large group of friends, just one or two people who liked the things I liked. To this day, I can count on one hand how many real friends I have, but I also know that those few friends and I truly connect, and we enjoy the same things and each other’s company. I do struggle with feelings of inadequacy, particularly when I do not do as well as my peers at work, but I know that I only have troubles when I am tasked with something I find boring or unimportant, I have also learned that I just need to put my head down and get the task done so I can move on and that I excel at other aspects of my job. Stage five was a failure for me at ages 12 to 18, but in the past few years, I feel I have revisited this stage and turned it into a success. When I was growing up I heard all the stories of how there was somebody from every generation on both sides of my family in the military and that it was a tradition that my brothers and I were expected to carry on. I never had a desire to join the military, I had my heart set on being an archeologist. However, my brothers also had no interest in the military and due to life choices that they made, they never joined. Due to that, every time I expressed my desire to go to school and major in archeology, my parents would say things like, “Maybe after the military” or “Are you sure that’s what you want to do? What about the military?” As I was preparing to graduate high school and was looking at colleges my parents informed me there was no money for college and if I wanted to go to college I would have to join the military and have them pay for it. This caused me to question everything I thought I was and everything I had planned for my future. I felt forced to enlist and “fight for my country”. On top of that pressure, when I was 15 I was violently and horrifically assaulted by my boyfriend, and this also made me question who I was. If the person who professed to love me with all their heart could do that to me, did that make me unlovable? Was I damaged and not good enough for love and respect? These two big incidents in my adolescence caused me to completely lose my sense of self. I no longer knew how or what I was, and it took me many years to figure it out. I enlisted, moved away from home, and never looked back. I discovered I actually loved the military and decided to make it my career and after 20 years I am retiring and realized that my life’s work is not in uncovering the past, but in becoming a victim advocate and helping to shape the future. While this stage was a failure at 12-18 and that caused problems for me in later stages, I now 5

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have a concrete sense of who I am and where I am going, so I would put this stage squarely in the success column. Adulthood Though stage six encompasses 18 years old all the way to 40 years old and I am still technically in this stage, I feel I can still decide whether or not it was a success. Due to what happened to me at 15, I struggled with relationships. I had many unhealthy relationships and for a while, I resigned myself to the fact that I was just not the marriage and children type of person. I was the “here for a good time, not a long time” type of person. Until I met my husband, and he showed me differently. We have been happily married for almost 19 years, we have two children and a pretty good life. When I struggle with feelings of inadequacy or being unlovable he reminds me of how far I have come and how much I have done for the world in general. I am going to say this stage was also a success for me, with a little help from my husband. Late Adulthood While I have not yet entered this stage chronologically, I feel my life is towards the end of this stage. I am retiring from the military in less than a week, one of my children is grown and the other one is almost grown. I have raised two well-rounded, successful children. My children know that I will support them in any decisions they make, even if those decisions end up being the wrong ones. They know that I will be there to cheer them on in whatever career they choose and that I love the people they are today and the people they will become later in their lives. I have had a successful career and I have helped to foster the next generation of the Air Force. I have left the Air Force better than it was when I joined and have helped put into place policies to protect the younger Airmen. I know where I fit in the big picture, and I feel connected to my military community, my neighborhood community, and the world at large. While there have been obstacles throughout this stage I have overcome them, and I am a better person because of them. I see this stage as nothing but a complete and total success for me. I am many years away from entering stage eight, but I can look back at my life at this moment and feel proud. I may have never become an archeologist or lived in Egypt, but those goals were replaced with other, better goals and I have or am in the process of accomplishing them. I completed 20 years in the military, I met, married, and raised two children with the love of my life, I lived in Japan for four years and was immersed in the culture, I became a victim advocate and got to stand for what is right and good and I am getting my degree in psychology so I can continue that advocacy work. I have never feared death, I have always seen it as the completion of this cycle of my life and something to embrace, not run from. However, I do worry about things like how my husband will be able to remember to buy dog food if I am not here to remind him 12 times or whether my daughter will ever go to the doctor if I do not make the appointment for her. I know that when my time comes, I will not look back with regret or bitterness, but with fulfillment and peace. 6

Limitations of Erikson’s Theory Every theory has limitations, no one can account for all variations or circumstances and Erikson is no different. First and foremost, Erikson did not take into account cultures other than White Europeans. He did not account for how other cultures define adulthood or what traits they place value upon. The conflicts emphasized in each stage reflect values like independence, autonomy, and productivity, which are deeply ingrained in Western individualistic cultures. However, the theory may not translate well to more collectivistic cultures that value interdependence, social harmony, and shared responsibility (Mcleod, 2023). The Japanese culture, for instance, places politeness, caring for elders, and harmony with others above such things as independence and autonomy. Next, Erikson does not specify what exactly moves a person from one stage to the next. He lists a rough age range for each stage but does not explain how a person knows when they have encountered and successfully navigated or failed the crisis within the stage. He does not acknowledge people with developmental or learning delays or people who have unconventional childhoods. His theory is based on a two loving parent, secure, comfortable childhood, and home life. While that situation was and is still the ideal, it is not the reality for many people then or now. Erikson does not discuss children raised in foster homes or who had to be the primary caregivers or breadwinners in their families. He also does not recognize the children who moved out on their own at 15 years old, like myself. The third limitation of his theory is his strict adherence to what should be happening at certain ages. Again, I moved out of my parent's house at 15, I was living on my own and working while going to high school. I did not have my parents to help guide me in answering the “Who am I?” question and I was forced to grapple with this issue all on my own. When I should have been focusing on school and fitting in with my friend group, I was worried about making sure I had enough time to work so I could pay my rent while also studying for a chemistry final. Once again Erikson only looks at the ideal situation and not any outliers. The last limitation is he does not leave room for or discuss the possibility of moving back and forth between different stages. What if a person is unable to confront a crisis within Erikson’s timeframe or the crisis does not occur until a later stage? Is the person just missing that piece of their personality? The way Erikson lays out his theory the stages are very linear with no room for backward movement or revisitation of previous stages. Stage five was a failure for me at the time, but once I was in the middle of stage six, I revisited that previous stage and resolved the outstanding issue. Erik Erikson’s eight-stages model of personality development is a more complete theory than others, in that it accounts for changes in a person’s personality throughout the entire life span and does not stop at adolescence. It is easy for a person to look back at their life and see when and why they became who they are. I can point to my mother’s over-protectiveness when I was a toddler and know that is why I struggle in group settings or with making friends. I can look at stage four and see that my struggles in school made it so now I have learned how to force 7

myself to do the tasks I am dreading in order to free up time for the things I enjoy. Erikson did not and could not account for every variation of the human experience. People mature in different ways and at different times based on their circumstances in life, but overall, I feel his is the most complete theory and does the best job of explaining how people grow into the person they are meant to be. 8

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References Bishop, C., & Keth, K. (2013, September). (PDF) psychosocial stages of development - researchgate . Research Gate. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/358914229_Psychosocial_Stages_of_Developme nt Lewis, R. (2023, February 8). Erikson stages of psychosocial development in plain language . Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/erikson-stages#4-accomplishment Mcleod, S. (2023, October 16). Erik Erikson’s stages of Psychosocial Development . Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/erik-erikson.html#Stage-7-Generativity- vs-Stagnation Sutton, J. (2023, October 13). Erik Erikson’s stages of Psychosocial Development explained . PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/erikson-stages/ 9

Kimber Bergstrom_My Personality Theory

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