AMCF5103 FAMILY AND MARRIAGE COUNSELLING

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Harvard University *

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STRATEGIC

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Sociology

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Nov 24, 2024

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AMCF5103 FAMILY AND MARRIAGE COUNSELLING 1

Table of Contents 1. Introduction .................................................................................................................................. 3 2. Description of each family member, subsystem, boundaries, alliances and coalitions ............... 4 3. Discussion on experiences of enmeshment disengagement, differentiation among/with members ........................................................................................................................................... 5 4. Discussion on roles, rules, values, and family myths .................................................................. 6 5. Discussion on communication patterns ....................................................................................... 7 6. Discussion on healthy functioning patterns and family strength ................................................. 9 7. Conclusion ................................................................................................................................. 11 8. References .................................................................................................................................. 13 2

1. Introduction The family unit is crucial to a person's well-being and growth. Our early hominid forebears established the first nuclear family. An individual's place in a family system might range from parent to kid to spouse to provider of emotional support. Feelings of love, connection, belonging, laughter, and pleasure are all bolstered in a loving family environment[ CITATION Myd21 \l 1033 ]. No one notion of "family" emerged as the norm. It varies according to culture and frequently changes. Therefore, it is very challenging to agree on a single definition of family. People who share genetic and/or emotional ties are considered members of the same family. They feel like family because of their shared past, shared emotions, and shared economic status. Families are distinguished by physical, economic, social and emotional functions. Thus, in order to conduct a thorough family analysis, therapists need information about the economic, social, political, and cultural forces that have shaped the family throughout time. Looking at a family as a whole is useful for learning about its dynamics. A family unit is a social and/or biological construct consisting of a group of individuals who are linked to one another, either by blood or by choice[ CITATION Myd21 \l 1033 ]. Family and marriage counselling is an area of study that seeks to help people make sense of their complex family connections so that they might improve those bonds. This project has been an opportunity for self-reflection and discovery, illuminating my ancestry as well as my own family's dynamic. In doing so, I want to give a thorough examination of the many facets and dynamics that make up my family and shed light on the events that have influenced my interactions and relationships with them. The foundation of my knowledge of love, trust, and interpersonal ties has always been my family. This investigation is not only academic; it is also an introspective attempt to understand the events, patterns, and influences that have shaped my family dynamics. I want to have a deeper understanding of the dynamics within my own family by doing this project. Our Christian religion has had a great impact on our family's values and beliefs. We live in Sarawak, Malaysia. Our cultural and religious backgrounds greatly affect our habits, rituals, and the standards we set for ourselves and our families. The framework in which our family relationships play out requires an appreciation of this history. 3

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Components of the assignment include a description of family members, exploration of enmeshment, disengagement, differentiation, roles, rules, values, and family myths, an analysis of communication patterns, the identification of healthy functioning patterns and family strengths, and a final reflection. My goals in doing this investigation are to increase my knowledge of the complex dynamics that exist within my own family, as well as my own sense of development and self-awareness. 2. Description of each family member, subsystem, boundaries, alliances and coalitions We have five unique members in our family, and they all play an important role in the dynamic of our home. We live in Sarawak, Malaysia, and follow the Christian religion, which plays a key part in establishing our values and beliefs. Let's break down our family into its constituent parts, identify its subsystems and borders, and assess the strength of its coalitions and alliances. a) Lanyun Gaduoh (Father) - My father is the oldest family member at 51 years old. Although he is the principal earner, he is also a kind and loving figure to his family. Traditional and contemporary aspects of his fatherly duty include giving emotional support, direction, and financial security for the household. My dad has always put an emphasis on strengthening our family's bonds and communicating openly and honestly with everyone. b) Manyi Gawing (Mother) - My mom is the oldest member in her family, and she's 49 years old. She is a sympathetic and nurturing character, responsible for managing the home and taking care of the family's everyday needs. As a mother, she is responsible for the emotional well-being of her children, the upkeep of the household, and the instillation of moral principles within her family. Because of her caring personality, our home is always filled with love and acceptance. c) William (Me) - Being the eldest child at age 31, I find myself in a natural caregiver position within my family. As far as they are concerned, I am a safe haven, both emotionally and practically. As the oldest sibling, it is my responsibility to look out for my younger siblings and make sure the family is doing well. d) Shella Palla - As the second sibling at 28 years old, Shella has acquired a strong feeling of independence. She is kind and compassionate, and she often comforts her younger 4

sibling. Shella's duty is to help the family grow closer together and maintain peace and harmony. e) Wellfred - Wellfred, the youngest of three siblings, is 17 and in the midst of the process of differentiating himself and finding his place in the family. He leans on his family, especially his older siblings, for advice and encouragement. Wellfred's primary function is one of maturation; he takes inspiration from his elder siblings. Each member of our family contributes to different subsystems. My parents, my two younger brothers and sisters, and I make up the major subsystem. Our family has loose enough boundaries that we can all talk to one other and support one another emotionally. We've become close because we don't have any rigid borders, either between ourselves and each other or between our emotions. Our family's alliances and allies change from crisis to situation. My mother and I have a strong bond because of the shared appreciation for the arts and music that we share. Nonetheless, coalitions and allies may change as required to accommodate unique family dynamics and situations. We have a strong feeling of familial togetherness and emotional connection that shapes how we relate to one another. 3. Discussion on experiences of enmeshment disengagement, differentiation among/with members Our family dynamic and connections have changed and developed as we have experienced enmeshment, disengagement, and differentiation. These ideas provide a framework for assessing the degree of affection, freedom, and uniqueness that exists within our immediate family. Enmeshment is a phenomenon characterized by an extraordinarily intimate emotional link among family members, typically to the point where individual boundaries blur, and freedom is constrained. Our close emotional connections and shared life experiences make us a particularly entangled bunch. Being the oldest of five siblings, I've always felt responsible for looking out for and taking care of my younger siblings. Sharing our thoughts and experiences with others strengthens the relationships we share emotionally. Enmeshment creates a tight and supportive community, yet it may also restrict one's freedom of action. 5

In contrast, disengagement implies a lack of connection and participation among loved ones. Disengagement within our family dynamics has occurred at times as we have aged. Each member of the family has become more self-reliant as a result of pursuing their passions. Shella, the middle child, has grown a good dose of distinction in the form of a robust feeling of independence and autonomy. However, this detached attitude may occasionally lead to a gulf in feelings and a breakdown in communication. To keep things running well in the family, it's important to find a happy medium between being too involved and withdrawing completely. Family differentiation has developed throughout time. Being the oldest of four siblings has given me a strong feeling of duty and obligation. This position has further entangled me with them, and I often find myself strongly invested in their affairs. Shella's need for autonomy is one of the key ways in which our family is distinct from others. She has matured emotionally as a result of her increased independence and the pursuit of her own interests. Wellfred is the youngest of his siblings and is still maturing into his own unique persona. He looks to his family, especially his older siblings, for advice and encouragement. This is a normal part of his growth, so be sure to give him the encouragement and help he needs. Maintaining close emotional ties while still supporting Wellfred's growing sense of independence is a challenge we face as a family. Both entanglement and disconnection may be either good or destructive depending on the individual and the circumstances. Enmeshment may give emotional support, but severe enmeshment may hinder individual development and liberty. Isolation and emotional distance may result from the freedom that comes with disengagement. Maintaining a healthy equilibrium between the two is an ongoing effort that calls for mutual respect and open dialogue within the household. 4. Discussion on roles, rules, values, and family myths Roles, Rules, Values, and Family Myths in our family have played a pivotal role in shaping our dynamics, behaviors, and the way we interact with each other. These elements are instrumental in defining our family's culture and expectations. i. Roles : Because of differences in age and preferences, the roles within our family have changed throughout time. I've taken on the role of protector and caretaker since I'm the 6

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oldest. This entails serving as a role model and comforter to my younger siblings. They have relied on me as a guide and comforter. Shella, the middle child, has learned to fend for herself while still caring for and understanding her family and friends. Wellfred, the youngest, is still developing his own identity and is mostly in a developmental position of looking up to his older brothers for guidance and inspiration. These roles have varied and shifted with the needs of the situation. As a family, for instance, we often make collective choices that go beyond individual responsibilities, enabling cooperation and shared accountability when confronted with obstacles or making decisions. The fluidity of family roles has helped us grow closer together. ii. Rules : Our family operates under a set of unwritten rules. For example, it is one of our most important rules to respect each other's personal space. We respect people's right to their own area and understand the necessity of not invading others' territory. Our Christian religion is fundamental to our family's beliefs; thus, another unspoken rule is that we must all attend worship services on Sundays. Respect, unity, and a commitment to common ideals are fostered by adhering to these standards. Additionally, we foster an open and welcoming atmosphere for conversations. We value open dialogue and make sure everyone in the family has a chance to share their thoughts. iii. Values : The Christian religion has had a significant impact on the way we raise our children. We hold the principles of love, forgiveness, unity, and compassion in the highest regard. As a result of living by these principles, we treat one another with compassion and help each other overcome the difficulties of life. Our Christian religion has been instrumental in the instillation of these principles, serving as a moral compass for our household. iv. Family Myths : Family myths, though often subtle, influence our family dynamics and interactions. One such myth in our family is the expectation of family unity at all times. While the desire for unity is essential, this myth can sometimes lead to suppressing individual needs or concerns in an effort to maintain harmony. It's essential to recognize the myth and balance the pursuit of unity with the acknowledgment of individuality. Another myth in our family is the belief that our faith shields us from difficulties and conflicts. While our faith provides guidance and strength, it's crucial to acknowledge that 7

challenges are a part of life and can't be completely avoided. Recognizing these myths is essential for fostering more open and healthy communication within our family. 5. Discussion on communication patterns Communication is the lifeblood of any family, and it plays a central role in shaping the dynamics within our household. Effective communication is essential for understanding, empathy, and resolving conflicts. In our family, communication patterns have evolved over time and continue to be a cornerstone of our relationships. i. Open Communication: Honest and open communication is highly valued in our household. Each member of the family now has their own private outlet for voicing their opinions, feelings, and worries. By talking to one another freely, we are able to encourage one another, share our own experiences, and keep our relationships healthy. We talk to one another often about our lives, difficulties, and successes. By keeping the lines of communication open, we may learn more about one another and build trust amongst one another. ii. Active Listening: One of the cornerstones of our interaction is attentive listening. When someone in the family has something to say, everyone else makes an effort to hear them out. This involves focusing on the other person without letting your mind wander or giving in to distractions. When it comes to establishing rapport and offering comfort, we can't stress the importance of attentive listening enough. It makes everyone in the family feel like their opinion matters. iii. Empathy and Understanding: We place a premium on listening and comprehending when we speak. Every member of the family makes an effort to understand the feelings and viewpoints of the others. By taking a compassionate stance, we may better manage disagreements and be there for one other emotionally when we need to. It's fundamental to the way we talk to one other. iv. Conflict Resolution: Conflicts are normal in every household. But our communication styles prioritize having productive and civil conversations to work out differences. When disagreements develop, we talk it out in open forums, listening to one other's complaints and considering possible compromises. The goal isn't to win disputes but to keep the peace at home. 8

v. Non-Verbal Communication: Our family also places a high value on non-verbal forms of communication including body language and facial expressions. It's a great way to express the intangibles that sometimes be hard to put with words. By paying attention to these signals, we are able to have a better comprehension of one another. vi. Family Meetings: The way we talk to one another is based on regular family meetings. These gatherings provide a time and place when relatives may get together to talk about life, report on recent developments, and make important choices. They're a great place to talk about pressing matters, organize fun family activities, and make sure everyone's opinions are included. Every member of the family should feel that their voice is heard and respected during family meetings. vii. Technology and Communication: Technology in today's digital world has changed the way we talk to one other. Particularly when geographical distances separate loved ones, we rely on a wide range of communication methods, like instant messaging and video conferencing, to keep in touch. Even if technology has made long-distance communication easier, we still put an emphasis on building personal relationships via in- person interactions. viii. Language and Expressiveness: The way we communicate relies heavily on the language we use. We communicate ourselves in a language that we are all acquainted with, which fosters straightforward and efficient communication. Family members are taught at an early age the importance of expressing their emotions and discussing problems openly. ix. Encouragement of Independence: Our methods of interaction with one another also foster autonomy. Family members have the confidence to articulate their wants, needs, and aspirations as they become older. We encourage one another to follow our dreams and provide helpful criticism to further the development of each person's unique skills and interests. 6. Discussion on healthy functioning patterns and family strength In our family, various healthy functioning patterns and strengths have been instrumental in fostering a supportive and harmonious family environment. These patterns and strengths contribute to our family's overall well-being and resilience. Here are some key aspects that define our family's positive functioning: 9

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i. Emotional Support: Our unfailing emotional support for one another is a major asset in our family. Here, people may feel comfortable expressing their emotions, venting their worries, and receiving support from others. Because of the love and care shown to them, family members have a sense of belonging and safety in their home. In happy and, more crucially, sad times, we are ready to provide an ear and a shoulder to rely on. ii. Unity and Togetherness: Our family's unity and togetherness are essential qualities. Whether at a dinner, a holiday, or just for fun, we make it a point to spend time as a family. This shared experience strengthens the bonds of our family and helps us grow closer to one another. Through doing things together, we create memories that will last a lifetime and cement our family bonds. iii. Shared Values: The Christian faith that we all share is the bedrock upon which our family was built and continues to stand. Love, forgiveness, solidarity, and compassion are among our common principles. Our relationships and behaviors are shaped by these principles, making our household a harmonious and ethically sound place to live. In addition to providing us with moral fortitude, our shared religious beliefs are a powerful uniting factor that has helped our family weather many storms. iv. Flexibility and Adaptability: Our capacity to change with the times is one of our greatest virtues. Because of this, we are able to keep the peace in our home despite the inevitable ups and downs that life inevitably brings. v. Communication: The ability to communicate clearly and openly is essential to the smooth operation of our family. We encourage mutual comprehension and compassion by being candid about our innermost feelings and worries. By sharing our thoughts openly, we are better able to work through our differences, reach consensus on important matters, and face life's challenges as a team. vi. Empathy and Compassion: Our family's assets are our empathy and compassion for others. We have developed a culture of mutual respect and encouragement. When one member of the family is struggling, the others gather around them to provide support, both emotionally and practically. Sincere affection for one another solidifies our friendship and assures us that we can always count on each other. 10

vii. Independence and Individual Growth: We value our closeness as a group but also each member's right to develop personally and independently. Everyone in the family is supported as they work for their own unique set of objectives. viii. Problem Solving and Conflict Resolution: The ability of our family through problem solving and conflict resolution is a major asset. We use an analytical approach to resolving differences and difficulties by prioritizing open communication, accommodation, and mutual understanding. This method prevents conflicts from escalating and instead fosters constructive outcomes that strengthen bonds between parties. ix. Nurturing Talent and Interests: In our home, everyone is encouraged to explore their hobbies and improve their skills. We make a point of recognizing the efforts of every member of the family, whether they be in the realm of academics, the arts, or athletics. When we encourage one another and celebrate our successes, we not only feel good about ourselves, but we also become closer as a family. x. Shared Responsibilities: In our family, everyone pitches in to help out around the home and make sure everyone is happy. This method promotes cooperation and a feeling of belonging inside the family. 7. Conclusion Through the process of reflection and investigation within our familial context, it becomes apparent that our family unit is akin to a tapestry intricately crafted with the threads of affection, cohesion, and a collective adherence to shared principles. By doing a comprehensive examination of familial constituents, subsystems, delineations, affiliations, and affiliations, it becomes evident that our familial unit flourishes due to the presence of emotional intimacy, reciprocal assistance, and a robust collective identity. The concept of enmeshment is effectively counterbalanced by the practice of healthy disengagement, which facilitates the development of individuals while also maintaining the interpersonal connections that unite us. Throughout various periods of our life, our family has encountered both enmeshment and disengagement. These experiences have influenced the dynamics within our family, as enmeshment has contributed to the development of a robust support system and emotional intimacy, whilst disengagement has facilitated individual growth and independence. The process 11

of differentiation exhibits variability across individuals within a family unit, as each member navigates their own trajectory towards achieving autonomy while concurrently upholding the interconnectedness of familial relationships. The aforementioned processes are inherent to the evolutionary process within our familial unit, hence enhancing the depth and intricacy of our interpersonal connections. The culture and relationships inside our family are strongly shaped by several factors, including roles, rules, values, and family myth. The roles within our family have undergone a natural evolution, fostering a feeling of cohesion and cooperation. Unspoken norms govern our conduct and facilitate the development of mutual regard and transparent discourse. The Christian faith places a significant emphasis on core values such as love, forgiveness, togetherness, and compassion, which profoundly influence our communal conduct. The effect of family myths on our expectations and interactions within the family unit necessitates the recognition and facilitation of open communication in order to foster a more robust and harmonious familial dynamic. These many factors together contribute to the intricate and ever-evolving fabric of our familial existence. Our family lays a significant focus on fostering a culture of open and honest communication. We engage in active listening, place emphasis on empathy and comprehension, and effectively address issues in a constructive manner. Family gatherings serve as a formalized framework for significant dialogues, while technological advancements facilitate the maintenance of interpersonal connections in spite of geographical separations. Language, expressiveness, and autonomy are all fundamental components of human communication patterns. The use of this particular mode of communication has played a significant role in fostering the establishment and cultivation of strong emotional connections, trust, and mutual assistance within our familial unit. This provides the collective ability to handle the many obstacles and embrace the pleasures that life presents. The family's robust functioning patterns and strengths serve as the foundational elements of our cohesive and nurturing familial milieu. Emotional support, togetherness, shared values, flexibility, effective communication, empathy, individual growth, effective problem-solving, talent nurturing, and shared duties all contribute to the formation and development of our family dynamics. These characteristics enable us to effectively handle the many obstacles that life 12

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presents, demonstrating perseverance, while also fostering a sense of unity and love within our closely bonded family unit. The process of introspectively examining my family genealogy and present family structure has facilitated the acquisition of a more profound comprehension of the complex dynamics inherent in my familial relationships. The experience has provided valuable insights into our strengths and places for growth, eventually fostering an enhanced understanding of the significance of proficient communication, difference, and the establishment of appropriate limits. Undoubtedly, this information will facilitate the cultivation of more effective and meaningful connections within my family. Family and marital therapy is an invaluable resource for resolving these problems and striving towards a more cohesive and nurturing family structure. References Gladding, S. T. (2002). Family therapy: History, theory and practice. Upper Saddle River: Merrill Prentice Hall. Mydin, Y. O. (2021). AMCF5103 FAMILY AND MARRIAGE COUNSELLING (3 ed.). OUM. Nichols, M. P. (2001). Family therapy: Concepts and methods (5 ed.). Boston: Allyn and Bacon. 13

AMCF5103 FAMILY AND MARRIAGE COUNSELLING

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