The Communication Notebook final paper
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Ashford University *
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COM200
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Communications
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Jan 9, 2024
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The Communication Notebook final paper
Elijah Droz
Interpersonal Communication: COM200
Bonnie Stiemke
1/27/2020
Over the last five weeks I have actually learned a lot from this class. Unlike the other classes I have taken at Ashford so far, this class seemed applicable to everyday situations. There were many helpful tips given in this class for improving my communication with others. This class can help you curve negative conversational behaviors. The advice given in each assignment
was valuable in its own way.
A time where someone provided me with social support was when I first moved to Alaska from Chicago. When I was first assigned to come to Alaska I was nervous and sad because I was moving to a place where I didn’t know anyone. I arrived to my new workplace and
was immediately greeted by a soon to be friend. By talking to me without knowing me he was showing me both esteem support and emotional support according to Bevan which both fall under nurturing support “The second broad social support category is nurturing support, which focuses on helping the person in need to cope and feel better emotionally ” (Du Pre, 2009). The verbal cues he used to provide emotional support was going out of his way to talk to me and shake my hand when I first got to Alaska. The nonverbal he used to show empathy were his body
language and demeanor. The friend made eye contact with me when he talked to me so it seemed
as if he had a genuine interest in my wellbeing. All the actions he made to show social support were appropriate given the situation. Going out of your way to introduce yourself to someone that is new to an area is always good. He made me feel better emotionally by extending himself to me. What this friend was exhibiting was also called college support “this colleague support, which involved immediate coworkers being friendly and helpful with solving problems, reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety (Shirom et al., 2011)”. He successfully prevented me from falling into a negative mind state from being in a new environment. From this class and exercise I am able to better identify when other people need social support. In the future I will be more
willing to reach out to those in need of social support. There are a lot of new people coming to work at this job. Now I can identify with how the new people are feeling and make them feel better by treating them how I was treated when I first arrived to Alaska. If I am able to alleviate even a small amount of stress I will consider the interaction a success.
For the week 1 exercise we had to call and text someone. For the phone call I called my mother to ask about the vacation and birthday. I spent about 20 minutes on the phone with her, but the exchange about the questions only took about 5 minutes. She answered the questions quickly and was curious as to why I asking her these specific questions. My mother has a very strong personality, so I already was anticipating her abrasive reaction to the questions. Talking on the phone is a good way to stay connected and feel close to my family that isn’t here. The results were the same when I asked a friend through texting the same questions. Testing other people’s reactions to these questions is testing what their interpretation of our relationship is “Your interpretation of situations, as well as the messages that you use to describe them, can affect your approach to particular situations and, subsequently, your behavior in these situations”
(Bevan, 2019) . This exercise made me think of how I may have responded to the same questions
being asked to me by a friend or loved one. Overall I feel that talking on the phone or face timing
is more satisfying. From what I have learned in this class, it is important to maintain connection with people. Different forms of communication can get different reactions from people. Through texting there is no body language and you can’t hear the tone in the other person’s voice. Facial expressions can determine how a conversation is being perceived to the other person. Interpreting someone’s reactions to what you are saying to them is an important of meaningful conversation. Without the face to face contact you may miss certain social ques that you would normally see in person. “Relationship maintenance behaviors are the actions, messages, and
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tasks that assist with maintaining, managing, or repairing a relationship (Burleson, Metts, & Kirch, 2000).” Bevan explains that maintaining a relationship requires both sides to cooperate to nurture the relationship. Violating a nonverbal cultural norm was the most difficult of the exercises for me. I am not use to coming out of my comfort zone and interacting with strangers. All of our social norms are in a way subjective. No one knows exactly who determines what is considered to be normal. It is very interesting to think about why we do the repetitive things we find to be normal every day. The norms that are followed are trying to establish a sense of order and unwritten rules. For example facing forward when you are standing in line is the normal and polite thing to do. I tried
facing towards someone in line and I could barely stand it for longer than 30 seconds. This type of reaction is normal when doing something socially uncomfortable “It is not unusual for people to experience apprehension in specific communication scenarios” (Bevan, 2019). Using some of the strategies I learned from the TED talk I was able to open up my stance and focus on my breathing when interacting with the strangers (TEDxTalk. (2018, June 7). Speaking up without freaking out | Matt Abrahams | TEDxPaloAlto). Personal space is a larger factor in why it is so awkward to turn around and look a stranger in their eyes. These unwritten rules can be summarized under dominant culture. “dominant culture—a term used by sociologists, anthropologists, and researchers in cultural studies to describe the established language, religion, behavior, values, rituals, and social customs of a particular society.”(Bevan, 2019). Culture is not
always something we think about because it’s just everyday life for us and we do not even realize our social patterns. “Some of the most successful and open people reach that level from being audacious and occasionally odd” Little, B. (2016, February). This excerpt from the TED talk is essentially stating that in order to progressive forward we should break the norms of
society sometimes. I can apply the things learned from this exercise by differing from social norms.
The relationship I choose to evaluate that is close to me is the one between me and my wife. My wife and I have a strong relationship. We are both very in tune with our emotions and are able to talk about things before they become larger issues. The types of positive relationship maintenance behaviors related to communication outlined in Bevan me and her use are openness,
positivity, social networks, and conflict management. “There are seven positive or constructive behaviors that can be strategically used to maintain relationships.” (Bevan, 2019). We our very open with each other on all issues we have in our relationships. If you hold onto to every little thing that bothers you, then eventually those things will pile up and be released negatively all at once. Emotions are extremely complex and should not be bottled up. Being optimistic is necessary in order for a relationship to thrive as well as showing each other affection. Negativity will slowly tear a relationship apart. In a relationship there are some negative thoughts that are just better to let go of .Conflict management is one of our stronger areas in our relationship most arguments are handled at a low level. I have a lot of social networks that I can reach out and talk to I can apply the skills learned in this class to my relationship by using the tools given to strengthen my communication skills. I have seen other people deal with their issues in their relationships differently me. My friend’s relationships have come to end from not using the proper relationship management skills. Without having the right emotional support talking through issues can be a challenge. I lean on my friends and family when I need social support. Applying what I have learned in this class will increase satisfaction in my relationships “high relationship satisfaction, which involves positive emotion and attraction toward the relationship” (Bevan 2019).
In conclusion this class has been helpful in several aspects of my life. The course readings and videos can be applied to both my personal and professional relationships. I feel as if
I will be able to be an improved husband and friend if I follow some of the strategies given to me
in this communications class. It is rare that a course is able to be applied to actual life outside of school.
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Refrences
Bevan, J. L. (2020). Making connections: Understanding interpersonal communication (3rd ed.). Retrieved from https://content.ashford.edu/
TEDxTalk. (2018, June 7). Speaking up without freaking out | Matt Abrahams | TEDxPaloAlto (Links to an external site.) [Video file]. https://youtu.be/XIXvKKEQQJo
Little, B. (2016, February). Brian Little at TED2016: Who are you, really? The puzzle of personality