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Thank you, Joe, for your post. Thank you for sharing your insights into the complexities of terminating counseling relationships, especially within pastoral care, where multiple relational dynamics intersect. The strength of the relationships developed during counseling adds complexity to many therapy areas, and your viewpoint brings this to light. To maintain the integrity of the counseling process while still nurturing ongoing supportive relationships, pastors must carefully consider and manage the transition from counselor to pastoral or friendship role. As you pointed out, this dual role can complicate the termination process, which should ideally reflect a gradual transition rather than an abrupt end. Setting clear boundaries and expectations at the beginning of the counseling relationship is crucial, as well as building on your ideas and considering the principles discussed in Thomas & Sosin and Nesbit Sbanotto et al. 1 With this information in hand, the counselee can better manage their expectations and prepare for the coming change. 2 Effective termination, as described in Skills for Effective Counseling, is a process that reflects the slow development of rapport; the book stresses that the beginning and the end of therapy are equally important. 3 Additionally, the counselor and counselee can find spiritual guidance in the biblical principle of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, which states that there is a time for everything under heaven. As there is a time to build up, there is also a time to step back, and this scripture helps to frame that idea. It allows the counselee to apply the growth they've experienced independently. The importance of termination as a normal and healthy step in the counseling process is backed by this viewpoint. 4 1 John C. Thomas, and Sosin, Lisa. Therapeutic Expedition: Equipping the Christian Counselor for the Journey (Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2011), 111. 2 Ibid. 3 Ibid. 4 E. A. Nesbit Sbanotto, Gingrich, H. D., & Gingrich, F. C. Skills for Effective Counseling: A Faith-Based Integration (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2016).
Further, "each should carry their load" is instructed in verse 5 of Galatians 6, which exhorts believers to bear one another's burdens. In counseling, finding a balance between mutual support and promoting personal responsibility is essential. This goes hand-in-hand with the termination goal of helping counselees learn to cope with their emotional and spiritual difficulties on their own. A structured debriefing phase towards the end of counseling could further enhance the transition from counseling relationships to a pastoral or friendship role. In this stage, you can talk about how the relationship will change after counseling, review the counselee's progress, and encourage them to face future obstacles head-on. 5 These actions validate the counselee's development during therapy and set the stage for ongoing pastoral care once therapy has concluded. 6 As important as it is to carefully and strategically plan the beginning and continuation of the counseling relationship, Hawkins and Clinton also emphasize the need for "finishing well" when it comes to ending the counseling relationship. 7 They emphasize the significance of the counselor's role in assisting the counselee in finding closure and empowerment, as it is crucial for the counselee's ongoing growth and independence once counseling is over. Hawkins and Clinton highlight the importance of the counselor's emotional and spiritual readiness for termination. 8 They recommend that counselors take time for self-reflection and prayer to determine the best way to initiate the termination process. 9 Clinical judgments, spiritual intuition, and alignment with God's timing for the counselee's life should guide the termination decision. This spiritual preparation helps make sure of it. 10 5 Ibid. 6 Ibid. 7 Ronald E. Hawkins. The New Christian Counselor (Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2015). 8 Ibid. 9 Ibid. 10 Ibid.
Also, they think it's important to have a review session to celebrate your progress as a client and talk about how you use the coping mechanisms and behaviors you've learned daily. 11 This method aligns with your plan to keep in touch with the counselee as a pastor, which will help them feel supported after the counseling session has ended. 12 Hawkins and Clinton also suggest incorporating scriptural principles that affirm the counselee's autonomy and God's ongoing presence. 13 The passage from Philippians 2:13 reads, "For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose" (Philippians 2:13 NIV). It can serve as a reassuring and encouraging reminder to those receiving counseling that God is at work in their lives, even outside of therapy sessions, and that their growth is a part of His greater plan. Your continued service as an accountability buddy exemplifies pastoral counselors' special and profound influence on the people they help. As long as it considers the counselee's growing independence and the changing nature of the relationship, this open line of communication can be a reliable source of support. 14 Your dedication to the health and development of your clients' spiritual selves is evident in your approach to pastoral counseling. Your approach to counseling and the complexities of relationship dynamics is truly admirable and makes a big difference in your ministry. 11 Ibid. 12 Mark R. McMinn. Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House, 2011). 13 Alfred R. Brunsdon. "Nostalgia as a pastoral–hermeneutical Key for Healing Complicated Grief in an Afro-Christian Context." Verbum Et Ecclesia 40 , no. 1 2019. 14 Jeffrey A. Kottler. On Being a Therapist . Fifth edition. (New York, New York: Oxford University Press, 2017).
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Bibliography Brunsdon, Alfred R. "Nostalgia as a pastoral–hermeneutical Key for Healing Complicated Grief in an Afro-Christian Context."  Verbum Et Ecclesia  40, no. 1 2019. Kottler, Jeffrey A. On Being a Therapist. Fifth edition . New York, New York: Oxford University Press, 2017. Hawkins, Ronald E. The New Christian Counselor. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2015. McMinn, Mark R. Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House, 2011. Nesbit Sbanotto, E. A., Gingrich, H. D., & Gingrich, F. C. Skills for Effective Counseling: A Faith-Based Integration. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press. 2016. Thomas, John C., and Sosin, Lisa.  Therapeutic Expedition: Equipping the Christian Counselor for the Journey . Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2011.