MFT 6105 A Horst Week 3 Roles and Rules- EFT

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6105

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Dec 6, 2023

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Examining Rules and Roles Alanna Horst Northcentral Unversity MFT 6105: Couples and Sex Therapy – Week 3 Dr. Servino May 16, 2022

Case Conceptualization Case Study Lana and Darin Johnson have come into couples therapy to discuss Lana's resistance to spicing up their love life. The couple has been married for five years and has until recently been in a solely monogamous marriage. Lana is a 32-year-old Caucasian female of the Christian faith, and Darin is a 36-year-old Caucasian male that identifies as agnostic. Lana is a teacher, and Darin has a thriving online business. Darin explains that the couple has been fighting because Lana refused to engage in a three-way. Lana considers the addition of another person akin to cheating, whereas Darin thinks it could only improve the bond between the couple. Darin expressed frustration with Lana for not trusting him. Lana says she feels like she may not be good enough for Darin, and she thinks it will be the end of their marriage. Lana sits on the opposite end of the couch from Darin, turned into herself. Lana says Darin is so adamant it comes across as demanding and angry; she says he doesn't even consider her side of things, which makes her angry and sad and leads to being withdrawn. Darin gets defensive, stating that he loves Lana and that nothing and no one can come between them; it's just to have a little fun, and he doesn't understand why Lana doesn't get it. Both agree that their varying feelings about this escalate the problem. The presenting problem is the lack of effective communication; when one person pushes, the other person in the relationship is withdrawn. Both parties are looking at each other in a negative frame. This subject continues to create distance, and both report more arguments to ensue. In the first session, the conversation between the couple seemed to be both critical/hurt and defensive, and at least one person became withdrawn. When discussing Darin's desire to

include another person, Darin began to blame Lana for her insecurity and disinterest in prioritizing his desires at times. As Lana explained, Darin's frustration causes the fighting in the relationship stating Darin does not consider that his trying to force the issue causes me to feel unattractive and unloved. Lana said if Darin really loved her, he wouldn't need to involve another person. Lana began to cry. Darin immediately said, see, that's what I'm talking about; this always happens. Darin felt no remorse or responsibility for Lana's feelings. Lana continued to turn into herself and away from Darin. Lana began to tell her side of the story; as Lana expanded on her feelings, Darin repeatedly interrupted her with a sigh or snide laugh. Lana states that she doesn't feel like she can talk to Darin because all he does is get angry or frustrated. Lana noted that when sex is not the issue, they love to spend time together and enjoy going to music festivals and wineries. Mentioned is the fact they rarely looked at one another and instead focused on this therapist; only when one talked about the other's faults did they look at each other. Neither party was willing to hear the other out. Strengths While Darin and Lana disagree on how to do this, both identify they want to save the marriage, and neither wants a divorce. The couple made an effort to attend therapy, which shows a dedication to at least the discovery of the next steps. Each of the individuals can clearly state their concerns. Without forcing the issue of sexual encounters, the couple does enjoy spending time with each other. The couple can identify what they believe creates a strong relationship, and there are similarities in their assessment of what makes marriages strong. Lana stating commitment, honesty, openness, and love make a strong relationship. Darin expressing honesty, respect for the individual, transparency, and love make a strong marriage. Lana finds strength in her religious affiliations.

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The overarching goal of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFCT) would be to create a strong attachment and strengthen the bond between the couple while decreasing Lana's feelings less than. Lana would be able to show an increase in self-esteem by expressing a disinterest without feeling attacked or not good enough. One of the other goals would be to help the couple communicate needs and desires in a healthy way while respecting the other person's boundaries. EFCT Model Description and Application Brigance et al. (2020) state EFCT is a way for each individual within the relationship to discuss and manage the emotion of relating to each other, resulting in long-term change. Brigance et al. (2020) continue that EFCT allows the pair to develop the ability to moderate their feelings and understand their partners' responses, leading to a stronger connection and improved communication that lasts. Brigance et al. (2020) discuss that this model is based on attachment, and when those attachments are in trouble, or one person in the relationship has been substantially hurt, the response is often anger. Brigance et al. (2020) suggest still this style of therapy creates a safe space within the relationship that allows the couple to share their feelings and that each will feel verified by the other in the subsystem. Domingue & Mullen (2009) share that different-sex and same-sex couples share a variety of markers of relationship fulfillment (i.e., closeness, equality, quality of discussions, shared likes, ability to joke, faithfulness, reliability, useful problem-solving skills, and distributed power. Domingue & Mullen (2009) explain that EFCT as part of attachment theory may be used to understand tensions in adult romantic partners. Domingue & Mullen (2009) review people's attachment styles to determine what presumptions and values they apply to their partners in relationships and

what they want out of a relationship, which influences what ideas, emotions, and conduct they express during disputes. Allan (2016) states that EFT is based on three stages: calming tensions, altering interpersonal stances, and integrating. Allan (2016) continues that EFT is broken into steps, and those steps include recognizing potential conflicts and the difficulties that arise from unrecognized personal emotions and facets of individuality and working to instead see the problem differently in terms of deeper feelings, identification of other's feelings. Allan (2016) further states EFT encourages acknowledgment of the partner's experience of various difficulties, including separation, infertility, mental illness, etc., and being able to discuss desires and needs, helping to find answers to issues. Allan (2016) states that EFT is beneficial for many presenting issues, including anguish and damage, melancholy, and sickness. Allan (2016) shares that 70– 75% of partners transition from difficulty to healing; additionally, 86–90% of couples show substantial growth, with the benefits lasting months to years following EFT. Allan (2016) states that when a therapist is doing this, they are to expand on past feelings to change the couple's encounters allowing one person to learn new ways to react, subsequently causing a more positive response for future interactions. Therapeutic Goals Scoates & Anderson (2019) realize, unlike monogamous partnerships, agreed non- monogamy frequently includes preemptive talks about concerns such as envy and hurt, recognizing this as a possible issue, and taking action steps to manage the feelings. Scoates & Anderson (2019) state consenting non-monogamous relationships often stress transparency, and dialogue aid in navigating sexual experiences. Because of this, it appears EFCT would be the appropriate style of therapy to address such issues. As Allan (2016) outlined, the first step would

be to reimagine the below surface feelings and the need for closeness and devotion. Allen (2016) states the second step includes the therapist working with each person to encourage the recognition of feelings of less than and other emotional responses and foster respect for their partner's experience. Allan (2016) continues step two also includes the development of new ways to connect and promote the discussions of desires and feelings through activities that help strengthen the connection. Allan (2016) outlines, finally, focus on finding new ways to solve past relationship issues and cementing each partner's new roles in their fresh, more pleasant engagement cycle. Based on ICEEFT (2022), I would first consider restating the person's view by addressing negative primary and secondary feelings; and then affrim their feelings as valid. To increase the liklihood that each person will feel heard and respected. ICEEFT (2022) identifies next; I would monitor and direct the enactment, the way the events typically occur, asking each to share with the other their feelings. The goal is to restructure and change how each person responds during interactions. ICEEFT (2022) suggests that, ideally, one should question each person's feelings and what that looks like. Hopefully, it will increase vulnerability and decrease the defensiveness by allowing them to see each other and true intentions, not those perceived. As ICEEFT (2022) states, it would be beneficial as I would use imagery to describe how intense interactions are viewed. The goal is to allow the partnership to understand each other better. ICEEFT (2022) explains that it would be appropriate if I were able to review the new way of thinking and changes in their retorts and reinforce the positive plan to deal with these events in the future. This should solidify the connection and allow each to feel more secure, heard, and appreciated in their relationship. The ultimate goal is to encourage positive communication and the ability to address and fix future issues.

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Reflection I like the way this model attempts to discover and address emotions in an effort to change the negative conversations and behaviors. EFCT works with couples to teach them how to be self-reliant and use their strengths and resources to meet any problem head-on and minimize the emotional toll on each party. Giving each person a chance to see things from the other's perspective should at the very least help couples to agree to disagree. I also like that it promotes a thoughtful exploration of self and others. I also like the idea that this type of therapy works for so many different problems that occur in couples regardless of their kind of relationship.

References Allan, R. (2016) The use of emotionally focused therapy with separated or divorced couples. Canadian Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy, (50) 3. 62-79. https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx? direct=true&AuthType=sso&db=psyh&AN=2016-59182-005&site=eds-live&scope=site . Brigance, C. A., Brown E. C., & Rocco-Cottone, R. (2020) Therapeutic interventions for couples Infertility: An emotionally focused couples therapy approach. The Family Journal, (29) 1. 72-79. https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480720973420 Domingue, R. & Mullen, D. (2009) Attachment and conflict communication in adult romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, (26) 5. 678-696. https://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0265407509347932 ICEEFT (2022) Creating connection. ICEEFT – The International Centre For Excellence In Emotionally Focused Therapy Scoates, R. & Anderson, E (2019) My partner was just all over her: Jealousy, communication and rules in mixed-sex threesomes. Culture, Health and Sexuality, (21). 134-146.

MFT 6105 A Horst Week 3 Roles and Rules- EFT

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