137c Final Study Guide

● Four Factors ○ 1. Seriousness of the offense: minor acts more likely to be forgiven ○ 2. Personality of the victim: more empathetic, agreeable, emotionally stable, secure attachment —> more likely to forgive ○ 3. Qualities of apology: expressions of remorse promote forgiveness ○ 4. Qualities of relationship: forgiveness more likely in satisfying, committed relationship ■ partner already has a lot invested OR victim feels they have no good alternatives or would lose a lot by not forgiving ● Impact stage: partner learns of transgression ○ disorientation, confusion, anger, accusations, withdrawal ● Meaning stage: offended partner tries to make sense of why incident happened ○ understanding, predict what partner will do, maybe try to get a confession ● Moving-on stage: victim finds a way to adjust/move beyond incident ○ might recognize further hostility is not productive, feelings of forgiveness at intra and/or interpersonal level to restore relationship Reactivity Hypothesis: suggests that unhappy partners are more sensitive to the tone of immediate events; one person might be “on guard” and ready to find meaning in the things the other person said and did, good and bad, as a way of gauging how the relationship was going

- It turns out that satisfaction with sex depends a lot on why you are having it. Sex as an expression of desire or passion for your partner is a turn-on; sex as an obligation or a chore is not ● Double sex group reported being less happy, did not lead them to produce more positive emotions

This pertains to the egocentricity that we aren’t really aware of - We all believe that the world is objective and we see it as it is - If we have the same info and interpret it rationally then we should always agree! - If we do disagree than one of us is wrong and it's NOT me - The consequence is me defending my view more, calling you crazy, accusing you of distorting the truth - The prison of the self that limits our options to resolve conflict Conflict will be common but it need not be adversarial or destructive

■ private passionate nature, high degree of interdependence, tendency to invite conflict ■ violent partners less skilled at reading emotions ○ intraindividual perspective- partners’ enduring qualities and personal histories ■ family origin, early exposure to aggression ■ ^ Sometimes violence in my own relationship BUT not always due to 2 mediators… ■ 1. strong attachment in adult relationship that prevents aggression towards partner ■ 2. social/societal condemnation and rejection of violence to partner prevents them from perpetrating violence ● Coercive Controlling Violence: aggression is used by one partner to dominate the other partner (proactive, reflects a systematic strategy) ○ usually the man in straight couples ○ perpetrators sometimes referred to as batterers ○ far more likely to result in severe injuries, involve police, attempted murder, or death ○ Benefit more from individual treatment ○ far more likely to be diagnosed with psychological disorder ■ typically antisocial or borderline ○ more violent in general, abuse drugs and alcohol, manipulative ● Coercive controlling special focus box ○ battered women DO leave abusive relationships in large numbers ■ 39% of couples had dissolved over 2-year period ■ much higher rate than general population ■ all initiated by the women ■ more common among women subject to emotional and verbal abuse than physical ○ batterer can decrease illegal behavior (physical abuse) and substitute legal behavior (emotional abuse) to keep control ● 3 Phase Cycle of Violence (coercive controlling) ○ 1. Tension-building phase: hostility reaches point of angry outburst ■ response to feelings of jealousy and desire to control ○ 2. Explosive, acute battering phase: tension unleashed as uncontrollable rage and aggression ■ often context of disagreement or frustrating moment ○ 3. Contrition (remorse) phase: apologizes, promises to change, tries to convince abuse will never happen again ■ temporary calm, promises forgotten, tension-building phase begins again ● Early research had two opposing perspectives: advocacy and family sociology ○ advocacy perspective- mostly coercive controlling, crime data sets ○ family sociology perspective- mostly situational couple, telephone survey data ○ differences found between gender rates, discovered there are different types of aggression

Ch. 13 Basic ideas about Bronfenbrenner’s social ecological model? Ways in which social networks can benefit and harm intimate relationships. Stress crossover, Stress spillover Why do low income couples experience more difficulties in maintaining enduring relationships? Why study context and relationships? Basic ideas about Bronfenbrenner’s social ecological model? Proximal context- Elements that are nearby and part of the immediate environment, and therefore affect the couple most directly - ex) time of day an interaction takes place, their living conditions, and the friends and family with whom they interact with Distal context- influences in the environment that are removed, with which the couple has no direct contact - ex) economic, cultural, and historical conditions elements of the context get more proximal as they affect the couple more directly elements of the context get more distal as they affect the couple less directly Study of aftermath of a hurricane: more an area was damaged = more the marriage and divorce rates increased immediately after storm ● a relationship may suffer when resources are inadequate to manage an acute event, but with adequate resources, a stressful episode could bring a couple closer together. ● Chronic is long lasting ex. Neighborhood you live in ● Acute context is more sudden short term event ex. Car crash or illness Ways in which social networks can benefit and harm intimate relationships. Social networks: the families, friendships, neighborhoods, clubs, and institutions that connect those two individuals IN-PERSON When the social network of a couple approves of the relationship, friends and family members can make life easier for the couple by treating both partners as a unit and supporting them during difficult times.

Ch. 15 Rationale behind Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy effectiveness studies, efficacy studies. Main techniques in traditional behavioral couples therapy? Differences among various forms of couples therapy Primary emotion versus secondary emotion Figure comparing outcomes of IBCT and TBCT Basic conclusions about relationship education Ways that scholars have tried to improve upon Traditional Behavioral Couples Therapy ● Rationale behind Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy ○ Traditional behavioral and cognitive-behavioral approaches were inadequate because they encouraged impossible changes in some cases ○ ALTERNATIVE = INTEGRATIVE: If some parts of the relationship can’t be fixed, then find ways to accept those differences between you and your partner and find ways to see that in a positive light ○ Combined standard behavioral interventions with techniques that helped couples see the benefit of tolerating and accepting displeasing aspects of their partner ○ “When direct efforts to change are blocked by incompatibilities, irreconcilable differences, and unsolvable problems, the only way to generate relationship improvement is by promoting acceptance of what seems at first glance unacceptable” ○ Ex. unaffectionate partner → IBCT provides tools for adjusting that to reality ■ When the pressure for more affection is lifted and your partner’s natural level of expressing affection is understood and validated by you, then he or she might actually come to be more loving and affectionate. ■ More emphasis is put on offended partner’s capacity for accommodating the mate’s behavior than on changing the offending behavior itself ● Efficacy study: type of outcome research designed to determine whether a therapeutic intervention can produce desired results; involves randomly assigning participants to one or more forms of therapy and comparing their outcomes to those of participants who did not receive the treatment ● Effectiveness study: type of outcome research designed to determine whether a therapeutic intervention does produce desired results in the real world; differs from an

problem, to discuss only one problem at a time, and to generate solutions in which both partners must make behavioral changes. - By teaching couples new skills for communicating, behavioral couples therapists try to steer partners away from influencing each other with nagging and disengagement, shift the balance from punishing to rewarding exchanges, and give them the tools they need to manage their relationship in the future. Emotional Models - Emotionally focused Couples Therapy: By drawing out the emotional moments in couples’ conversations, emotionally focused couples therapists aim to create “bonds” instead of the “bargains” of the behavioral approaches - A cornerstone of emotionally focused couples therapy is the idea, originating with John Bowlby and formalized in attachment theory, that people have a built-in need for safe and secure connections with others. If this basic need is not satisfied in a relationship, then we feel vulnerable and exposed, and we experience distress and anxiety as a consequence. (primary emotions and secondary emotions) Primary emotion versus secondary emotion: -A cornerstone of emotionally focused couples therapy is the idea, originating with John Bowlby and formalized in attachment theory, that people have a built-in need for safe and secure connections with others. If this basic need is not satisfied in a relationship, then we feel vulnerable and exposed, and we experience distress and anxiety as a consequence. Unmet needs produce strong primary emotions , such as feelings of abandonment, fear of rejection, sadness, shame, and helplessness, but these are often masked by self-protective secondary emotions , such as anger and contempt. -Negative exchanges between partners tend to involve repeated displays of damaging secondary emotions, gradually eroding mutual trust and making the expression of primary emotions less likely. This is unfortunate, because it’s the primary emotions tha t have the greatest potential for eliciting empathy—getting partners to care more for each other. For example, Jane might be feeling sad or lonely in the relationship, but she finds it hard to express those soft emotions—maybe because Larry has said or done things that lead her to think he will reject those feelings. Jane might lash out at Larry, or she might stew and sulk, and erupt in anger when he eventually asks her what’s wrong. Can you think of times when you or another person you were close to expressed anger, a secondary emotion, but deeper down you knew that a more painful emotion, like shame or feeling hurt or betrayed, was really at work Differences among various forms of couples therapy - behavioral couples therapy: the main form of couples therapy that incorporates the principles of social learning theory, behaviors are not viewed as sign of other hidden

problem, specific behaviors themselves are the problem and primary target for therapeutic change - Cognitive behavioral couples therapy: focuses on cognitive factors, such as interpretations of behavior, in addition to observation of the behaviors themselves. Therapists working from this perspective recognize that the behaviors of one person are a product of thoughts and feelings in response to the other partner’s actions. They notice that the exact same behavior expressed by one partner can lead to very different responses by the other, depending on the way that partner interprets or makes sense of that behavior. - integrative couples therapy: combined standard behavioral interventions (behavior exchange, communication training, and problem-solving training) with techniques that helped couples see the benefit of tolerating, and even accepting, aspects of each other and the relationship that were displeasing, integrative behavioral therapists make use of three primary techniques for promoting acceptance: empathic joining, unified detachment, and tolerance building Figure Comparing Outcomes

*will be on exam* Risk matters