Assignment 3 PSY 320

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1 ASSIGNMENT 3: THE “ONE” Assignment 3: The “One” Andrea Feria College of Behavioral and Social Sciences, California Baptist University PSY 320-BE: Life Span Development Dr. Audra Stinson October 12, 2023

2 ASSIGNMENT 3: THE “ONE” Introduction There are various factors that may lead an individual to pursue someone romantically. There are also various factors that will drive a person away from a potential romantic prospect. Some may prefer a partner with similarities such as common interests while others prefer for their partner to be the polar opposite of who they are. The majority of society claims that opposites attract and they might in many instances. Society has set guidelines for us to follow when on the search for a potential partner. However, it is one’s ultimate decision to choose who is the best fit for them in the great sea of fish. Personal Experience Considering my past dating experiences, I am able to reflect more clearly on what has drawn me towards certain people and driven me away from others. During my early teenage years, I immaturely considered solely a person’s appearance or attractiveness as a well enough reason to pursue them. As I have grown older, I’ve learned the valuable lesson of compatibility and finding someone who can balance me out. When looking for compatibility in someone, I am drawn towards someone who shares the same beliefs, moral views, and perspectives as I do. Although many do prefer their significant other to be different than they are, holding to the same worldview and system of belief is essential in seeing eye to eye and avoiding constant conflict. Adverse Childhood Experiences and Relationships It is vital to consider how one’s past experiences can affect their ability to form healthy relationships. Factors such as childhood traumas or lack of attachment may create a challenge in connecting emotionally for romantic partners and can cause an individual to become emotionally unavailable. In more serious scenarios, adverse childhood experiences can lead to domestic violence between partners when one has been exposed to family violence, substance abuse from

3 ASSIGNMENT 3: THE “ONE” a parent, and traumatic events experienced as a child (McClure & Parmenter, 2020). When entering a romantic relationship, an individual must learn to build an emotional connection with their partner free of abuse, regardless of what previous experiences they have endured. By the same token, a significant other should practice patience and understanding with their partner who has endured many negative experiences in their lives and be available to comfort and support when necessary. Personality Types and Similarities in Relationships When choosing a romantic partner, personality type plays a very important role. Writing from experience, an individual’s personality, their characteristics and way of being, is a factor that cannot be ignored. Studies have found most long-term relationships (five years or more) to have partners with notable similarities in belief systems and personality traits (Ye et al., 2023). Although many believe opposites attract in relationships, the truth is that similarities bring people together, even in platonic settings. Having healthy differences such as a shy personality vs. being more outgoing are perfect contrasts. However, identifying with different political parties or subscribing to two very different religions may be contrasts that drive a wedge between a couple. Maintaining a Healthy Marriage Marriage between two romantic partners may not always be easy and can come with many challenges and compromises. Nevertheless, there are qualities that can maintain a healthy marriage and satisfaction with one’s spouse. After having considered the healthy marriages of couples around me such as my own parents, I can say that one of the most important factors is keeping respect for a partner. Understanding when to listen or when to apologize is crucial in maintaining respect and valuing the word of your spouse. Healthy matrimony includes mutual

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4 ASSIGNMENT 3: THE “ONE” understanding between partners and respect that is only a result when there is love in the relationship (Kaur & Bhargava, 2016). Factors that may bring division in a marriage include having unrealistic expectations for a spouse to follow, being secretive and lacking communication with a partner, and not forgiving when necessary. In my personal opinion, the greatest relationship killer is not putting God first in one’s marriage. As I see in my own parents’ relationship, keeping God in the center has led to many years of love, respect, and harmony with very minimal conflict. Marriage in Christianity For Christians, marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman meant to be kept. Part of our journey throughout life should include finding the right partner that will strengthen our relationship with Christ within a healthy marriage. Genesis 2:18 states, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” God’s intention is for each believer to be accompanied by a spouse that intends to further God’s kingdom with their partner. According to God’s Word, a marriage should be loving and filled with respect. When reading the Bible, we are able to recognize the true recipe to a successful marriage; keeping God in the center while adhering to the ways in which God intends for us to treat our partners.

5 ASSIGNMENT 3: THE “ONE” References Kaur, T., & Bhargava, M. (2016). Correlates of marital harmony. Indian Journal of Health & Wellbeing , 7 (9), 893–896. McClure, M. M., & Parmenter, M. (2020). Childhood Trauma, Trait Anxiety, and Anxious Attachment as Predictors of Intimate Partner Violence in College Students. Journal of Interpersonal Violence , 35 (23/24), 6067–6082. https://doi-org.libproxy.calbaptist.edu/10.1177/0886260517721894 Ye, S., Ma, M. Z., So, J. J. M., & Ng, T. K. (2023). The effects of similarity in personality and values on relationship satisfaction among dating couples: A response surface analysis. Personality & Individual Differences , 213 , N.PAG. https://doi- org.libproxy.calbaptist.edu/10.1016/j.paid.2023.112306

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