M07 Writing Assignment

Original Document: Plaintiffs/Appellants William and June Barnes bought a house in 1971 from the original owners John and Mary Shipman. The Shipmans had the house built in 1967-68 by appellee Mac Brown & Co. After buying the house, the Barnes discovered a leak in the basement caused by a large crack in the walls which cost them $3500 in repairs. They filed a two-count complaint for 1. Breach of implied warranty and 2. Fraudulent concealment by the Shipmans. The motion was dismissed by the trial court and made its way to the Indiana Supreme Court through the court of appeals. New and Improved Version: In 1971, Plaintiffs/Appellants William and June Barnes acquired a property from the original owners, John and Mary Shipman. Constructed in 1967-68 by appellee Mac Brown & Co., the house became the focal point of a legal dispute when the Barnes identified a basement leak attributable to a substantial wall crack, leading to a $3500 repair expense. They initiated legal action, filing a two-count complaint, alleging 1. Breach of implied warranty and 2. Fraudulent concealment by the Shipmans. Despite their efforts, the trial court dismissed the motion, necessitating an appeal process that ultimately brought the case to the attention of the Indiana Supreme Court through the Court of Appeals. Analysis: Grammar and Punctuation: The revised version ensures correct grammar and punctuation throughout the text. | paid special attention to sentence structure and used appropriate punctuation marks to enhance readability. Style Improvement: | focused on refining the style by restructuring sentences for clarity and coherence. This involved eliminating wordy phrases and improving the flow of information. Active Voice Usage: | actively utilized the active voice to enhance the clarity and directness of the narrative. This promotes a more engaging and straightforward tone. Consistency and Detail: The new version maintains consistency in verb tenses and provides additional details for a more comprehensive understanding of the events. Sentence Variety: | incorporated sentence variety to avoid monotony, making the text more engaging. This involved using a mix of sentence structures for a smoother reading experience.