Student Writing Examples Junior Year
docx
keyboard_arrow_up
School
San Diego State University *
*We aren’t endorsed by this school
Course
2468
Subject
English
Date
Apr 3, 2024
Type
docx
Pages
6
Uploaded by ElderLyrebird4219
Inspiration for Writing
Courtesy of the Classes of 2019 and 2020
I.
INTRODUCTIONS AND CONCLUSIONS
Examples of Effective Framing (using a similar idea in hook and conclusion)
Introduction: On August 28
th
, 1955, a 14-year-old boy named Emmett Till was brutally murdered by a mob of white men for supposedly inappropriately whistling at a white woman. His death left terror in the faces of millions of people across the nation. One of the many young individuals who was taken aback by this atrocity was Muhammad Ali—originally named Cassius Clay—who was just thirteen at the time. Ali was horrified by this brutality and from that day forth, he dreamed of fighting against racial acts that forced millions of African Americans across the globe to live in fear….
Conclusion: Throughout the struggles and successes within his boxing career, Ali was able to connect with the general public and provide a message about hope, while ultimately breaking down racial barriers and urging for a society that revolved around equality. By growing up in a world of discrimination and violence, monstrosities like Emmett Till’s death angered Ali and boxing allowed him to channel this anger. As he boxing career progressed, Ali transitioned from a radical supporter of Malcom X to a peaceful conscientious objector in the Vietnam War .While his strength and grit allowed him to defeat a multiplicity of boxers, his confident, engaging
and influential personality is what led to him climbing up the ladder of fame. Even while suffering from Parkinson’s Disease toward the end of his life, resilience and tenacity still shined through, while his body was failing him. He ultimately became a symbol of resistance, insistence, and a refusal to be silenced. Though he did
experience many failures as well as successes, Ali’s choices ultimately shaped him into an impactful, insightful individual that earned him the title of The People’s Champion. How does the author connect the intro and the conclusion?
Introduction:
Four boys from Liverpool came to America and changed the culture of music forever. The Beatles were a British rock band that made the trek to America in 1964 in order to achieve world fame and fortune. Even before they made the trip over from Europe they experienced fame…
Conclusion: The four boys from Liverpool had an unmeasurable impact on culture and music. “Even though they recorded together for just one decade….
How does the author connect the intro and the conclusion?
Introduction:
At the core of traditional Christianity is the idea that, “whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned” (The Holy Bible, Mark 16:16). The earliest American immigrants, Pilgrims from New England shared this Christian ideal when seeking new land to be free from the Church of England. These settlers built everything centered around Puritanism, a sect of Christianity in which the Bible is taken literally, also known as Fundamentalism (McIntosh). This form of Christianity is still practiced today, known as Evangelicalism, although many preachers have a more relaxed approach in order to attract and gain a modern audience….
Conclusion:
Since colonial times, American Protestantism and evangelism has changed tremendously attracting a significant number of Christians. Billy Graham, an Evangelical preacher, changed the way that Traditionalism was viewed
How does the author connect the intro and the conclusion?
Epigraph at beginning of intro:
“They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” Benjamin Franklin (qtd in Spangenburg)
Conclusion (last sentence): After all, a country that is able to take away rights and civil liberties of “the people” at
any given moment for safety is not a country of the free, it is a country that has neither liberty nor safety. How does the author connect the epigraph in the intro and the last line of the conclusion?
Examples of Effective Hooks using Allusions
Hook
:
On September 11th, 2001, history added another day which would live in infamy: “Remember the hours after September 11 when we came together as one! It was the worst day we have ever seen, but it brought out the best in all of us” said former Secretary of State John Kerry…
What allusion does the author use to draw the reader into the subject of the paper?
Hook
:
Between 1920 and 1933, America enacted a prohibition of alcohol in which the government has criminalized consumption and production of alcohol…However, today there is a new prohibition in America, the War on Drugs.
What allusion does the author use to draw the reader into the subject of the paper?
Examples of Effective Integration of Quote as a Hook
Hook:
The world is big and wide, but as scientist David Bohm once said, “during the past few decades, modern technology, with radio, TV, air travel, and satellites, has woven a network of communication which puts each part of the…
How did the author integrate the quote into the first sentence of the essay?
Epigraphs
If you are using a stand-alone quote to start your paper with no lead-in, then you must
use the epigraph formatting:
Include: Quote, authors full name, title of source
Quote: centered, italics, NO quotation marks,
Author’s name preceded by an Em-Dash, no italics
Use single spacing within an epigraph consisting of multiple lines
No parenthetical citation.
YOU MUST HAVE A WORKS CITED ENTRY THAT CORRESPONDS TO THE EPIGRAPH
Examples of Effectively Restating Thesis in Conclusions Thesis in intro: The ENIAC program created an operator based calculating algorithm, promoted nuclear weapons development, and inspired female workers in male dominating engineering fields, which technologically and humanitarianly solidified the foundation of the American computer industry.
Thesis restated in conclusion:
In conclusion, the ENIAC broke the gender expectations of women, rewrote the calculation algorithm in the computer, and solved military puzzles which concreted the modern computer industry in America.
Can you identify the parallel ideas in the two statements?
Thesis in intro:
Although Hurricane Katrina is widely known as a destructive hurricane and for the government’s failed response that followed it, the greatest impact it had was the toll on low-income demographics through the nationwide inflation, employment rate changes, mortgage delinquency increase, and unequal insurance reparations that created more severe class distinction and highlighted America’s economic flaws.
Thesis restated in conclusion:
Widely known for the failed government reaction, Hurricane Katrina’s greatest impact was the economic regressions for low-income demographics that were caused by nationwide inflation, employment rate
changes, mortgage delinquency increase, and unequal insurance reparations, leading to severe class distinction and the unveiling of America’s economic flaws.
Can you identify the parallel ideas in the two statements?
Examples of Specific Detail and Synthesis in Conclusion Conclusion: In conclusion, the ENIAC broke the gender expectations of women, rewrote the calculation algorithm in the computer, and solved military puzzles which concreted the modern computer industry in America. Focusing on debugging even on the eve of Valentine’s day, Jenning and other five female computer programmers proved the dedication and strength of women in computer programming which inspired millions of female programmers to join the industry. The operator based calculation algorithm not only confirmed to accurately calculate 5,000 additions per second but also opened an unlimited combination between numbers and logical symbols. The drop of the spark will lead
to raging flames as a small lab in the University of Pennsylvania inspired the Silicon Valley. The steps of chasing the endless light of humanity will never stop: the invention of the first multi-purpose computer, the ENIAC, begun the modern computer industry, and will influence the future as well. Can you identify the specific details of the author’s arguments?
II.
THESIS STATEMENTS AND BTS ARGUMENTS
Examples of Effective Thesis Structure
Thesis:
In Adventures of Huckleberry Finn Mark Twain uses Juvenalian satire through characters’ racist dialogue to portray anti-
slavery views, thus mocking the mindless racism and white supremacist society present in the Antebellum South during this time period. Can you identify the detailed how/what/so what?
Thesis:
Elvis Presley’s unique musical style and performances in the late 1940s commenced a new era of Rock ‘n’ Roll in which African American music was integrated into white society and new representations of clothing and dance surfaced, ultimately raising money for music industries and causing the teen generation to break away from traditional expectations and values imposed by the older generation
Can you identify the detailed how/what/so what?
Your preview ends here
Eager to read complete document? Join bartleby learn and gain access to the full version
- Access to all documents
- Unlimited textbook solutions
- 24/7 expert homework help
Thesis:
Muhammad Ali’s individualistic ideals and engaging personality brought awareness to racial injustice in
order to promote change, ultimately breaking the racial barriers of the time while instilling a common sense of hope into the hearts and minds of both blacks and whites. Can you identify the detailed how/what/so what?
Examples of Focused BTS Statements and Topic Sentences
EXAMPLE #1
Main Thesis:
The legalization of marijuana has had a positive impact in the state of Washington, adding to the economy and medical benefits of Washington state, which creates a push for national legalization that would create jobs and add more medical benefits for all of America.
BTS #1:
The legalization of marijuana in Washington has brought increased tax revenue for the state creating a positive example for the rest of the nation, and ultimately providing support for the legalization of marijuana.
Topic Sentence for BTS #1 Sub-Paragraph
: Washington continues to benefit from the impacts of marijuana showing the potential that other states have by legalizing marijuana as well.
Topic Sentence for BTS #1 Sub-Paragraph
The large potential tax revenue for the United States government created by marijuana creates a growing push for national legalization that would create more jobs and opportunities for the American people.
BTS #2: The states that have legalized marijuana are finding success in the practice of medical marijuana showing the benefits of national legalization by adding to an increase in the public health of the nation.
Topic Sentence for BTS #2 Sub-Paragraph
: Authors other than Michael Lenza write of similar medical benefits and the reasons for national legalization.
Restatement of Thesis in Conclusion:
A large push for national legalization of marijuana has been caused by the potential for additional jobs and better medical benefits, already partially created by the smaller legalized regions of America that are experiencing a boost to their economy and medical opportunities from marijuana.
What transition words and phrases does the author use to connect topic sentences to BTS and Thesis arguments?
EXAMPLE #2
Main Thesis: Despite Owens’ monumental success, in the aftermath of the 1936 Olympics the US demonstrated a lack of
progress towards eliminating the discrimination of African Americans through its disrespectful treatment of Owens and his race, ultimately proving the nation’s failure to make strides towards its ideals of equality and opportunity in the 20th century. BTS #1: Jesse Owens’ complete and historic domination of his events in Berlin impeded Hitler’s claims of aryan superiority and gave the US a sense of nationalism, warranting a new respect for Owens and African Americans in America.
Topic Sentence for BTS #1 Sub-Paragraph:
With Germany’s hope for Aryan dominance in the Olympics, Owens—an African American—spoiled their plans by displaying a dominant effort for the US.
BTS #2: Yet despite Owens’ huge achievements at the Berlin Games, his success was followed by poor treatment
and new emerging racist scientific theories in America, proving racism against African Americans remained prevalent in the US in the 1930s.
Topic Sentence for BTS #2 Sub-Paragraph
: Another example of Owens’ poor treatment after the Olympics was the manner in which his career proceeded to plummet.
Topic Sentence for BTS #2 Sub-Paragraph
: Another example of the US’ disrespectful reaction to Owens’ success was the new racist scientific theories that emerged in the following years.
BTS #3: The continual discrimination against African Americans through the rest of Owens’ life—despite his rallies for change—showed that his historical performance in the 1936 Olympics never amounted to improvement for his race in America in the 20th century, ultimately demonstrating that the US strayed away from its ideals of equality and opportunity.
Topic Sentence for BTS #3 Sub Paragraph
: One specific example of discriminatory behavior against blacks in the later 1900s incredibly similar to Owens’ experience with the 1936 Olympics was the 1968 Mexico City Olympics
Restatement of Thesis in Conclusion: Overall, Jesse Owens’ legacy in the 1900s demonstrated the racist regime through the poor treatment and racist ideas that emerged after his dominant 1936 Olympic performance, ultimately showing that the US did not work towards achieving equality and opportunity for all races throughout most of the 20th century.
What transition words and phrases does the author use to connect topic sentences to BTS and Thesis arguments?
I.
EVIDENCE
Examples of Effective Use of Direct Quotes and Paraphrasing Evidence
Evidence: Common Filipinos and guerrilla members alike may have viewed “the United States in a similar light [as the Japanese] given the horrors of the 1899 Philippine-American War, [but they now longed] for the return of the Americans” (Francia). Despite the previous actions and atrocities committed by the Americans, they seemed little in comparison to that which the Japanese were committing, making many believe that Americans were they lesser of two evils. The resistance to the Japanese was widespread and USAFFE officer led guerrilla bands and underground units were everywhere, and for the most part, they aided U.S. plans for retaking the islands (Francia).
How did the author use brackets to adjust the direct quote to fit the flow of the lead-in? What information did
the author choose to paraphrase in the second sentence?
Examples of Effective Use of Partial Quote with Contextual Lead-in
After discovering that Calpurnia took Jem and Scout to her all-black church named First Purchase, Aunt Alexandra suggests to Atticus, “you’ve got to do something about [Calpurnia]… you have a daughter to think of. A daughter who’s growing up… We don’t need her now” (182).
How did the author carefully select what to use in the paper?
I.
ANALYSIS
Examples of Effective Use of Source Evaluations/Credibility Evidence:
Kenneth T. LaPensee has written over 10 books about various diseases and provides a detailed Cultural impact on the AIDS epidemic: “Although cases of AIDS have been retrospectively identified, the disease only came to the attention…”
How does the author help you to trust the evidence being presented? Ethos?
California state epidemiologist James Chin, who specializes in 1970s – 1980s communicable diseases, states that, “During the first few years of what was initially referred to as GRID (gay-related immune deficiency), there was general denial of the severity of this newly recognized mystery disease…”
How does the author help you to trust the evidence being presented? Ethos?
In Seattle at Camp Harmony, faced with an absolute loss of freedom, the prisoners lived in confined spaces with water leaking through the roofs and soaking all of their belongings (Fiset). Being in a leaking stall for months and months, causes ones mind to lose sight of reality. Fiset, a professor and author who specializes in gathering eyewitness accounts about those interned during WWII, uses first hand testimonies to illustrate exactly what losing civil liberties entails and how the government had the power to take those away for no reason.
How does the author help you to trust the evidence being presented? Ethos?
Examples of Analysis:
In his final statement, Rocky stated, "During this fight, I’ve seen a lot of changing, in the way you feel about me, and the way I feel about you. In here, there were two guys killing each other, but I guess that’s better than twenty million. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!" (Stallone). In Rocky’s speech, Stallone put his message in to words, calling for an end to the conflict between the US and U.S.S.R. He emphasized the need for change in America, creation a new perception of the Soviet public in order to lessen the antagonism present in American society. Victoria Elmwood analyzes the connection between Rocky IV
and the Cold War: “Rocky, in this movie, was a symbol of change. Culminating in his powerful speech, Rocky communicates that despite years of Cold War antagonism, competition, and bloodshed, it is still possible to make amends and to change” (Elmwood). Stallone believed that change was necessary for there to be peace in American society…
How does the author use both
primary and secondary sources to support one claim?
Examples of Effective Use of Literary Device BTS
:
Aunt Alexandra’s use of verbal discrimination targeting Tom and Calpurnia–the two main African American characters–shows her to be a racist and illustrates the mistreatment of black people in the South. Context
: On Christmas day, Scout’s family visits Finch’s Landing, where Scout is subjected to Aunt Alexandra’s irritating grandson, Francis. Lead-in + partial quote
:During the small family reunion, Francis informs Scout that “grandma says it’s bad enough [Atticus] lets you all run wild, but now he’s turned out a nigger-lover we’ll never be able to walk the streets of Maycomb agin. He’s ruinin’ the family, that’s what he’s doin’” (110). Analysis #1
: Through Francis’ recitation, Aunt Alexandra’s use of hyperbole in the phrase “we’ll never be able to walk the streets of Maycomb agin” demonstrates her strong disliking for Atticus’ agreement to defend Tom Robinson in court. Analysis #2: Because of this opinion and her use of the derogatory n-word, Aunt Alexandra is characterized as extremely racist.
How does the author develop analysis about the author’s use of literary techniques?
Your preview ends here
Eager to read complete document? Join bartleby learn and gain access to the full version
- Access to all documents
- Unlimited textbook solutions
- 24/7 expert homework help