Journal Seven
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Southern New Hampshire University *
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510
Subject
English
Date
Nov 24, 2024
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docx
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4
Uploaded by lemon1991
Tatiana Omari
Professor McDermott
English 510
1.
11/03/2023
Journal Seven: Writing Tense Dialogue
It wasn't the Uhaul, but the musty sweet smell of well tobacco mixed with the distanced
sound of cows mooing that made Azania snap out of her delusion. She convinced herself up until
this moment that she was prepared for this move, but the further she got away from the only life
she knew the more she struggled with the reality of leaving it all behind and starting all over
again.
" Look at you already pouting about leaving” Sina said looking over at her younger sister. The
only person in this world who made every decision she made, worth it.
For years, she planned on leaving the crime ridden environment that reared them, and
finally it felt like the light of freedom was being shone it’s light in their direction. They were
unfortunate products of growing up in a place that everyone wanted to escape. A place where the
grim reaper waited for them on every street corner, a place where the hero and the villains wore
the same cape, and a place where the victims and perpetrators ate at the same table. Sina was
determined that they would never be one of the countless names spray painted on a building
under the daunting three letters - R.I.P. She sacrificed her youth to prevent them from being
memorialized like their mother or incarcerated like their father. She stood up to the responsibility
of raising Azania when she was barely 15, and growing up to fast was starting to take it toll. So
for her this was more than a simple move down south, this was her only chance to run away, and
have an attempt of a brighter future.
"Don’t start, I’m just trying to figure out why we had to leave so suddenly".
“Suddenly?” Sina screeched as the car began to dance with the wet pavement on the highway.
“Yes, suddenly, you couldn’t wait until I said bye to my friends.”
“FRIENDS! Those girls are not your friends.”
“Here we go” Azania slouched back in the chair anticipating a lecture.
“It not your “Friends” you’re pouting about, it’s that worthless man that you talk to ” Sina said
as she swooped into a gas station and parking in the far back
.
The night was growing more and more daunting as it grew darker and colder cold. She
knew there was no way that she would make it to their destination safely. Mainly, because she
wasn’t use to driving in places without any street lights.
“Worthless? You must of forgot who you’re messing with” ?
Azania continued as she grabbed her
purse and jacket.
It’s been 14 hours since they left their hometown, and it didn’t seem like their little trip
would be coming to an end anytime soon. To make matters worst Sina forced her to leave her
phone behind, along with the majority of her stuff.
“Am I the dumb ass pouting about leaving my toxic relationship behind”?
“Oh so now, I’m a dumb ass”?
“Yes, the fact that you allow that man control your thoughts so much, is dummy behavior”.
“Says the person afraid of being tracked, who’s the one being controlled here”?
Sina rolled her eyes at Azania, as she stepped out of the driver seat and sprinted into the gas
station. Grabbing a load of salty snacks and sugary drinks. She was in fact, terrified of being
found, terrified that her only chance would be snatched away from her like the other chances
before it. She only wished she could tell her sister the truth about her sudden decision to leave,
but she knew that some things needed time, and only time would chance the outcome. She pulled
down her sleeves attempting to hide the bruises that traveled up her arm, and shifted her bangs
over the purplish mark on the side of her face. She knew the foundation she applied earlier didn’t
cover much under the fluorescent bright light.
Justification
This excerpt is the beginning scene of a story about two sister moving to a new town
where there’s a mysterious presence. I choose to write and argument where on the surface is
seem like one sister (Azania) is upset about the move and the other (Sina) feels justified in her
decision to move to a different state.
However, the real argument is a mix between exhaustion, and the fact that one of them
thinks she is keeping a secret from the other who already have a clue about what’s going on.
Azania, is confused about the sudden actions of Sina and wants an explanation, but as the older
sister and the caregiver Sina doesn’t feel like she needs to explain herself. She also knows that in
doing so it would trigger Azania to act irrationally. This creates a tension that is a mix of sadness,
anger, and resentment.
I mainly used direct dialogue to establish the relationship between both characters and
how they are taking in this moment. I also used dialogue tags to state action, and to highlight the
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tone shifting between the two characters. My reasoning for using these techniques in to amplify
the current moment in the story.