About Self-Esteem
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Dawson Community College *
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101
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Communications
Date
Apr 3, 2024
Type
docx
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Uploaded by PrivateBearMaster1059
About Self-Esteem
What is Self-Esteem;
People with self-esteem:
*
hold themselves as worthy of being loved and loving others; worthy of being cared for and caring for others; worthy of being nurtured and nurturing others; worthy of being touched and supported and touching and supporting others; worthy of being listened to and listening to others; worthy of being recognized and recognizing others; worthy of being encouraged and encouraging others; and worthy of being reinforced as "good" people and recognizing others as "good" people.
* have a productive personality; they have achieved success to the best of their ability in school, work and society.
*
are capable of being creative, imaginative problem solvers; of being risk-takers, optimistic in their approach to
life and in the attainment of their personal goals.
* are leaders, and are skillful in dealing with people. They are neither too independent of nor too dependent on others. They have the ability to size up a relationship and adjust to the demands of the interaction.
*
have a healthy self-concept. Their perception of themselves is in sync with the picture of themselves they project to others.
*
are able to state clearly who they are, what their future potential is, and to what they are committed in life. They are able to declare what they deserve to receive in their lifetime.
*
are able to accept the responsibility for and consequences of their actions. They do not resort to shifting the blame or using others as scapegoats for actions that have resulted in a negative outcome.
*
are altruistic. They have a legitimate concern for the welfare of others. They are not self-centered or egotistical in their outlook on life. They do not take on the responsibility for others in an overdone way. They help others accept the responsibility for their own actions. They are, however, always ready to help anyone who
legitimately needs assistance or guidance.
*
have healthy coping skills. They are able to handle the stresses in their lives in a productive way. They are able to put the problems, concerns, issues and conflicts that come their way into perspective. They are able to keep their lives in perspective without becoming too idealistic or too morose. They are survivors in the healthiest sense of the word. They have a good sense of humor and are able to keep a balance of work and fun in their lives.
*
look to the future with excitement, a sense of adventure and optimism. They recognize their potential for success and visualize their success in the future. They have dreams, aspirations and hopes for the future. *
are goal-oriented, with a sense of balance in working toward their goals. They know from where they have come, where they are now and where they are going. What Are the Signs of Low Self-Esteem;
People with low self-esteem;
* consider themselves lost and unworthy of being cared for.
* are poor risk-takers.
*
operate out of a fear of rejection.
*
are typically unassertive in their behavior with others.
*
are fearful of conflict with others.
*
are hungry for the approval of others.
*
are poor problem-solvers.
*
are fraught with irrational beliefs and have a tendency to think irrationally.
*
are susceptible to all kinds of fears.
*
have a tendency to become emotionally stuck and immobilized.
*
have a poor "track record" in school or on the job; conversely, they sometimes overcompensate and become overachievers.
*
are unable to affirm or to reinforce themselves positively.
*
are unable to make an honest assessment of their strengths, positive qualities and good points; they find it difficult to accept compliments or recognition from others.
*
have poorly defined self-identities, with a tendency to act like chameleons to fit in with others.
*
are insecure, anxious and nervous when they are with others.
* often become overcome with anger about their status in life, and are likely to experience chronic hostility or chronic depression.
*
are easily overcome with despair and depression when they experience a setback or loss in their lives. * have a tendency to overreact and become de-energized by resentment, anger and the desire for revenge against
those whom they believe have not fully accepted them. *
fulfill roles in their families of origin that are counterproductive and maladaptive. These roles carry over into their adult lives.
*
are vulnerable to mental-health problems and have a propensity to use addictive behavior to medicate their hurt and pain. Such addictive behavior can encompass alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, sex, shopping, smoking and/or workaholism--or the search for excitement, truth, wisdom, and/or a guru who can offer an easy guide to achieving happiness. Where Does Healthy Self-Esteem Originate;
Healthy self-esteem originates in the environment found in the family, school, peer group, workplace and community.
For healthy self-esteem, individuals need to receive nurturing from the people in their environment. That nurturing should include: * unconditional warmth, love, and caring; the realization that other people recognize them as deserving of being
nurtured, reinforced, rewarded and bonded with. The environment transmits messages of warmth, loving and caring via physical touch; the meeting of the survival needs of food, clothing and shelter; and the providing of a sense of stability and order in life.
* acceptance of who they are; the recognition that other people see them as worthy individuals who have a unique set of personality characteristics, skills, abilities and competencies that make them special. Acceptance helps individuals recognize that differences among and between people are OK, and this encourages the development of a sense of personal mastery and autonomy. Acceptance enables people to develop relationships with others yet maintain healthy boundaries of individuality within themselves.
* good communication; being listened to and responded to in a healthy way, so healthy-problem solving is possible. Appropriate giving and receiving of feedback is encouraged and rewarded. Communicating at a "feelings" level is a mode of operation for these people, allowing them to be in touch with their emotions in a productive manner. For the environment to support the development of healthy self-esteem, it must contain:
* recognition and acceptance of people for who they are. To base such recognition and acceptance on the condition that they must first conform to a prescribed standard of behavior or conduct is unhealthy. Unconditional recognition and acceptance, given in the form of support, allows individuals to reach their ultimate potential.
* clearly defined and enforced limits, with no hidden tricks or manipulation. Limits set the structure for the lives
of individuals, allowing clear benchmarks of appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Limits enable individuals to recognize their responsibilities and chart their course of behavior in a rational way.
* respect and latitude for individual action within the defined limits of the environment. This encourages individuals to use their creativity, ingenuit and imagination to be productive within the established structure. Restrictions that suppress individuality can lead to a narrow focus, with people becoming stunted and handicapped in the use of their personal skills, abilities and resources.
* established freedom within the structure. This enables individuals to develop a sense of personal autonomy. If they are too tied down and inhibited, they can become resentful and eventually rebellious against the prescribed structures in their environment. Being given the freedom of self-expression within the established rules and
norms allows individuals to explore their potential to its fullest; thus, there is a greater possibility of becoming successful, healthy achievers.
* bonding, which is the physical/emotional phenomenon that occurs between individuals and the others in their environment. It is necessary for the development of healthy self-esteem. What is Bonding;
Bonding is...
* the forming of a mutual emotional attachment between an individual and a "significant other" (parent, child, friend or lover).
* the significant other giving unconditional love to the individual.
* developing an emotional link between the individual and the significant other.
* developing a sense of security for the individual.
* establishing an emotional intimacy and sense of closeness between the individual and the significant other.
* helping the individual feel a healthy sense of identity.
* transmitting links between the individual and the significant other, through which nonverbal communication and understanding take place.
* providing the individual with a sense of belonging or being connected.
* bringing the individual into the larger network of caring and love present in the extended environment.
* concern and love of the individual by the significant other, as exhibited in all aspects of the individual's life. How is Bonding Between Individuals Manifested;
Bonding is reflected in the way a significant other;
* speaks about the individual, reflecting an understanding attitude and interest in the individual.
* holds and touches an individual.
* willingly allows the individual to enter a strange environment. * encourages the individual to be socially secure.
* encourages the individual to be self-confident.
* encourages the development of the individual's self-concept.
* responds to the individual's problems (acceptance and coping = positive bonding; detachment, rejection and withdrawal = negative bonding)
* deals with the individual's problems (blaming, ostracizing and/or condemning = poor bonding; cooperative, helpful and understanding = good bonding) What Are Some Ways to Encourage Bonding;
* Talk face-to-face with an individual
* Get on the other person's level to effect eye contact when talking
* Use physical touch when interacting
* Work at meeting the "match" of the individual by encouraging him to do things for which he is ready and capable
* Speak in a loving, caring manner to the individual
* Show respect for the individual
* Interact with the individual at his level of understanding and ability
* Listen carefully to the individual; offer empathy and understanding when he is troubled.
* Be honest with the individual when describing or dealing with problems
* Be supportive of the individual as he faces the harsh realities of life and becomes fearful, scared or concerned about the future
* Let the individual grow to be his own person by encouraging the development of independent and autonomous thinking
* Assist the individual in becoming a good problem-solver by encouraging open exploration and discussion of options and alternatives when facing problems at home, school or work, or in the community
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What Developmental Tasks Can Adults Perform to Ensure the Ongoing Development of Their Healthy Self-Esteem;
1.
Pull up roots from the family of origin (the family you were born and reared in) 2.
Develop an individual sense of autonomy
3.
Establish the self as independent from the family of origin
4.
Shift attention from the family of origin to new commitments (e.g., school, work or hobbies)
5.
Learn personal management skills as a consumer (financial) and as the head of a household (home management)
6.
Relate to parents as adult to adult
7.
Develop an occupational identity and learn to adjust in the "adult" world
8.
Test power and establish healthy patterns of conflict resolution
9.
Establish intimate relationships with significant others
10.
Learn to place the demands of the family of origin in their proper perspective while developing an adaptive response to the "adult" world 11.
Establish social networks in the various environments--e.g., school, dormitory, work, apartment complex or community 12.
Get involved in community life and/or politics 13.
Enhance the ability to communicate in interpersonal relationships 14.
Explore courting, coupling or a trial mate relationship (selecting a mate) 15. Maintain intimate friendships with trust, love, and caring 16. Maintain healthy, stable, and appropriate sexual interaction in relationships 17
. Commit to a marital partner through a public affirmation of marriage 18.
As a married couple, define, negotiate and compromise, and establish goals, expectations, roles, relationships, finances, ways to solve problems and a family-life model 19.
As a married couple or a couple in a committed relationship, provide mutual support, help and energy to enrich the relationship 20.
As a married couple, establish a family system by having a child or children 21.
Expand the family system and re-establish definitions and expectations concerning intimacy, sharing and sexual compatibility; make an honest reassessment of the romantic ideal 22.
As a married couple establish a healthy, complementary pattern to solve problems and handle power and control issues and ways to resolve conflict in the family system 23.
Shift attention to the role of parenting and accommodate the child(ren)'s dependent needs, as well as their emotional (bonding) needs
24.
Focus attention on the child(ren)'s intellect, personality, sexuality and goal-oriented behavior
25.
Assist child(ren) in entering the new environment of peer group, preschool or school
26.
As a married couple, make a periodic reassessment of the relationship; either take the steps to shore it up or decide to separate or divorce
27.
If needed, adjust to divorce and single parenthood. Redefine relationships with new sex mates. Adjust to re-
entry into a school and/or work environment
28.
Deepen commitment to work and marriage 29.
Handle the restlessness that comes from commitment in marriage or work 30.
Increase productivity at work and in family life; develop a more natural relationship 31.
Establish definite patterns of decision-making, problem-solving and distribution of power 32.
Expand social network 33.
Increase community status 34.
Learn to cope with stress in the couple relationship 35.
Readjust to single life, single parenting and the aftermath of divorce 36.
Find another partner for a marital commitment; readjust to the new marital relationship 37.
Put down extended roots
38.
Accept that children are growing up 39.
Mature in the parental role and clearly establish the structures of the family system 40.
Adjust to the mother or wife returning to the workforce or school 41.
Relate to parents as older or senior citizens 42.
Deepen social involvement 43.
Examine community concerns 44.
Allow one another room to grow in a relationship; allow tolerance of growth in each another 45.
Acknowledge the individual differences within the couple relationship 46.
Mature and increase intimate friendships 47.
Deepen commitment and productivity in marriage, family, work and/or community; pursue long-range goals
48
. Mark an increase of intimacy in marriage and/or committed relationship 49.
Accommodate to the autonomy, independence and peer-oriented shift of adolescent children 50.
Accommodate to the identity formation of adolescents in their sexual, emotional, social and professional selves Steps That Can Be Taken to Improve Self-Esteem
Step1:
Determine if your self-esteem is at a healthy level by completing the following questionnaire.
Self-Esteem Assessment
Directions:
Circle T if the statement is true for you. Circle F if the statement is false for you. T F I am able to discuss my good points, skills, abilities, achievements and successes with others. T F I assert myself with someone whom I believe is violating or ignoring my rights. T F I am content with who I am, how I act and what I do in life. T F I am not bothered by feelings of insecurity or anxiety when I meet people for the first time. T F My life is balanced between work, family life, social life, recreation/leisure and spiritual life. T F I am aware of the roles I played in my family of origin, and have usually been able to make these behavior patterns work for me in my current life. T F I am bonded with the significant others in my environment at home, work, school or play or in the community. T F I am able to perform the developmental tasks necessary to ensure my ongoing healthy self-esteem. T F I am satisfied with my level of achievement at school, work and home and in the community. T F I am a good problem-solver; my thinking is not clouded by irrational beliefs or fears. T F I am willing to experience conflict if necessary to protect my rights.
If you circled F for three or more
of the preceding questions, you probably need
to work on increasing your self-esteem
. Proceed to Step 2.
Step 2:
Review the material in Sections I through IV on self-esteem and answer the following questions: a)
What are the signs of your low self-esteem
?
b)
What was lacking in your childhood and earlier adult years that could explain your low self-esteem
?
c)
How would you rate your bonding with the significant others in your life
?
List your significant others, then rate the quality of your bonding with them as poor, fair, average, above average or excellent. d)
List those developmental tasks you need to perform at this stage in your adult life to ensure your ongoing self-esteem.
Once you have answered the above questions, go to Step 3.
Step 3:
You are now aware of some inner feelings you experienced in answering the four questions in Step 2. Explore what you felt by answering the following questions in your journal: a)
I had the following feelings as I responded to the four questions in Step 2: b)
I believe that these feelings are based on the following beliefs I have about my self-esteem:
c) I believe that the following irrational beliefs and fears are at the root of my stagnant self-esteem: d)
Having identified my feelings, beliefs, irrational beliefs and fears concerning my low self-esteem, I believe I need to take the following actions to improve my self-concept:
Step 4:
Having identified the steps you need to take to improve your self-esteem/self-worth, make a commitment to take these steps and involve the significant others in your life in the execution of them.
If, however, at the end of exploring your feelings in Step 3, you still suffer from low self-esteem, return to Step 1 and begin again.
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