SWE 1_ fixing and crafting sentences-2
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School
University of Toronto *
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Course
100
Subject
Communications
Date
Apr 3, 2024
Type
Pages
5
Uploaded by SargentSwanPerson955
Part 1: Punctuation and Syntax
1.
Complete sentences vs. sentence fragments:
In the original sentence, there’s a fragment created
by the use of a question without proper punctuation. The revised version corrects this by adding
appropriate punctuation and creating a complete sentence. The addition of commas helps
structure the question grammatically and makes it a complete, well formed sentence
a.
Original: "The question from the article “can a tweet - a genre of public writing - cause
social change?” explains the impact of social media towards writing."
b.
Revised: "The question from the article, 'Can a tweet—a genre of public writing—cause
social change?' explains the impact of social media on writing."
2.
Fused sentence:
In the original sentence, a fused sentence occurs with the improper combination
of two independent clauses. In the revised version, a semicolon is used to correctly separate these
independent clauses.
a.
“An argument used for this is Malcolm Gladwell, him explaining to us that all events of
the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s happened without email, texting, Facebook or
Twitter.”
b.
“An argument used for this is Malcolm Gladwell; he explains to us that ‘all events of the
Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s happened without email, texting, Facebook, or
twitter.”
3.
Correct comma vs. comma splice:
In the original sentence, there is a comma splice. To correct
the comma splice, you can use a semicolon or separate the two independent clauses into two
distinct sentences, as shown in the revised version.
a.
Original: The evidence of Black Lives Matter uses social media and online tools to
organize this movement. Though one tweet or one post won't lead to social change by
itself, they say that using public writing to respond to the exigencies of our current time
helps us tap into networks that may help with the future of social change.
b.
Revised: The evidence of Black Lives Matter uses social media and online tools to
organize this movement; though one tweet or one post won't lead to social change by
itself, they say that using public writing to respond to the exigencies of our current time
helps us tap into networks that may help with the future of social change.
4.
Correct semicolon vs. an incorrect semicolon:
In the original sentence, a comma is used to
connect two independent clauses creating a comma splice. The revised version corrects this by
placing the comma with a semicolon, which is the appropriate punctuation mark to link two
closely related independent clauses. The semicolon helps improve the clarity and grammatical
correctness of the sentence.
a.
Original: "I believe the audience for this article may be a public audience, anyone willing
to participate."
b.
Revised: "I believe the audience for this article may be a public audience; anyone willing
to participate."
5.
Correct colon vs. an incorrect colon:
there is no incorrect colons in the paragraph
6.
Consistent
parallelism
vs.
inconsistent
parallelism:
In
the
original
sentence,
there
is
inconsistent parallelism, as the phrase “him explaining to us” is not parallel with the subsequent
list. The revised version corrects this by maintaining parallel structure.
a.
Original: "Malcolm Gladwell, him explaining to us that “all events of the Civil Rights
Movement in the 1960s happened without email, texting, facebook or twitter."
b.
Revised: "Malcolm Gladwell, explaining to us that 'all events of the Civil Rights
Movement in the 1960s happened without email, texting, Facebook, or Twitter.'"
Part 2: Identifying the three principles of Clear English Language Syntax at Work
1.
Two examples of ‘old-new’ structures:
a.
An argument used for this is Malcolm Gladwell, him explaining to us that “all events of
the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s happened without email, texting, facebook or
twitter. In other words, Gladwell is explaining that in the mid 1900s, there was no social
media to cause social change.
-
In this example, the known information (old) is that Malcolm Gladwell presents
an
argument.
The
new
information
follows,
explaining
what
Gladwell
is
emphasizing regarding the events of the Civil Rights Movement and the absence
of social media in the mid-1900s.
b.
“Though one tweet or one post won’t lead to social change by itself, they say that using
public public writing to respond to the exigencies of our current time helps us tap into
networks that may help with the future of social change”
-
In this example, the known information (old) is the acknowledgment that a single
tweet or post cannot bring about social media. The new information follows,
stating that using public writing to address current challenges can tap into
communication networks and contribute to future social change.
2.
Two examples of ‘light-heavy’ structures:
a.
Light: “The evidence of Black Lives Matter uses social media and online tools to
organize this movement”
b.
Heavy: “Though one tweet or one post won’t lead to social change by itself, they say that
using public writing to respond to the exigencies of our current time helios us tapi into
networks that may help with the future of social change”
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3.
One example of consistent parallelism:
a.
“The evidence of Black Lives Matter uses social media and online tools to organize this
movement.”
-
In this sentence, there is consistent parallelism in the use of the verb “uses” to
describe how Black Lives Matter utilizes social media and online tools. The
parallel structure helps maintain clarity and coherence in the expression of the
idea.
Part 3: Concrete Nouns and Vivid Verbs
1.
Three examples of unnecessarily general or abstract nouns
a.
The evidence of Black Lives Matter utilizes social media platforms and online tools to
organize this movement.
b.
I believe the target audience for this article may be a diverse public: individuals willing to
actively participate.
c.
Believing that crafting written content to reach various public audiences can help effect
positive change.
2.
Five examples of unnecessary ‘to be’ verbs, passive voice, unnecessarily wordy verb choices
a.
Malcolm Gladwell supports this argument by vividly illustrating that ‘all events of the
Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s unfolded without email, texting, facebook or
twitter.’
b.
The Black Lives Matter movement leverages social media and online tools dynamically
to orchestrate its activities.
c.
I posit that the audience for this article extends beyond the general public to encompass
diverse individuals actively willing to participate
d.
I firmly believe that crafting targeted written content to reach varied public audiences can
actively contribute to positive change.
e.
This article captivates the public by showcasing impactful movements through social
media, allowing the audience to perceive how these platforms actively drive the desired
social change.