Radical Rewrites Chapter 4 4.1 Radical Rewrite: Manager’s Wordy Malware Warning (L.O. 1–5) Your Task. Study the following ineffective message from a manager to employees and staff. It suffers from numerous wordy constructions covered in this chapter. Study the message and list at least five weaknesses. Then revise to avoid excessive wordiness and repetition. To: Employees and Staff From: Zach Brogdon Subject: Computer Attacks I am sending this message because hackers using malware spread by e-mail are targeting many organizations, I think it’s a good time to give consideration to five incredibly important tips that are really helpful in preventing infection on your machine. Following are the tips: Tip 1: Before opening an incoming e-mail, check the address of the person who sent the message. This is usually in the header. If it looks suspicious, don’t open. Tip 2. Look carefully at the subject line. Does it claim your account will be suspended or your account suffered an unauthorized login attempt? Attempts at urgency often are clues to malicious e-mail. Tip 3. Do you see that the sender doesn’t seem to know your name and that you are addressed anonymously as “Valued Customer”? Senders who are legitimate in all probability know your name. Tip 4. In the matter of attachments, click only on those from senders that you know. There is danger in attachments because that’s where viruses may hide or lurk. Tip 5. Don’t believe everything you see in an e-mail. Scammers are spectacularly clever at spoofing brands that we all know. As a final note, if an incoming e-mail looks fishy, please use Shift Delete, which will permanently delete the e-mail. Don’t just delete, which does not remove it permanently. I hope these tips are useful!! Zach

Radical Rewrites Chapter 4 4.1 Radical Rewrite: Manager’s Wordy Malware Warning (L.O. 1–5) Your Task. Study the following ineffective message from a manager to employees and staff. It suffers from numerous wordy constructions covered in this chapter. Study the message and list at least five weaknesses. Then revise to avoid excessive wordiness and repetition. To: Employees and Staff From: Zach Brogdon Subject: Computer Attacks I am sending this message because hackers using malware spread by e-mail are targeting many organizations, I think it’s a good time to give consideration to five incredibly important tips that are really helpful in preventing infection on your machine. Following are the tips: Tip 1: Before opening an incoming e-mail, check the address of the person who sent the message. This is usually in the header. If it looks suspicious, don’t open. Tip 2. Look carefully at the subject line. Does it claim your account will be suspended or your account suffered an unauthorized login attempt? Attempts at urgency often are clues to malicious e-mail. Tip 3. Do you see that the sender doesn’t seem to know your name and that you are addressed anonymously as “Valued Customer”? Senders who are legitimate in all probability know your name. Tip 4. In the matter of attachments, click only on those from senders that you know. There is danger in attachments because that’s where viruses may hide or lurk. Tip 5. Don’t believe everything you see in an e-mail. Scammers are spectacularly clever at spoofing brands that we all know. As a final note, if an incoming e-mail looks fishy, please use Shift Delete, which will permanently delete the e-mail. Don’t just delete, which does not remove it permanently. I hope these tips are useful!! Zach