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2 Abstract This paper presents the qualitative research findings that used reflexive theme analysis to examine the TED Talk given by Megan. This research aims to investigate the influence that Megan’s social identity and growth of her morality had on her choice to quit an extreme religious organization. The social constructionist method was used for the data analysis, which provided a framework of assumptions that serve as the foundation for the ideas of social identity and moral growth. The research uncovered two themes, namely group influence and questioning strong believes, which impacted her choice to depart from the organization. The theme of group influence discussed how her social identity was shaped due to her participation in various groups and the far-reaching repercussions of such involvement. Questioning strong beliefs topic discussed how she came to adopt and uphold radical convictions regarding her moral growth, even though these beliefs were later altered due to an internal struggle she was experiencing. This research sheds light on the challenging process of leaving an extreme religious organization. It highlights the need to maintain open discussion between different points of view to facilitate the transition.

3 Social And the Developmental Psychology This study examines Roper's decision to leave the Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) and its implications for social and developmental psychology. The WBC is a radical and extreme religious organization known for its highly controversial views on homosexuality and other issues (Roper, 2017). Roper's upbringing was religious, and she was an active member for many years until she chose to leave. This paper will explore the factors that led to her leaving and the implications for social and developmental psychology. The paper will focus on two main theories; Social identity theory and Moral development. Social identity theory will be used to explore how social identity is formed through group membership and the far-reaching effects of this membership, from assimilating the goals and beliefs of the group to generalizing and demonizing outgroups. On the other hand, moral development will be used to examine the formation and endurance of radical beliefs about Roper's moral development and how these were eventually changed by a state of inner conflict developed through inconsistencies highlighted by outgroups on a social media platform. This paper will adopt a social constructionist approach to analyze the data. Social constructionism is an epistemological perspective that posits that knowledge is socially constructed and is shaped by the cultural and historical contexts in which it is developed (Willig, 2013). This approach will allow the research to explore the implications of social identity and moral development on Roper’s decision to leave the WBC in a socio-cultural context. Theoretical Framework Social Psychology Social identity theory is chosen to provide an understanding of the participant's social identity and group involvement. This theory addresses how social identity is formed through

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4 group membership and the far-reaching effects of this membership, from assimilating the goals and beliefs of the group to generalizing and demonizing outgroups (Islam, 2014). Arnett (2000) shows the group's importance as a center for self-esteem and identity falters when due to moral development Roper does not fit the group's prototype anymore, enabling her to leave the group and identify with another. Developmental Psychology Moral development theory is chosen to understand how radical beliefs are formed and endured. This theory addresses the formation of beliefs about Roper's moral development and how a state of inner conflict eventually changed these developed through inconsistencies highlighted by outgroups on a social media platform (Patanella, 2011). This engagement, facilitated by an open dialogue, led Roper to develop a higher sense of morality, ultimately leading to her exit from the religious group and to her pursuing a new moral agenda. Roper's choice to quit Westboro Baptist Church is examined, focusing on the impact of social identity and moral growth. The research aims to understand the process and implications of leaving a radical religious group through a reflexive thematic analysis of Megan's TED Talk. The research will employ a social constructionist epistemology and draw on theoretical frameworks such as social identity theory and moral development theory to deeply comprehend the two concepts in leaving an extreme religious group. Research Question How do social identity and the moral development of the participant play a role in her decision to leave an extreme religious group? In summary, this paper aims to examine the role of social identity and moral development in the decision to leave an extreme religious group. The research will employ reflexive thematic

5 Analysis as the chosen method of data analysis due to its ability to combine inductive and deductive approaches and its alignment with social constructionism, which has been chosen as the epistemology. The open-ended nature of the data will be analyzed for concepts relating to social identity and moral development to understand the participant's journey from within an extreme religious group to the outside. The research aims to gain a deeper understanding of the participant's experience and decision to leave the group to ultimately understand the role of social identity and moral development in the process. The findings will lend insight into the participant's decision to leave and how this is linked to the psychological concepts being studied. This understanding could inform future research and better understand the phenomenon of leaving extreme religious groups in general. Methodology Design The research design was centered on reflexive thematic Analysis as outlined by Braun and Clarke (2006). This form of Analysis is considered a suitable method when conducting qualitative research as it enables the researcher to adopt any epistemological position (Braun & Clarke, 2019). This was particularly useful for this research as it allowed the researcher to adopt a social constructionist approach, which is particularly useful when attempting to gain a deeper understanding of the socio-cultural context of the data (Willig, 2013). Furthermore, reflexive thematic Analysis is not limited to an inductive approach and allows the researcher to integrate inductive and deductive approaches (Braun & Clarke, 2019). This was beneficial for this research as the researcher aimed to generate an understanding of the participant's decision to leave an extreme religious group based on social and developmental theories previously discussed.

6 The research was conducted using a single case study, where the data was collected from a TED Talk video by Megan Phelps-Roper Megan Phelps. A single case study was chosen as this enabled the researcher to better understand the participant's experiences and motivations (Ebneyamini & Sadeghi Moghadam, 2018). It also allowed the researcher to use existing data, which is suitable when the focus is to understand behavior rather than explain it (Ebneyamini & Sadeghi Moghadam, 2018). Furthermore, it enabled the researcher to focus on the participant's experiences and cultural and social contexts, which is fundamental to a social constructionist approach (Burr, 2015). The data analysis followed the six-phase process outlined by Braun and Clarke (2006). This process included an initial familiarisation with the data, followed by the development of codes, the coding of the data, the generation of themes, the review and refinement of the themes, and finally, the report's writing. Both latent and semantic coding was used in order to develop greater complexity and flexibility of the coding (Braun & Clarke, 2019). Participants The participant of this study was one single adult female who was formerly a member of the Westboro Baptist Church. Materials The primary data source for this research was a single TED talk by Megan Phelps-Roper (Roper, 2017). The talk was chosen due to its relevance and potential to gain insight into the psychological aspects of leaving an extreme religious group. The video was accessed through TED talks online, and a full transcript was obtained and used for the Analysis.

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7 Procedure The procedure included a reflexive thematic analysis (Braun & Clarke, 2006) of the TED Talk conducted by Megan Phelps-Roper (Roper, 2017). The researcher watched the TED Talk and made notes during the talk. The researcher then transcribed the talk and identified relevant sections for coding. The transcript was read and reread, and codes were inductively and deductively generated for each section. Codes related to the chosen theories, empirical research, and critical evaluation of theory and research were assigned to the identified sections. The suggested six phases reviewed and defined the codes (Braun & Clarke, 2006). Where necessary, stages were revisited to develop more coherent themes with greater depth. Latent and semantic coding was employed to provide greater complexity in coding (Braun & Clarke, 2019). The themes were then reviewed, and the analysis was revised and refined. Analytic Strategy Braun and Clarke (2006) proposed a six-phase process of RTA. While the six phases are organizing into a sequential order, Braun and Clark (2019) suggest that these are not carried out in a linear process. The transcript was read repeatedly, coded, and themes were generated, reviewed, and defined by the suggested six phases (Braun & Clarke, 2006). Thematic Analysis was intentionally chosen for its ability to be applied to a range of theoretical positions and epistemologies. Unlike methods such as IPA, for example, that require a specific theoretical approach (Smith et al., 2021), this versatility allowed the researchers to adopt social constructionism as its chosen epistemology which, when used with thematic Analysis, aligns with the aims of the research, striving to provide theories surrounding the data in socio- cultural contexts (Braun & Clarke, 2006). Furthermore, it permitted an inductive and deductive approach, deriving knowledge from the data but also allowing the inclusion of theoretical

8 concepts that deepened the Analysis. Jaspal (2012) also used thematic Analysis for similar reasoning to include theories relevant to their research, successfully enabling simultaneous inductive and deductive approaches, albeit employing a different epistemology and topic of research. It was also on this basis that grounded theory, a method that aligns with social constructionism, was discarded due to its core aims of developing inductive theory only (Lyons & Coyle, 2021) rather than a combination of inductive and deductive. Finally, reflexive thematic Analysis permitted using both latent and semantic coding to develop greater complexity in coding (Braun & Clarke, 2019). A social constructionist approach was adopted when analyzing the data as the research concerns itself with assumptions key to this epistemological perspective. Primarily the assumption that knowledge itself is socially constructed (Willig, 2013), the variety of ways this is available within a culture (Willig, 2013), and how social interactions create and sustain knowledge (Burr, 2015). The research ultimately looks at its implications for change as stated in another of Burr's assumptions, knowledge, and social action go together (Burr, 2015). The research acknowledges that the data is culturally and historically specific (Burr, 2015) and encourages the challenge of supposed knowledge about ourselves and the world (Burr, 2015). For this reason, a reflection section is included in the research to remain as comprehensive as possible and provide context to the researcher's involvement. This reflexivity is something that Braun and Clarke (2019) emphasize as an imperative ingredient to good qualitative research employing thematic Analysis.

9 Ethical Considerations Ensuring that ethical considerations are met is of the utmost importance when conducting research within psychology. The British Psychological Society (2021) have strict guidelines to ensure that research is conducted ethically. Regarding the current study, the data used is secondary, being taken from a TED Talk, a publicly accessible platform. This removes the need to gain informed consent from the participant, as the data has already been presented to the public. As such, The British Psychological Society (2021) has guidance on using such secondary data, and this guidance has used the data. In addition, the participant's anonymity has been maintained throughout, as the participant is referred to as 'Roper,' and no identifying information is presented. Furthermore, the participant's data has been treated respectfully, with no offensive language used at any point in the paper. Results Overview of the Data The data for this study was collected through an in-depth interview with a female participant and her use of social media. The participant was a former member of an extreme religious group and has shared her experience of leaving this group. The aim of this study was to explore the role of social identity and moral development in the decision to leave an extreme religious group. Chosen Theories The theories used in this study are Social Identity Theory and Moral Development. Social identity theory is a framework that explains how individuals form identities based on their group memberships, while moral development focuses on developing an individual's sense of right and wrong.

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10 Codes The codes used in the data analysis are group immersion, group identification, group goals, group distinction, group generalization, positive outgroup experience, group influence, belief imposition, need for approval, belief conflict, open dialogue between perspectives, self- chosen principles, and atonement. Theme Name The theme name for the Analysis is group influence and questioning strong beliefs. Analysis Group Influence Theme The theme of group influence is depicted in the instances of social identity theory in the Analysis of the transcript. (Roper, 2017) The segment expatiates upon her encounters as a devout member of the Westboro Baptist Church in their censures against LGBTQ communities. During her tenure as a parishioner, she underwent indoctrination that presented life from an overly simplistic perspective - black and white only- despotically imposing beliefs peculiar to her sect while disregarding other divergent views. This address excerpts the potency that collective influence has in manufacturing tenets that certain individuals operate under. Phelps-Roper was steadfastly entrenched within this sphere where obscurantism was religion; therefore, it comes as no surprise when insights into embracing such convictions become evident throughout significant portions of this speech. For example, explicit references refer observably to dichotomies drawn between various classifications: the unclean and the clean (Roper, 00:47). Also conspicuous is her quest towards fulfilling objectives laid out by Westboro with a disproportionate level of zeal (Roper, 01:40), affirming collective influence pervades through all aspects discussed herein.

11 The second extract is from 02:25 - 03:48. In this part of the speech, Phelps-Roper talks about her interactions with strangers on Twitter and how they changed her perspective. Through engaging in conversations with people who had different views and beliefs to hers, she was able to start to see the flaws in her own beliefs and to realize that the people she had been taught to view as evil were not actually so. This extract highlights the power of group influence in changing people's perspectives. Through engaging with people who had different views and beliefs from her own, Phelps-Roper was able to start to see the world in a different way and to start to challenge the beliefs she had been taught to believe. This conformity process is a key feature of epistemology in psychology, which is explained well by social identity theory which further reinforces the individual's identification with the group (Spears, 2011). Social Identity Theory. The Social Identity Theory (SIT) explains how individuals form social identities through their membership in social groups. According to this theory, people identify with groups in order to gain a sense of belonging and self-esteem (Lange et al., 2011). In this context, Roper's experience of leaving an extreme religious group can be understood from the perspective of SIT. Several codes are used to get to the theme as below: Group Identification. Roper’s initial identification with the religious group was based on her desire to belong and gain a sense of self-worth. She stated that they approached her as a human being, and that was more transformative than two full decades of outrage, disdain, and violence. This sense of belonging was further reinforced through her immersion in the group's activities, which included attending group meetings, listening to sermons, and participating in group discussions. Group Goals.

12 Roper’s immersion in the group’s activities was further strengthened by her identification with its goals and beliefs. She stated that if we want to change, we have to make a case for it. According to the SIT, this goal-oriented behavior is a way for individuals to gain a sense of identity and self-worth. Group Distinction. As Roper became more involved in the group, she began to distinguish herself from other groups through her association with the religious group. She stated that writing this apology and publicly grappling with the life she would live was terrifying – but after two decades of public protesting and antagonism, she knew hiding was impossible. This differentiation process is a crucial feature of SIT and clarifies the participant's identification with the group. Group Generalisation. Roper’s identification with the group also led her to generalize its beliefs and values to other groups. She stated that we could not expect others to change their minds spontaneously. This generalization process is an essential feature of SIT and further reinforces the individual's identification with the group. Positive Outgroup Experience. Her engagement with outgroups on social media influenced Roper's experience of leaving the religious group. She stated that the truth is that the care shown to her by strangers on the internet was itself a contradiction. This experience of engaging with outgroups enabled Roper to challenge her religious group's beliefs and values, eventually leading to her leaving the group. Questioning Strong Beliefs Theme

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13 The theme of questioning strong beliefs is shown in the video, which shows how moral development theory is depicted throughout Roper's experience of leaving the religious group. Two extracts can be used to posit this theme. Regarding the first extract, which spans from 8:07-8:50, the speaker pauses in introspection as she ponders the present status of public discourse and its uncanny correlation to the maladaptive impulses that once scorched her former church (Roper, 2017). She astutely notes an acute polarization unabatedly consuming society and how people falter at seeking common ground with those holding divergent views, instead labeling them as either flagrant liberal elitists or misogynistic racists. The speaker propounds that humanity can only advance through empathetic dialogue and compassion towards individuals exhibiting hostility and disdain (Gregersen & Mercer, 2021). This cogitates on the paramount duty of investigating dominant beliefs while eschewing narrow-mindedness in pursuit of diverse perspectives for better comprehension leading to progress' fulmination. The next excerpt, spanning the timeframe between 10:02 and 10:50, entails a discourse from the orator about how interactions with denizens on Twitter facilitated enlightening conversations that challenged her preconceived notions (Roper, 2017). She elucidates how these individuals abstained from making unfounded assumptions, employed inquisitive measures to discern further insight, and maintained unwavering composure throughout the discussion due to an intellectually rigorous approach to laying out arguments (Adler, 2013). In arduously scrutinizing her innate beliefs, she reaches an epiphany whereby introspection leads her toward a conclusion of evaluating other standpoints so as to expand upon her understanding of them. The toppling conclusion lies therein that there exists a need for amelioration; given this, it becomes more astutely clear that defects pervaded some aspects of her church's overarching perspective.

14 This process of questioning is a key feature of epistemology in psychology as it relates well with moral development theory, which challenges the individual's adherence to the group's beliefs and values. Moral Development Theory. Moral Development Theory (MDT) explains the formation and endurance of radical beliefs (Swart et al., 2015). According to MDT, individuals are guided by their inner moral compass to pursue good and bad behavior (Sheldon, 2011). In this context, Roper's experience of leaving the religious group can be understood from the perspective of MDT. Some codes are used to get to the theme as below: Belief Imposition. Roper's initial adherence to the religious group's beliefs was based on her need for approval. She stated that in the midst of that digital brawl, a strange pattern developed. Someone would arrive at her profile with the usual rage and scorn, and she would respond with a custom mix of Bible verses, pop culture references, and smiley faces. This need for approval is a crucial feature of MDT and reinforces the individual's adherence to the group's beliefs and values (Zhu et al., 2011). Need for Approval. Her desire to fit in with the group further reinforced Roper's need for approval. She stated: We have to talk and listen to people we disagree with. This need for approval is a fundamental feature of MDT and further reinforces the individual's adherence to the group's beliefs and values. Belief Conflict.

15 Roper’s experience of leaving the religious group was also influenced by her inner conflict between her beliefs and the beliefs of the group. She stated that once she saw that they were not the ultimate arbiters of divine truth but flawed human beings, she could not pretend otherwise. This process of questioning is an essential feature of MDT and challenges the individual's adherence to the group's beliefs and values. Open Dialogue Between Perspectives. Her engagement with outgroups on social media further influenced Roper's experience of leaving the religious group. She stated that when we engage people across ideological divides, asking questions helps us map the disconnect between our differing points of view. Engaging in open dialogue is a key component of MDT and challenges the individual's adherence to the group's beliefs and values (Arshad et al., 2021). Self-Chosen Principles. Her commitment to self-chosen principles further influenced Roper's experience of leaving the religious group. She stated that what was special was their approach. This process of self-determination is a crucial feature of MDT and challenges the individual's adherence to the group's beliefs and values. Atonement. Roper’s experience of leaving the religious group was further influenced by her need to atone for her past beliefs. She stated that she wrote an apology for the harm she had caused but also knew that an apology could never undo any of it. This process of atonement is a key feature of MDT and challenges the individual's adherence to the group's beliefs and values. Discussion Summary

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16 This paper sought to analyze how social identity and moral development played a role in Roper's decision to leave an extreme religious group. The Analysis of the data collected from her TED Talk followed the reflexive thematic Analysis suggested by Braun and Clarke (2006). It was conducted using a social constructionist epistemology to explore the social and developmental psychology theories relevant to the research. A summary of the results revealed two themes relevant to the purpose of the research, namely group influence and questioning strong beleives. As discussed in the Analysis, these themes demonstrated the complex relationship between Megan's social identity and moral development as she left Westboro Baptist Church. Critical Evaluation The study of the data was performed using a thorough methodology thanks to the use of reflective thematic Analysis as an analytical technique. The integration of theory in the Analysis enabled deeper comprehension and insight into the data. This was made possible by the adaptability of the theme analysis method, which permits both inductive and deductive methods. This was further enhanced by using both latent and semantic codes, which provided a more nuanced approach to the coding process (Braun & Clarke, 2019). In order to gain a more in- depth understanding of the role that social identity and moral development played in the participant's decision to leave an extreme religious group, the use of social constructionism as the chosen epistemology provided a suitable perspective for Analysis, this allowed for the participant to leave an extreme religious group. Given the nature of the research, the selection of a single participant was the most suitable method. This study aimed to investigate the participant's background and the thought processes that led her to the conclusion that she needed to break ties with a fundamentalist

17 religious organization (Ebneyamini & Sadeghi Moghadam, 2018). Doing a single case study allowed for a clearer comprehension of the participant's tale as well as the psychological process that influenced it. In addition, the researcher had the opinion that the use of a single case study was appropriate in order to achieve a comprehensive comprehension of the objectives of the study while at the same time mitigating the drawbacks associated with the use of a single case study, such as the possibility of a lack of generalizability (Ebneyamini & Sadeghi Moghadam, 2018). The use of secondary data was chosen due to its availability. The researcher felt that its availability allowed for the research to be conducted in a reasonable timeframe. The use of secondary data is also encouraged by the British Psychological Society (Cave & Stumm, 2020). The use of transcription was chosen for its accuracy and ability to allow for the coding of non-verbal data. It was also chosen for its ability to provide a text-based representation of the data, suitable for the type of Analysis used in the research. The transcription was color-coded to allow for the Analysis of non-verbal data, such as body language and pauses. Limitations The research has several limitations. Firstly, the generalisability of the findings is limited as the research only considered one participant and one data source. Additionally, the study only focused on one aspect of the participant's life and excluded other important factors, such as family dynamics, which may have had an influence on her decision to leave. Furthermore, the research is limited by its focus on a single perspective. The findings are only based on the participant's account of the events, and no further external data was collected. Implications

18 Despite the limitations, the research presents several implications. Firstly, it provides evidence that the formation and endurance of radical beliefs are related to moral development. Additionally, it highlights the importance of open dialogue between perspectives and how this can lead to a higher sense of morality, as seen in Megan's case. Finally, the research emphasizes the impact of social identity on the formation of beliefs and the importance of self-chosen principles and atonement when leaving a group. Future Directions There are several possible future directions for this research. First, the research could include multiple participants and data sources to provide a more comprehensive account of the phenomenon. Secondly, the research could explore the role of family dynamics in the decision to leave an extreme religious group. Finally, the research could be conducted with a different epistemology, such as critical realism, to provide a more holistic understanding of the phenomenon. Conclusion This research examined the social and developmental psychology of Megan Phelps- Roper, who grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church and ultimately left the church. Through reflexive thematic Analysis, it was possible to gain an in-depth understanding of the role of social identity and moral development in her decision to leave the church. Social identity, as addressed by Social Identity Theory, was found to have a significant role in the participant's decision to leave the church. The importance of the church as the center of self-esteem and identity was shown to falter when the participant no longer fit the group prototype due to moral development. The Moral Development Theory of Kohlberg and Piaget further contributed to the Analysis by providing insight into the formation and endurance of radical beliefs and how these

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19 were eventually changed by a state of inner conflict developed through interactions with outgroups (Babakr et al., 2019). The results of this study can be applied to other similar contexts and help to better understand the motivations behind people's decisions to leave extreme religious groups. It also helps to provide a deeper understanding of the complex relationship between social identity, moral development, and the importance of interactions with outgroups. Future studies can build on the findings of this research and explore the topic in greater depth. Reflection The study approach gave me a unique understanding of the social and developmental psychology behind the participant's choice to quit an extreme religious organization. Since the study was based on a TED Talk, I had to be creative in my data analysis and ensure that my interpretation was based on the participant's experience and not my own. I connected theoretical notions with the data analysis using reflective thematic Analysis, offering a thorough account of the participant's experience in leaving the group. The Analysis was difficult since I had to stay impartial and objective in their approach. This was particularly evident when analyzing the participant's experience in terms of social identity and moral growth. The Researchers needed to assess any potential data restrictions and be cognizant of any possible biases in their interpretation of the data. The Analysis of the data presented the most difficult for me. Verifying that the Analysis was exhaustive and that no assumptions were made about the participant's experience was essential. I had to guarantee that the codes were pertinent to the study objective and that the themes discovered accurately represented the data throughout the coding process. I was also responsible for ensuring that the Analysis was based on the participant's experience, not mine. This was essential for maintaining an impartial and objective approach to the study.

20 This study project's data analysis allowed me to strengthen my qualitative research abilities. I learned how to analyze data using reflexive thematic Analysis and incorporate theoretical notions into the study. I also learned how to keep an impartial and objective attitude to the study and how to be aware of any possible biases. I also improved their critical thinking since they were required to analyze the consequences of the data and the study. This allowed me to comprehend the study procedure and assess the consequences of the findings.

21 References Adler, A. (2013). The Practice And Theory Of Individual Psychology. In Google Books . Routledge. https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=2QT- AQAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA1&dq=psychology+theory&ots=1Byw3Xt-M- &sig=wQlhQudEgRSUdf6jQo8UMikDMjk Arnett, J. J. (2000). Emerging adulthood: A theory of development from the late teens through the twenties. American Psychologist , 55 (5), 469–480. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003- 066x.55.5.469 Arshad, M., Qasim, N., Farooq, O., & Rice, J. (2021). Empowering leadership and employees’ work engagement: a social identity theory perspective. Management Decision , ahead-of- print (ahead-of-print). https://doi.org/10.1108/md-11-2020-1485 Babakr, Z., Mohamedamin, P., & Kakamad, K. (2019, August 15). Piaget’s Cognitive Developmental Theory: Critical Review . Papers.ssrn.com. https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3437574 Baker, C. A. (2012). Social Identity Theory and Biblical Interpretation. Biblical Theology Bulletin: Journal of Bible and Culture , 42 (3), 129–138. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146107912452244 Baron, R. A. (2004). The cognitive perspective: a valuable tool for answering entrepreneurship’s basic “why” questions. Journal of Business Venturing , 19 (2), 221–239. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0883-9026(03)00008-9 Barranti, M., Carlson, E. N., & Côté, S. (2017). How to Test Questions About Similarity in Personality and Social Psychology Research. Social Psychological and Personality Science , 8 (4), 465–475. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550617698204

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22 Beard, R. M. (2013). An Outline of Piaget’s Developmental Psychology. In Google Books . Routledge. https://books.google.com/books? hl=en&lr=&id=1WmAAAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PP1&dq=developmental+psychology +piaget&ots=fUynhV7Qfj&sig=2hEgOsCrJFMVc7Azaw3aJlEcBzM Blake, B., & Pope, T. (2008). Developmental psychology: Incorporating Piaget’s and Vygotsky’s theories in classrooms. Journal of Cross-Disciplinary Perspectives in Education , 1 (1), 59–67. https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document? repid=rep1&type=pdf&doi=6c7b9a7b4988df15c68a14434a5f162bef984723 Braun, V., & Clarke, V. (2006). Using Thematic Analysis in Psychology. Qualitative Research in Psychology , 3 (2), 77–101. https://doi.org/10.1191/1478088706qp063oa Braun, V., & Clarke, V. (2019). Reflecting on reflexive thematic analysis. Qualitative Research in Sport, Exercise and Health , 11 (4), 589–597. https://doi.org/10.1080/2159676x.2019.1628806 Burman, E. (2016). Deconstructing Developmental Psychology. In Google Books . Taylor & Francis. https://books.google.com/books? hl=en&lr=&id=8DolDwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PP1&dq=theories+of+developmental+ps ychology&ots=MmFy1gNoIQ&sig=opRp71fdjkAtXWjwxNUoBt2Z4Nc Burr, V. (2015). Social Constructionism . Taylor And Francis Group. Caspi, A., Roberts, B. W., & Shiner, R. L. (2005). Personality Development: Stability and Change. Annual Review of Psychology , 56 (1), 453–484. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.55.090902.141913

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23 Cave, S. N., & Stumm, S. (2020). Secondary data analysis of British population cohort studies: A practical guide for education researchers. British Journal of Educational Psychology . https://doi.org/10.1111/bjep.12386 Cervone, D., & Pervin, L. A. (2022). Personality: Theory and Research. In Google Books . John Wiley & Sons. https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=bW- VEAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA1&dq=psychology+of+personality+development&ots=fv M7_tVtV-&sig=PY3d5_MhuCVaN2bS_AMDvL0WdiQ Cialdini, R. B., & Goldstein, N. J. (2004). Social Influence: Compliance and Conformity. Annual Review of Psychology , 55 (1), 591–621. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.55.090902.142015 Crain, W. (2015). Theories of Development: Concepts and Applications. In Google Books . Psychology Press. https://books.google.com/books? hl=en&lr=&id=Ts5WCgAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PR2&dq=theories+of+developmental+p sychology&ots=lsQ4H7vVx3&sig=myJ_3yKtPFXYCa_OBfDL6zQolq8 Ebneyamini, S., & Sadeghi Moghadam, M. R. (2018). Toward Developing a Framework for Conducting Case Study Research. International Journal of Qualitative Methods , 17 (1), 160940691881795. Sagepub. https://doi.org/10.1177/1609406918817954 Fiske, S. T. (2018). Social Beings: Core Motives in Social Psychology. In Google Books . John Wiley & Sons. https://books.google.com/books? hl=en&lr=&id=zE6MDwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PR15&dq=social+psychology+of+grou ps&ots=RZaSxMVlcs&sig=PSNoWWf6FxqWctBnvwA4cBVRNMo

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24 Gardner, M., & Steinberg, L. (2005). Peer Influence on Risk Taking, Risk Preference, and Risky Decision Making in Adolescence and Adulthood: An Experimental Study. Developmental Psychology , 41 (4), 625–635. https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.41.4.625 Gregersen, T., & Mercer, S. (2021). The Routledge Handbook of the Psychology of Language Learning and Teaching . Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780429321498 Gruber, M., & MacMillan, I. C. (2017). Entrepreneurial Behavior: A Reconceptualization and Extension Based on Identity Theory. Strategic Entrepreneurship Journal , 11 (3), 271–286. https://doi.org/10.1002/sej.1262 Guan, M., & So, J. (2016). Influence of Social Identity on Self-Efficacy Beliefs Through Perceived Social Support: A Social Identity Theory Perspective. Communication Studies , 67 (5), 588–604. https://doi.org/10.1080/10510974.2016.1239645 Hahn Tapper, A. J. (2013). A Pedagogy of Social Justice Education: Social Identity Theory, Intersectionality, and Empowerment. Conflict Resolution Quarterly , 30 (4), 411–445. https://doi.org/10.1002/crq.21072 Hallam, S. (2010). The power of music: Its impact on the intellectual, social and personal development of children and young people. International Journal of Music Education , 28 (3), 269–289. https://doi.org/10.1177/0255761410370658 Hammack, P. L. (2008). Narrative and the Cultural Psychology of Identity. Personality and Social Psychology Review , 12 (3), 222–247. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868308316892 Hatch, M. J., & Schultz, M. (2004). Organizational Identity: A Reader. In Google Books . Oxford University Press. https://books.google.com/books? hl=en&lr=&id=l2R7DwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA134&dq=social+identity+theory&ots =AA5s5Sk0GM&sig=P_vz2P3lap3KuiXcvqZlKUQ1jY8

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25 Hogg, M. A. (2000). Subjective Uncertainty Reduction through Self-categorization: A Motivational Theory of Social Identity Processes. European Review of Social Psychology , 11 (1), 223–255. https://doi.org/10.1080/14792772043000040 Hogg, M. A. (2001). A Social Identity Theory of Leadership. Personality and Social Psychology Review , 5 (3), 184–200. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327957pspr0503_1 Hogg, M. A., & Terry, D. I. (2000). Social Identity and Self-Categorization Processes in Organizational Contexts. Academy of Management Review , 25 (1), 121–140. https://doi.org/10.5465/amr.2000.2791606 Hornsey, M. J. (2008). Social Identity Theory and Self-categorization Theory: A Historical Review. Social and Personality Psychology Compass , 2 (1), 204–222. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2007.00066.x Howard, J. A. (2000). Social Psychology of Identities. Annual Review of Sociology , 26 (1), 367– 393. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.soc.26.1.367 Huddy, L. (2001). From Social to Political Identity: A Critical Examination of Social Identity Theory. Political Psychology , 22 (1), 127–156. https://doi.org/10.1111/0162-895x.00230 Huddy, L. (2002). Context and Meaning in Social Identity Theory: A Response to Oakes. Political Psychology , 23 (4), 825–838. https://www.jstor.org/stable/3792369 Islam, G. (2014). Social Identity Theory. Encyclopedia of Critical Psychology , 1781–1783. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4614-5583-7_289 Jaspal, R. (2012). British Sikh Identity and the Struggle for Distinctiveness and Continuity. Journal of Community & Applied Social Psychology , 23 (3), 225–239. https://doi.org/10.1002/casp.2115

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26 Johnson, D. W., & Johnson, R. T. (2009). An Educational Psychology Success Story: Social Interdependence Theory and Cooperative Learning. Educational Researcher , 38 (5), 365– 379. https://doi.org/10.3102/0013189x09339057 Kassin, S. M., & Gudjonsson, G. H. (2004). The Psychology of Confessions. Psychological Science in the Public Interest , 5 (2), 33–67. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1529- 1006.2004.00016.x Kelly, S. (2009). Social identity theories and educational engagement. British Journal of Sociology of Education , 30 (4), 449–462. https://doi.org/10.1080/01425690902954620 Klucharev, V., Hytönen, K., Rijpkema, M., Smidts, A., & Fernández, G. (2009). Reinforcement Learning Signal Predicts Social Conformity. Neuron , 61 (1), 140–151. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuron.2008.11.027 Lange, V., M, P. A., Higgins, Tory, E., Kruglanski, & W, A. (2011). Handbook of Theories of Social Psychology : Geographical Perspectives. Handbook of Theories of Social Psychology , 1–1144. https://www.torrossa.com/gs/resourceProxy? an=4912667&publisher=FZ7200#page=986 Lourenço, O. (2012). Piaget and Vygotsky: Many resemblances, and a crucial difference. New Ideas in Psychology , 30 (3), 281–295. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.newideapsych.2011.12.006 Lyons, E., & Coyle, A. (2021). Analysing Qualitative Data in Psychology. Analysing Qualitative Data in Psychology , 1–568. https://www.torrossa.com/gs/resourceProxy? an=5017778&publisher=FZ7200 McCrae, R. R., Costa, P. T., Ostendorf, F., Angleitner, A., Hřebíčková, M., Avia, M. D., Sanz, J., Sánchez-Bernardos, M. L., Kusdil, M. E., Woodfield, R., Saunders, P. R., & Smith, P. B.

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27 (2000). Nature over nurture: Temperament, personality, and life span development. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 78 (1), 173–186. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78.1.173 McKinley, C., Masto, D., & Warber, K. (2014). Social Identity Theory as a Framework for Understanding the Effects of Exposure to Positive Media Images of Self and Other on Intergroup Outcomes. International Journal of Communication . https://digitalcommons.montclair.edu/scom-facpubs/5/ Michie, S. (2005). Making psychological theory useful for implementing evidence based practice: a consensus approach. Quality and Safety in Health Care , 14 (1), 26–33. https://doi.org/10.1136/qshc.2004.011155 Oakes, P. (2002). Psychological Groups and Political Psychology: A Response to Huddy’s “Critical Examination of Social Identity Theory.” Political Psychology , 23 (4), 809–824. https://doi.org/10.1111/0162-895x.00308 Oishi, S., Kesebir, S., & Snyder, B. H. (2009). Sociology: A Lost Connection in Social Psychology. Personality and Social Psychology Review , 13 (4), 334–353. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868309347835 Pan, N. D., Gruber, M., & Binder, J. (2019). Painting with All the Colors: The Value of Social Identity Theory for Understanding Social Entrepreneurship. Academy of Management Review , 44 (1), 213–215. https://doi.org/10.5465/amr.2017.0504 Parker, J. G., Rubin, K. H., Erath, S. A., Wojslawowicz, J. C., & Buskirk, A. A. (2015). Peer Relationships, Child Development, and Adjustment: A Developmental Psychopathology Perspective. Developmental Psychopathology , 419–493. https://doi.org/10.1002/9780470939383.ch12

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28 Patanella, D. (2011). Piaget’s Theory of Moral Development. Encyclopedia of Child Behavior and Development. Springer, Boston, MA. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-0-387-79061- 9_2167 Pecukonis, E. (2014). Interprofessional Education: A Theoretical Orientation Incorporating Profession-Centrism and Social Identity Theory. The Journal of Law, Medicine & Ethics , 42 (2_suppl), 60–64. https://doi.org/10.1111/jlme.12189 Quiñones-Vidal, E., Loźpez-García, J. J., Peñarañda-Ortega, M., & Tortosa-Gil, F. (2004). The Nature of Social and Personality Psychology as Reflected in JPSP, 1965-2000. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 86 (3), 435–452. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022- 3514.86.3.435 Reynolds, K. J., Turner, J. C., Branscombe, N. R., Mavor, K. I., Bizumic, B., & Subašić, E. (2010). Interactionism in personality and social psychology: An integrated approach to understanding the mind and behaviour. European Journal of Personality , 24 (5), 458–482. https://doi.org/10.1002/per.782 Richard, F. D., Bond, C. F., & Stokes-Zoota, J. J. (2003). One Hundred Years of Social Psychology Quantitatively Described. Review of General Psychology , 7 (4), 331–363. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.7.4.331 Roper, M. P. (2017). I grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church. Here’s why I left. In www.ted.com . https://www.ted.com/talks/megan_phelps_roper_i_grew_up_in_the_westboro_baptist_ch urch_here_s_why_i_left#t-26647 Rucker, D. D., Preacher, K. J., Tormala, Z. L., & Petty, R. E. (2011). Mediation Analysis in Social Psychology: Current Practices and New Recommendations. Social and

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29 Personality Psychology Compass , 5 (6), 359–371. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751- 9004.2011.00355.x Russell, D. W. (2002). In Search of Underlying Dimensions: The Use (and Abuse) of Factor Analysis in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin , 28 (12), 1629–1646. https://doi.org/10.1177/014616702237645 RUTTER, M., & SROUFE, L. A. (2000). Developmental psychopathology: Concepts and challenges. Development and Psychopathology , 12 (3), 265–296. https://doi.org/10.1017/s0954579400003023 Sameroff, A. (2010). A Unified Theory of Development: A Dialectic Integration of Nature and Nurture. Child Development , 81 (1), 6–22. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467- 8624.2009.01378.x Shaffer, D. R. (2008). Social and Personality Development. In Google Books . Cengage Learning. https://books.google.com/books? hl=en&lr=&id=iWYHAAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PR3&dq=personality+development+lif e+course&ots=EnwrpOWgeE&sig=zi1yAg17FNdaqjZ5NnrD3bzGk_w Sheldon, K. M. (2011). Integrating behavioral-motive and experiential-requirement perspectives on psychological needs: A two process model. Psychological Review , 118 (4), 552–569. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0024758 Sherif, M. (2015). Group Conflict and Co-operation: Their Social Psychology. In Google Books . Psychology Press. https://books.google.com/books? hl=en&lr=&id=24TwCQAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PP1&dq=social+psychology+of+groups &ots=ugv8qlnbgg&sig=40YAMXn7ZptypWkvBjwWf4PoFwA

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30 Sherman, D. K., & Cohen, G. L. (2006, January 1). The Psychology of Self‐defense: Self‐ Affirmation Theory . ScienceDirect; Academic Press. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0065260106380045 Sindic, D., & Condor, S. (2014). Social Identity Theory and Self-Categorisation Theory. The Palgrave Handbook of Global Political Psychology , 39–54. https://doi.org/10.1007/978- 1-137-29118-9_3 Smith, J. A., Larkin, M., & Flowers, P. (2021). Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis : Theory, Method and Research. Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis , 1–100. https://www.torrossa.com/it/resources/an/5282221 Spears, R. (2011). Group Identities: The Social Identity Perspective. Handbook of Identity Theory and Research , 201–224. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4419-7988-9_9 Steffens, N. K., Munt, K. A., van Knippenberg, D., Platow, M. J., & Haslam, S. A. (2020). Advancing the social identity theory of leadership: A meta-analytic review of leader group prototypicality. Organizational Psychology Review , 11 (1), 204138662096256. https://doi.org/10.1177/2041386620962569 Stets, J. E., & Burke, P. J. (2000). Identity Theory and Social Identity Theory. Social Psychology Quarterly , 63 (3), 224–237. https://doi.org/10.2307/2695870 Stryker, S., & Burke, P. J. (2000). The Past, Present, and Future of an Identity Theory. Social Psychology Quarterly , 63 (4), 284–297. https://doi.org/10.2307/2695840 Swart, J., Bass, C. K., & Apsche, J. A. (2015). MDT Theoretical Framework and Comparison. Treating Adolescents with Family-Based Mindfulness , 71–97. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-12700-2_4

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31 The British Psychological Society. (2018, April 18). Code of Ethics and Conduct - the British Psychological Society . Www.bps.org.uk; The British Psychological Society. https://www.bps.org.uk/guideline/code-ethics-and-conduct The British Psychological Society. (2021). Code of Ethics and Conduct . Www.bps.org.uk; The British Psychological Society. https://www.bps.org.uk/guideline/code-ethics-and-conduct Thorne, A. (2000). Personal Memory Telling and Personality Development. Personality and Social Psychology Review , 4 (1), 45–56. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327957pspr0401_5 Vallacher, R. R., Read, S. J., & Nowak, A. (2002). The Dynamical Perspective in Personality and Social Psychology. Personality and Social Psychology Review , 6 (4), 264–273. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327957pspr0604_01 Van Knippenberg, D. (2000). Work Motivation and Performance: A Social Identity Perspective. Applied Psychology , 49 (3), 357–371. https://doi.org/10.1111/1464-0597.00020 Willig, C. (2013). Introducing qualitative research in psychology (3rd ed.). Open University Press. Ye, Y., Zhu, H., Deng, X., & Mu, Z. (2019). Negative workplace gossip and service outcomes: An explanation from social identity theory. International Journal of Hospitality Management , 82 , 159–168. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijhm.2019.04.020 Zhu, W., Avolio, B. J., Riggio, R. E., & Sosik, J. J. (2011). The effect of authentic transformational leadership on follower and group ethics. The Leadership Quarterly , 22 (5), 801–817. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.leaqua.2011.07.004

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32 Appendices Theme Analysis Table Research Question Chosen Theory Codes Theme Name Description of Theme Social Psychology How do social identity and the moral developmen t of the participant play a role in her decision to leave an extreme religious group? Social identity theory (Tajfel & Turner, 1979)/ Self Categorisatio n theory (Turner,1985) Group Immersion Group Identification Group Goals Group Distinction Group Generalisatio n Positive Outgroup Experience Group influence Addresses how social identity is formed through group membership and the far- reaching effects of this membership, from assimilating the goals and beliefs of the group to generalizing and demonizing outgroups.

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33 The group's importance as a center for self-esteem and identity falters when due to moral development Roper does not fit the "prototype" of the group anymore, enabling her to leave the group and identify with another. Developmenta l Psychology Moral Development (Kohlberg, 1963/Piaget 1932;1965) Belief imposition Need for Approval Belief Conflict Questionin g strong beliefs Addresses the formation and endurance of radical beliefs about Roper's moral

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34 Open dialogue between perspectives Self-chosen principles Atonement development and how these were eventually changed by a state of inner conflict developed through inconsistencie s highlighted by outgroups on a social media platform. This engagement, facilitated by an open dialogue, led Roper to develop a "higher" sense of morality,

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35 ultimately leading to her exit from the religious group and her pursuing a new moral agenda. Color Codes for the first time. My mom made me leave my dolls in the minivan. I'd stand on a street corner in the heavy Kansas humidity, surrounded by a few dozen relatives, with my tiny fists clutching a sign that I could not read yet: "Gays are worthy of death." This was the beginning. 00:25 footnote footnote Our protests soon became a daily occurrence and an international phenomenon, and as a member of Westboro Baptist Church, I became a fixture on picket lines across the country. The end of my antigay picketing career and life as I knew it came 20 years later, triggered in part by strangers on Twitter who showed me the power of engaging the other. 00:47 footnote footnote

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36 In my home, life was framed as an epic spiritual battle between good and evil. The good was my church and its members, and the evil as everyone else. My church's antics were such that we were constantly at odds with the world, and that reinforced our otherness on a daily basis. "Make a difference between the unclean and the clean," the verse says, and so we did. From baseball games to military funerals, we trekked across the country with neon protest signs in hand to tell others exactly how "unclean" they were and exactly why they were headed for damnation. This was the focus of our whole lives. This was the only way for me to do good in a world that sat in Satan's lap. And like the rest of my ten siblings, I believed what I was taught with all my heart, and I pursued Westboro's agenda with a special sort of zeal. 01:40 In 2009, that zeal brought me to Twitter. Initially, the people I encountered on the platform were just as hostile as I expected. They were the digital version of the screaming hordes I'd been seeing at protests since I was a kid. But in the midst of that digital brawl, a strange pattern developed. Someone would arrive at my profile with the usual rage and scorn, and I would respond with a custom mix of Bible verses, pop culture references, and smiley faces. They would be understandably confused and caught off guard, but then a conversation would ensue. And it was civil -- full of genuine curiosity on both sides. How had the other come to such outrageous conclusions about the world? 02:25 Sometimes the conversation even bled into real life. People I'd sparred with on Twitter would come out to the picket line to see me when I protested in their city. A man named David was one such person. He ran a blog called "Jewlicious," and after several months of heated but friendly arguments online, he came out to see me at a picket in New Orleans. He brought me a Middle

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37 Eastern dessert from Jerusalem, where he lives, and I brought him kosher chocolate and held a "God hates Jews" sign. 02:54 (Laughter) 02:57 There was no confusion about our positions, but the line between friend and foe was becoming blurred. We'd started to see each other as human beings, and it changed the way we spoke to one another. 03:08 It took time, but eventually, these conversations planted seeds of doubt in me. My friends on Twitter took the time to understand Westboro's doctrines, and in doing so, they were able to find inconsistencies I'd missed my entire life. Why did we advocate the death penalty for gays when Jesus said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone?" How could we claim to love our neighbor while at the same time praying for God to destroy them? The truth is that the care shown to me by these strangers on the internet was itself a contradiction. It was growing evidence that people on the other side were not the demons I'd been led to believe. 03:48 These realizations were life-altering. Once I saw that we were not the ultimate arbiters of divine truth but flawed human beings, I couldn't pretend otherwise. I couldn't justify our actions -- especially our cruel practice of protesting funerals and celebrating human tragedy. These shifts in my perspective contributed to a larger erosion of trust in my church, and eventually, it made it impossible for me to stay. 04:16

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38 In spite of overwhelming grief and terror, I left Westboro in 2012. In those days, just after I left, the instinct to hide was almost paralyzing. I wanted to hide from the judgment of my family, who I knew would never speak to me again -- people whose thoughts and opinions had meant everything to me. And I wanted to hide from the world I'd rejected for so long -- people who had no reason at all to give me a second chance after a lifetime of antagonism. And yet, unbelievably, they did. 04:48 The world had access to my past because it was all over the internet -- thousands of tweets and hundreds of interviews, everything from local TV news to "The Howard Stern Show" -- but so many embraced me with open arms anyway. I wrote an apology for the harm I'd caused, but I also knew that an apology could never undo any of it. All I could do was try to build a new life and find a way somehow to repair some of the damage. People had every reason to doubt my sincerity, but most of them didn't. And -- given my history, it was more than I could've hoped for -- forgiveness and the benefit of the doubt. It still amazes me. 05:28 I spent my first year away from home adrift with my younger sister, who had chosen to leave with me. We walked into an abyss, but we were shocked to find the light and a way forward in the same communities we'd targeted for so long. David, my "Jewlicious" friend from Twitter, invited us to spend time among a Jewish community in Los Angeles. We slept on couches in the home of a Hasidic rabbi and his wife and their four kids -- the same rabbi that I'd protested three years earlier with a sign that said, "Your rabbi is a whore." We spent long hours talking about theology and Judaism and life while we washed dishes in their kosher kitchen and

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39 chopped vegetables for dinner. They treated us like family. They held nothing against us, and again I was astonished. 06:20 That period was full of turmoil, but one part I've returned to often is a surprising realization I had during that time -- that it was a relief and a privilege to let go of the harsh judgments that instinctively ran through my mind about nearly every person I saw. I realized that now I needed to learn. I needed to listen. 06:43 This has been at the front of my mind lately because I can't help but see in our public discourse so many of the same destructive impulses that ruled my former church. We celebrate tolerance and diversity more than at any other time in memory, and still, we grow more and more divided. We want good things -- justice, equality, freedom, dignity, prosperity -- but the path we've chosen looks so much like the one I walked away from four years ago. We've broken the world into them and us, only emerging from our bunkers long enough to lob rhetorical grenades at the other camp. We write off half the country as out-of-touch liberal elites or racist misogynist bullies. No nuance, no complexity, no humanity. Even when someone does call for empathy and understanding for the other side, the conversation nearly always devolves into a debate about who deserves more empathy. And just as I learned to do, we routinely refuse to acknowledge the flaws in our positions or the merits in our opponent's. Compromise is anathema. We even target people on our side when they dare to question the party line. This path has brought us cruel, sniping, deepening polarisation, and even outbreaks of violence. I remember this path. It will not take us where we want to go. 08:07

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40 What gives me hope is that we can do something about this. The good news is that it's simple, and the bad news is that it's hard. We have to talk and listen to people we disagree with. It's hard because we often can't fathom how the other side came to their position. It is hard because righteous indignation, that sense of certainty that ours is the right side, is so seductive. It's hard because it means extending empathy and compassion to people who show us hostility and contempt. The impulse to respond in kind is so tempting, but that isn't whom we want to be. We can resist. And I will always be inspired to do so by those people I encountered on Twitter, apparent enemies who became my beloved friends. And in the case of one particularly understanding and generous guy, my husband. There was nothing special about the way I responded to him. What was special was their approach. I thought about it a lot over the past few years and I found four things they did differently that made real conversation possible. These four steps were small but powerful, and I do everything I can to employ them in difficult conversations today. 09:24 The first is don't assume bad intent. My friends on Twitter realized that even when my words were aggressive and offensive, I sincerely believed I was doing the right thing. Assuming ill motives almost instantly cuts us off from truly understanding why someone does and believes as they do. We forget that they're human beings with a lifetime of experience that shaped their mind, and we get stuck on that first wave of anger, and the conversation has a very hard time ever moving beyond it. But when we assume good or neutral intent, we give our minds a much stronger framework for dialogue. 10:02

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41 The second is to ask questions. When we engage people across ideological divides, asking questions helps us map the disconnect between our differing points of view. That's important because we can't present effective arguments if we don't understand where the other side is actually coming from and because it gives them an opportunity to point out flaws in our positions. But asking questions serves another purpose; it signals to someone that they're being heard. When my friends on Twitter stopped accusing me and started asking questions, I almost automatically mirrored them. Their questions gave me room to speak, but they also gave me permission to ask them questions and to truly hear their responses. It fundamentally changed the dynamic of our conversation. 10:50 The third is to stay calm. This takes practice and patience, but it's powerful. At Westboro, I learned not to care how my manner of speaking affected others. I thought my rightness justified my rudeness -- harsh tones, raised voices, insults, interruptions -- but that strategy was ultimately counterproductive. Dialing up the volume and the snark is natural in stressful situations, but it tends to bring the conversation to an unsatisfactory, explosive end. When my husband was still just an anonymous Twitter acquaintance, our discussions frequently became hard and pointed, but we always refused to escalate. Instead, he would change the subject. He would tell a joke or recommend a book or gently excuse himself from the conversation. We knew the discussion wasn't over, just paused for a time to bring us back to an even keel. People often lament that digital communication makes us less civil, but this is one advantage that online conversations have over in-person ones. We have a buffer of time and space between us and the people whose ideas we find so frustrating. We can use that buffer. Instead of lashing out, we can pause, breathe, change the subject or walk away, and then come back to it when we're ready.

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42 12:10 And finally ... make the argument. This might seem obvious, but one side effect of having strong beliefs is that we sometimes assume that the value of our position is or should be obvious and self-evident, that we shouldn't have to defend our positions because they're so clearly right and good that if someone doesn't get it, it's their problem -- that it's not my job to educate them. But if it were that simple, we would all see things the same way. As kind as my friends on Twitter were, if they hadn't actually made their arguments, it would've been so much harder for me to see the world in a different way. We are all a product of our upbringing, and our beliefs reflect our experiences. We can't expect others to spontaneously change their minds. If we want change, we have to make the case for it. 13:05 My friends on Twitter didn't abandon their beliefs or their principles -- only their scorn. They channeled their infinitely justifiable offense and came to me with pointed questions tempered with kindness and humor. They approached me as a human being, and that was more transformative than two full decades of outrage, disdain and violence. I know that some might not have the time or the energy or the patience for extensive engagement, but as difficult as it can be, reaching out to someone we disagree with is an option that is available to all of us. And I sincerely believe that we can do hard things, not just for them but for us and our future. Escalating disgust and intractable conflict are not what we want for ourselves, or our country or our next generation. 13:57 My mom said something to me a few weeks before I left Westboro, when I was desperately hoping there was a way I could stay with my family. People I have loved with every pulse of my

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43 heart since even before I was that chubby-cheeked five-year-old, standing on a picket line holding a sign I couldn't read. She said, "You're just a human being, my dear, sweet child." She was asking me to be humble -- not to question but to trust God and my elders. But to me, she was missing the bigger picture -- that we're all just human beings. That we should be guided by that most basic fact, and approach one another with generosity and compassion. 14:40 Each one of us contributes to the communities and the cultures and the societies that we make up. The end of this spiral of rage and blame begins with one person who refuses to indulge these destructive, seductive impulses. We just have to decide that it's going to start with us. 14:58 Thank you. 15:00 (Applause) Footnotes top top 00:05 Back Back Note "Our protests soon became a daily occurrence and an international phenomenon."

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44 While I was a member of Westboro, it was common for members to give interviews to international media outlets and documentary film crews from around the world. British filmmaker Louis Theroux made two such documentaries, which can be found here and here . 00:12 Note "Initially, the people I encountered on the platform were just as hostile as I expected." The early conversations on my Twitter account are all still visible because I chose not to delete them. I didn't ever want to whitewash my history or forget where I come from. 00:16 Note He brought me a Middle Eastern dessert from Jerusalem, where he lives, and I brought him kosher chocolate and held a "God Hates Jews" sign. If you'd like to see this exchange from David's perspective, he wrote a blog post about it at the time. The dynamic is so surreal that it still makes me laugh. 00:38 Back Back Note "It took time, but eventually these conversations planted seeds of doubt in me."

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45 In a profile published in 2015 , New Yorker staff writer Adrian Chen did a brilliant job of bringing light to these conversations and how they developed over time. 00:45 Note "I wrote an apology for the harm I’d caused, but I also knew that an apology could never undo any of it." Writing this apology and publicly grappling with the life I’d lived was terrifying – but after two decades of public protesting and antagonism, I knew hiding was impossible. Publicly acknowledging the harm I’d done and trying to make it right seemed like the only honest way to move forward. 01:00 Back Back Note "Given my history, it was more than I could have hoped for: forgiveness and the benefit of the doubt." Compassionate responses like this were much more common that I would have thought. I was so grateful to see that true kindness and understanding were not exclusive to Westboro, as I had believed. 01:10 Note

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46 "Even when someone does call for empathy and understanding for the other side, the conversation nearly always devolves into a debate about who deserves more empathy." I've fallen into this trap a few times myself until I realised how little it does to change the dynamic of a discussion. Each side wants compassion, and we all feel that we deserve it – but how likely is it that the other side will suddenly agree that we are the ones more deserving of compassion? The question of who is "more deserving" ends up being just another point of contention – and not at all a solution. When a conversation is as polarised and hostile as our public discourse is now, sometimes the most effective way to get compassion from the other side is to first give it. This is non- complementary behavior, and it is both very difficult and incredibly powerful. 01:15 Note "We just have to decide that it’s going to start with us." "f you make this choice, see the "Take action" section on my talk page for more ideas on steps to take next!

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