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4-MAT Review; The New Strong-Willed Child
Karla M Salinas
Liberty University
DBFA400-B01
Summary
The New Strong-Willed Child: Birth to Adolescence by Dr. James Dobson gives parents a great
understanding of their children who may be more "difficult" and the best ways to manage
specific problems as a result. No one can ever be completely prepared for parenting. However,
Dobson, who is also a New York Times best-selling author, includes real-life examples and
scenarios in this book to help parents learn about a variety of problems that may happen during
the parenting journey. Dr. Dobson offers insight into troubled and independent kids because he is
a father as well as an author and therapist. Dobson supports his arguments with research, studies,
and statistics to show how successful his approach to parenting and dealing with strong-willed
kids is. The book discusses common issues faced by parents of "difficult" or strong-willed
children, such as ADHD, low self-esteem, sibling rivalry, defiance, and many more, from a
Christian perspective. The emphasis with children in general, strong-willed, or not, should
always be a caring and trustworthy relationship, as Dr. James Dobson repeatedly emphasizes.
Along with feeling loved, kids should also feel safe at home and with their parents. When it
comes to punishment, Dobson emphasizes how important it is to make sure that the child always
knows and feels loved, cherished, and cared for. He emphasizes that discipline should never be
given out of rage or irritation because doing so could have negative long-term effects.
Throughout the text, the subject of corporal punishment is explored, and Dr. Dobson goes into
length on the ages, modes of administration, and situations in which this should be done in order
to be effective. He also acknowledges how, if applied improperly, this type of discipline can
swiftly devolve into abuse and that there are some circumstances in which it should be
completely avoided. With the help of this book, parents will be better able to comprehend their
kids, and you'll be able to consider why they can be acting out the way they are. Not only that,
but it also gives a sense of how youngsters might interpret their parents' behavior. Additionally,
Dobson offers a thorough response to any queries about the just-discussed subject that parents
have posed in real-life situations at the conclusion of each chapter. Any parent who is prepared to
give up and may feel as though there is no longer any prospect of restoring structure and order in
their home should read this book.
Reflection
Dobson mentions that "some kids have crooked wheels" throughout the entirety of The New
Strong-Willed Child (Dobson, 2004). He continues by saying that these kids are the ones that
prefer to follow their own impulses rather than being told what to do or where to go. Dobson
goes into further depth on this topic in Chapter 3, "What Makes Them the Way They Are?". The
number of disobedient kids, birth order, parental temperament, and heredity are only a few of the
research and data he offers. He also discusses research on identical twins and how heredity is
linked in those situations. I've read before that a mother's experiences during the nine months of
pregnancy can have an impact on the personality of the child, including the amount of stress she
may go through. I've also heard that a child's temperament can be affected by environmental
factors like being around loud noises (firing guns, race cars, etc.) and listening to various forms
of music at various sound levels. Given Dr. Dobson's expertise in parenting and children, I would
have loved to hear his thoughts on whether he believes any of the statements to be true.
Throughout the text, Dobson insisted vehemently that his parenting approaches, when applied
correctly and consistently, would almost always be successful. What if it isn't, though? What if a
parent has a kid who doesn't meet all of Dobson's requirements? I wish he had made it apparent
that there is a chance that, in some circumstances, something other than disobedience may be at
play that could explain particular conduct. I would have liked to see him offer a timeline for
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parents to try the approaches he suggests utilizing and how they should proceed to seek
additional professional assistance if/when they are not successful.
The fact that Dobson supports spanking as a form of punishment is one component of the
book that I really loved. In terms of parenting, physical punishment is a hotly contested subject,
and many professionals now vehemently oppose its use. Dobson, however, goes into great detail
on when to use spanking, how it should be done, and that there is a time, place, and even age
when this particular form of punishment should be employed. I was thrilled to learn the ages at
which he advises parents to start slapping their children and the ages at which he believes all
corporal punishment should be ended. I also thought it was really beneficial that he included the
opposing reasons made by professionals against the usage of spanking and then incorporated
how false they were.
Application
I can't even begin to convey how grateful I am that this course introduced me to this book as a
mother of three young children. I have a nine-month-old baby girl, two sons who are six and two
years old, and two boys. My children are all incredibly diverse from one another and have very
distinct personalities. My six-year-old, however, has already shown that he is going to be a
"difficult" child. Parents are frequently advised not to compare their children to others, but in my
opinion, this is practically difficult to do. I would be around friends and family who had children
close to my son's age or see others out with children of a similar age, but I could never figure out
what I was doing incorrectly. They always made parenting seem so simple, and I was never able
to get over my guilt or feeling like a bad mother for not being able to control my child's behavior.
I frequently felt as though Dr. Dobson was speaking directly to me while I read the material.
Despite the fact that it is inappropriate, and I detest to admit it, I occasionally lack patience as a
result of my grueling day. After a challenging day at work, I sometimes dread returning home
and arguing with the kids about homework, supper, and chores. After reading the entire book, I'm
going to make it a point to stop letting factors outside of my control—like my day at work—
influence how lenient or rigid I am with my kids. Dobson emphasizes the need of consistency,
and I definitely need to work on that. I also need to do a better job of reminding myself that my
kids can go through the same things that I do from time to time when I have terrible days and am
not in the best mood. The section in the book that I, regrettably, related to the most and learnt the
most from is Chapter Six, which is headed "The Most Common Mistake." At one point, Dobson
says, "You don't need anger to govern kids. Strategic action is necessary (Dobson, 2014).
To
keep reminding myself of this, I intend to write this on the white board on our refrigerator. I'm
going to establish a list of what is required and keep to the consequences consistently rather than
asking my kids, especially my six-year-old, to perform the same things over and over again to
the point of irritation and yelling. I was very happy to hear him conclude the chapter by
expressing his uncertainty that it is too late to make the correct decisions (Dobson, 2014). Every
day at the end of the day, I try to remind myself of the scripture, "Discipline your son, and he
will give you peace; he will bring delight to your heart," from the book of Proverbs (Proverbs
29:17). Everyone who is a parent may probably identify to the thought that sometimes you
wonder whether you are being too strict with your kids and wonder if they can even stand you.
Every time this crosses my mind, I remind myself of this scripture and tell myself that, in the
end, all I'm really trying to do is raise my kids to be successful, Christian adults who never once
had to question my love for each of them.
References
Dobson, J. C. The New Dare to Discipline. [Liberty University Online Bookshelf]. Retrieved
From
https://libertyonline.vitalsource.com/#/books/9781414341743/
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