SCI215 Module Three Autonomy

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Southern New Hampshire University *

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215

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Philosophy

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Jan 9, 2024

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Running head: Module Three 1 Contemporary Health Jude Hanno Southern New Hampshire University
Autonomy 2 Feeling in control of my own life and what happens in the day-to-day is something I struggle with quite often, and something I have incredible anxiety about. Feeling like I do not have the freedom to live my own life in the way that I want to, and this fear of mine tends to come out most often when I am in a relationship. I fear marriage and I fear having children, because once I am married, I could be with someone for life who could impact my life negatively. This would take away my freedom. Once I have children, I could be left with the sole responsibility of taking care of children and the home, while my partner would display organized incompetence, leaving me with most of the labor. I fear being with a partner who makes me feel powerless, but choosing these partners is a repeated pattern of behavior I am working to break. For example, when I am with someone who struggles financially because of poor spending habits, I must pick up the slack and support both of us financially. This has happened to me in all my relationships, and I begin to resent my partner for putting me in a position to have to be responsible for both of us to eat and survive. I feel like I have lost my autonomy. I feel as though I do not have the freedom to choose how to live my life, because the money I work for is being used by someone who continues to put themselves in a situation where they must rely on me to survive. I become a safety blanket, and I am taken advantage of for cleaning up the messes of my partners in which they do not have to deal with the consequences of their own actions. Another personal example in which I have felt like I lost my freedom and ability to live my life how I choose is through physical and emotional manipulation. Having a partner who forces me to stay in relationships with threats. For example, I have been told by a past partner that if I left him, he would relapse in his drug abuse. Another example is a partner who has hurt themselves in front of me at any mention of me leaving them. I feel powerless in the decision to be my own person when I care for an individual who takes advantage of that and will hurt themselves to
Autonomy 3 force me to stay. A more recent example in which I have felt powerless is through physical violence in a relationship. Where I have been traumatized due to continuous abuse. It is obvious that my social health has been at an all-time low, and I struggle with surrounding myself with people who would not cause me harm and taking away my ability to make my own choices. Luckily, I do recognize that there are individuals that support giving me a sense of empowerment and taking back my freedom. I am inspired by many of the people in my life, although they are not part of my day-to-day. Seeing friends succeed inspires me to do better. I have many friends who excel at their respective hobbies, and they give me the power and motivation to believe I can do and be anyone I want. When I am around these people, I tend to delve back into my own hobbies. I begin writing again, or reading, or playing music, or going on runs. I begin communicating again with more people instead of isolating myself in toxic relationships. I feel significantly less alone. These friends have given me the courage to leave unhealthy situations and try to find myself again. While I reflect on my absence of autonomy in my daily life, I need to consider that I have taken away my own sense of autonomy by continuing to pursue relationships with men who display typical red flags. I am doing the same things repeatedly and expecting different results. I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I know I am capable of much more than I can even imagine. I have confidence in my abilities but pursue partners who are not confident in theirs. This is so relevant in my own growth journey to discovering who I am and who I want to be, and separating myself from those who make me feel powerless is a start to taking my own life back.
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