STEP NINE

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Oct 30, 2023

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STEP NINE Edit, Rewrite, and Refine Discussion of the three-stage editing process Instructions for revising the message, improving the organization, and polishing the mechanics Examples of rough-draft, redlined, and final documents The first thing to remember about editing is not to do it while you’re writing the first draft. It’s better to complete the first draft by letting the words pour out so you don’t interrupt your natural flow of ideas. (See Step 2: Know Where You’re Taking Your Readers for a discussion of free- writing.) When you’ve completed the first draft, that’s the time to begin refining your document. In this step, we’ll look at the editing process rather than at specific editorial changes you may want to make to your document. Those specifics have been covered in the earlier steps of this book. Take a Break Before You Revise Your Draft It’s easy to get attached to the words you write and the way you’ve written them. That’s a great reason to put some space between the first draft and the editing process. Even a couple of hours can cool your (probably unwarranted) passion for your draft and can increase your willingness to see and fix its shortcomings. Whenever possible, write the first draft and put it aside. Refocus your concentration on something else and come back to the document several hours later or even the next day. When ridiculously tight deadlines—like in the next 30 minutes—force you to write quickly and leave you little time to review, take at least a few minutes to read the document to yourself to catch obvious mistakes in spelling, grammar, and word usage and to ensure it makes sense. Read from the Recipient’s Point of View To become an effective editor, you must be critical of your own text and make the necessary changes. When you’re ready to revise your document, here’s the first truth: to write better, you need to know what will read better. (Apologies for the ungrammatical use of the word read — sometimes you have to break a rule to make a point.)

If you want to write better, know what will read better to others. To evaluate how readable and understandable your document will be, put yourself behind your readers’ glasses. Will they find the document clear, concise, and organized? Will they figure out the situation that prompted your writing it—the context? Will they make sense of your data? Will they take the action or support the position you’re recommending? The best way to answer those questions for yourself as you begin the editing is to read the words out loud. If something sounds confusing, it probably is. If you don’t think the words flow well, the reader won’t think they flow well either. Follow the Three-Stage Editing Process Editing can be divided into three major focus areas: 1. message 2. organization 3. mechanics. Editing is a threestage process that focuses separately on message, organization, and mechanics. In the three stages of editing, each area is addressed separately because it’s impossible to pay close attention to all three at the same time. Let’s look at the three stages. Message

Editing should begin with the message because it makes no sense to waste time reorganizing or reviewing the mechanics of text that isn’t conveying your points clearly. To review the clarity of your message, ask yourself a few simple questions. These questions are similar to the ones you asked when you started writing the document (Step 2: Know Where You’re Taking Your Readers):  Is the purpose or bottom line clear?  Is the action required of the reader clear?  Are the other important points clear?  Is the tone appropriate for the message?  Is the message written in a positive (rather than negative) way? As you answer those questions, mark any text you’re not satisfied with (for example, a confusing action step). On a paper copy, circle or highlight a group of words or sentences that may need revision. If you prefer editing only on a screen, use the highlighting feature or put that block of text in a different color. Go through the entire document, marking places you may revise, before you begin revising. You may want to go through it two or three times. Then work on clarifying your message in each of the places you’ve marked. Organization All documents, even those with just a few paragraphs, need to be organized so that the reader can follow the text easily. The second stage of editing takes a hard look at how well you’ve imposed a logical order on the message you’re trying to convey. Here are some questions to ask yourself to determine if your document is properly organized:  Is information separated into chunks that are easy to digest?  Are those chunks arranged in a logical sequence?  Does each paragraph contain just one basic idea so readers won’t get confused?  Are there transitions unifying sentences, paragraphs, and sections to help ideas in the document flow smoothly from start to finish?  Is the structure reasonably similar throughout different sections?  Could subheads before key sections make it easier to read? One method to separate and arrange your ideas is to read the document and list all the key points it conveys. In essence, you’re re-outlining it. This is much easier when you’re looking at text you’ve written than it is when you’re staring at a blank page. The re-outlining process also will help identify any important concepts that you omitted. You can list them separately at the bottom of the page or on a separate sheet of paper and incorporate them as you reorganize the document. You’ll also be able to spot repeated or similar ideas scattered throughout the document and then merge them into a single paragraph or section.

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If you developed an initial outline before you started your first draft, compare that version to the re-outline to see if you omitted anything you initially intended to include. During this stage, you may decide to change the order in which ideas are presented so they flow more logically from one to the next. Consider adding subheads or a few words before each section (set in bold or italic, perhaps underlined) to pinpoint the key message that follows and to further separate each concept. (See Step 6 for more discussion of subheads.) Good organization is a more subjective quality than are the message and proper mechanics. For example, the same information can be conveyed through shorter or longer paragraphs. And you can explain a multifaceted concept by using bullets to list the facets or by writing a few traditional paragraphs with no bulleted items. When you get comfortable with your own method of organizing, you’ll find that it not only promotes readability but also simplifies your writing process because you can move text around into separate categories more confidently—and get the document done faster. Mechanics Most of the grunt work in editing comes in the third stage: reviewing the mechanics of your text. Mechanics form the micro level of the document, not the macro message or the mid-level organization. Mechanics are the weeds! Editing for mechanics—spelling, punctuation, grammar, and word usage—may require you to be in a different frame of mind than you are when evaluating message clarity and organization. You need to scrutinize individual words or groups of words instead of the entire document. Here are some questions you need to ask:  Spelling/typos o Are any words misspelled? o Are any homonyms (sound-alikes, such as there and their) used in place of the correct words? o Are any words missing or out of place in a sentence? o Have you placed apostrophes correctly? o Are all proper names spelled correctly?  Punctuation o Do all of your sentences end with appropriate punctuation? o Are all commas and periods placed inside quotation marks? o Do commas separate all the items in a series? o Do semicolons separate all the items in a comma-separated series?  Grammar and syntax o Do subjects and verbs agree in number? o Do nouns and pronouns agree in number?

o Is text written in a consistent tense? o Are sentences written in a parallel structure? o Are bulleted or numbered lists written in a parallel structure? o Are subheads written in a parallel structure? o Does each introductory phrase directly relate to the noun that immediately follows it? o Is everything written in complete sentences, where appropriate? o Are there short, choppy sentences that can be combined for better flow?  Word usage o Is there any stuffy language that can be replaced with simpler words? o Are there any weak passive verbs or verb-nouns that can be replaced with more powerful active verbs? o Can you eliminate any redundant language? o Is there jargon or “business-speak” that can be simplified with more widely understood terminology? You can start with the spelling/grammar-checking feature usually available with word-processing software. It helps catch obvious mistakes—but don’t depend on it. The spelling-check feature won’t catch homonyms you’ve used incorrectly (here, hear; do, due; there, their, they’re); and if you’ve written is when you meant in, the software won’t catch your mistake. As to the grammar- checking feature, sometimes the software’s suggestions are just plain wrong. Another way to find mistakes is to read your words aloud in a staccato, syllable-by-syllable rhythm so you actually can hear the errors. For example, when sounding out “Lu-pé out-lined four-teen work-flow im-prove-ments is her re-port,” you’ll probably notice that “is” should be “in.” Also try reading the text backward, forcing yourself to review one word at a time instead of getting mesmerized by the flow of sentences and paragraphs. Editing for mechanics can be handled in many ways. You can print out your document, write your revisions on the paper copy, and then key them into the electronic file. Or you can use the tracking/redlining feature of your word-processing program, which will enable you to keep your original version without interrupting the flow of the newer version. With time, you’ll discover the system that works best for you. Examples of Editing in Action Editing is partially subjective and always situation-specific. Who your readers are, what your message is, and what you hope to accomplish with your document all affect the finished product. Learning to edit your words is hands-on work, and I wish I could sit with you and make specific suggestions as you do it. Because that’s not a viable plan, the second-best option is for you and me to look at several first-draft documents and evaluate their message, organization, and mechanics. Examining those three aspects of each document, choosing what to do to improve them, and seeing how the changes are made will help you learn to edit your own work more effectively.

What follows are three documents: (1) a meeting review, (2) a report on customer service problems, and (3) an explanation of the company purchasing policy. Some of the documents may need correction in one or two of the focus areas; others may need changes in all three areas. You’ll find the rough-draft versions of each document first, followed by an evaluation of the message, the organization, and the mechanics. Because the evaluations are brief and general, you’ll gain most from studying the text in “tracked” or redlined format— that is, with deletions, additions, and changes showing. In this format you’ll be able to see exactly what was replaced or inserted with a degree of detail that the evaluations don’t offer. The tracked version and final ready-to-send version of each document are shown after each evaluation. Meeting Review Rough Draft Carl, This email is to review and confirm all of the critical and key issues we discussed at the meeting yesterday morning from 9 to 11:00 a.m. In that meeting, we talked about the fact that your staff of employees needs to provide assistance to my team with the different facets of the execution of the direct mail campaign. Below, I have listed the important next steps, which are bulleted, that need to be followed by your staff:  Assuming responsibility for the phone calls to the sources you have in order to be able to build a complete and comprehensive database.  Conducting meetings among your staff and my team in which all personnel present would gain an understanding of what each is responsible for during this entire process.  Handling each and every occasion of complaining by the various customers, many of whom may be displeased with the level and quality of customer service they receive.  How the execution of the database marketing program will proceed, including how much it will cost, what we expect the revenues to be and what type of follow-up we should consider implementing. I have all the confidence in the world that both of our teams will work together well to complete all that we need to do and be in a great position to produce an effective direct mail cam paign with a lower cost. Should there be any questions, concerns, or items that you feel should be clarified, please don’t hesitate to pick up the phone and call me. Or, if you prefer, you can email me directly. Sincerely, Steve

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Evaluation 1. Message: okay 2. Organization: okay 3. Mechanics: o weak passive verbs o stuffy language, wordiness o redundancies o non-parallel structure in bulleted items Editing, in Tracked Format Carl, This email is to review and Let’s confirm all of the critical and key issues we discussed at the yesterday’s meeting yesterday morning from 9 to 11:00 a.m. In that meeting, we talked regarding about the fact that the help needed from your staff of employees needs to provide assistance to my team with the different facets of the execution of on the direct mail campaign. Here are Below, I have listed the important next steps, which are bulleted, that need to be followed by for your staff:  Call your Assuming responsibility for the phone calls to the sources to help you have in order to be able to build a complete and comprehensive database.  Conducting meetings with both of our teams to discuss responsibilities. among your staff and my team in which all personnel present would gain an understanding of what each is responsible for during this entire process.  Handle customer complaints. ing each and every incidence of complaining by the various s customers, many of whom may be displeased with the level and quality of customer service they receive.  Determine costs and anticipated revenues. How the execution of the database marketing program will proceed, including how much it will cost, what we expect the revenues to be and what type of follow-up we should consider implementing. I’m confident that I have all the confidence in the world that both of our teams will work well together to complete all that we need to do and be in a great position to produce an effective direct mail campaign at with a lower cost. Please call or email me if you have Should there be any questions., concerns, or items that you feel should be clarified, please don’t hesitate to pick up the phone and call me. Or, if you prefer, you can email me directly. Sincerely, Steve

Final Document Carl, Let’s confirm the key issues discussed at yesterday’s meeting regarding the help needed from your staff on the direct mail campaign. Here are the next steps for your staff:  Call your sources to help build a comprehensive database.  Conduct meetings with both of our teams to discuss responsibilities.  Handle customer complaints.  Determine costs and anticipated revenues. I’m confident that our teams will work well together to pro duce an effective direct mail campaign at a lower cost. Please call or email me if you have any questions. Sincerely, Steve Report of Customer Service Problems Rough Draft Diane, We in our department always take service very seriously, and believe it’s the cornerstone of our business. There’s no better indicators of a company’s commitment to customers and qualities. Poor service can have a devastating affect on the company. There are also problems in other areas, even with what we thought was a dedicated staff. Many mistakes have been made on orders. In fact, mistakes have risen 15 percent in the past six months. I suspect this is most likely due to the lack of sufficient understanding of the different products by our customer service representatives. The right training can insure a more positive outcome and go a long way to correcting these mistakes. This should entail expanded training to the tune of 20 hours per month for three months. It’s worth it. Poor service isn’t helped by the presence of customer management software that many— including me—consider antiquated. They are contributing to mistakes and making employees frustrated. And we shouldn’t neglect the fact that absenteeism among customer service reps is up 25 percent in the past six months. That doesn’t work. All employees who have missed five or more workdays in a single month need to meet with you individually. If we have this meeting, invest $75,000 in CMX, the latest customer management package and expand the training as

I’ve indicated, we can improve customer service. Those are some of the issues we face—which obviously need to be dealt with. Sincerely, Moises Evaluation 1. Message: garbled. The purpose is not clearly stated in the first paragraph; it is finally alluded to in the second paragraph; and the action step at the end is unclear. 2. Organization: poor. The problems (mistakes on orders, old software, and high rate of absenteeism) are scattered throughout the text. Plus, the solution for the outdated software should follow the explanation of the problem. 3. Mechanics: poor. Although many of the existing errors will be eliminated when the unnecessary material is deleted and the points are reorganized, it is important to note the current mistakes to avoid: o redundancies o wordiness o errors in subject/verb and noun/pronoun agreement o poor word usage o misuse of apostrophe o points stated negatively instead of positively. To revise this document, let’s first identify the key message: Suggested solutions to customer service problems . Now let’s rewrite it by organizing the information into chunks and deleting redundant language. Editing, in Tracked Format Diane, We have some serious customer service problems that need to be addressed. Below are the three most critical problems and my suggested solutions: in our department always take service very seriously, and believe it’s the cornerstone of our business. There’s no better indicators of a company’s commitment to customers and qualities. Poor service can have a devastating affect on the company. There are also problems in other areas, even with what we thought was a dedicated staff. Problem 1: Many mistakes have been made on orders. In fact, mistakes have risen 15 percent rise in the number of shipping mistakes in the past six months. I suspect this is most likely due to the lack of sufficient understanding of the different products by our customer service representatives. The right training can insure a more positive outcome and go a long way to correcting these mistakes. This should entail

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Solution: expanded training to the tune of 20 hours per a month for the next three months. It’s worth it. Problem 2: Poor service isn’t helped by the presence of customer management software that many--including me--consider antiquated. They are contributing to mistakes and making employees frustrated. And we shouldn’t neglect the fact that 25 percent rise in absenteeism among customer service reps is up 25 percent in the past six months. That doesn’t work. Solution: meet with each All employees who has have missed five or more workdays in a single month. need to meet with you individually. Problem 3: antiquated customer management software. Solution: If we have this meeting, invest $75,000 in CMX, the latest customer management package. and expand the training as I’ve indicated, we can improve customer service. Those are some of the issues we face--which obviously need to be dealt with. Sincerely, Moises Final Document Diane, We have some serious customer service problems that need to be addressed. Below are the three most critical problems and my suggested solutions: Problem 1: 15 percent rise in the number of shipping mistakes in the past six months. Solution: expand training to 20 hours a month for the next three months. Problem 2: 25 percent rise in absenteeism among customer service reps in the past six months. Solution: meet with each employee who has missed five or more workdays in a single month. Problem 3: antiquated customer management software. Solution: invest $75,000 in CMX, the latest customer management package. Sincerely, Moises Explanation of Company Purchasing Policy

Rough Draft So we can do a better job in handling our claims with regard to materials purchased at the MNO or XYZ stores, we are requesting all Contractors to use the supply report for those particular stores. When you use our firm’s accounts for these stores, please be absolutely sure that you make a complete purchase for the job at one time. Every time you make a purchase, the store is generating an invoice. As a result, more work is created not only for us, but for you as well. An example of this occurred when one contractor went to the XYZ store five times in one week for the same claim. Each purchase were for very minor items. This takes time out of your employee’s production and project efficiency, as well as costing our firm and you more money for that particular claim. We’ve heard many contractors who complain that it takes longer for their employees to relocate the materials at the stores, and this may be the reason why. It’s my recommendation that you and your subcontractors email all of the orders into MNO store or XYZ store at least 24 hours prior to the pickup time. Please make sure that you order the materials necessary for a repair job, and have them put it on one invoice. By doing this, we should minimize your employees’ and subcontractors down time, travel time, and reduce operating expense for you and our company. In addition, make certain that you use indicate the correct purchase order number, not the customer’s phone number or social security number. If you do not use the correct purchase order number, you will be adviced to go the website of either of the appropriate stores and make all of the corrections for each claim. This needs to be done. For those of you who continue to have problems with getting the correct purchase order number on the invoices, I will have to take you out of the rotation until this can be corrected. Evaluation 1. Message: fairly clear—procedures for purchases at these stores 2. Organization: good 3. Mechanics: poor o misspelled words o redundancies o words missing o vague use of pronouns, such as this and that, with no clear noun reference o weak passive verbs o lack of number agreement between subject and verb o stuffy language, wordiness o inaccurate capitalization o inaccurate use of apostrophe o phrases and sentences without parallel structure o dangling participle Editing, in Tracked Format To So we can do a better job in handling our handle claims for with regard to materials purchased at the MNO or XYZ stores, we are requesting all Ccontractors should to use the

supply report for those particular stores. When you use our firm’s accounts for these stores, please bBe absolutely sure to that you make a complete purchase everything you need for the job at one time. Every time you make a purchase, Otherwise, the store is generatesing multiple an invoices for each purchase, resulting in unnecessary work for both of us. As a result, more work is created not only for us, but for you as well. For An example, of this occurred when one contractor went to the XYZ store five times in one week for the same claim, each time. Each purchase were for very minor items. This duplication of effort costs employees valuable production time and takes time out of your employee’s production and project efficiency, as well as costsing our firm the stores and you more money for that particular claim. time and money to produce the extra paperwork. We’ve heard many contractors who complain that it takes longer for their employees to relocate the materials at the stores, and this may be the reason why. It’s my I recommendation that you and your subcontractors email all of the orders to into MNO store or XYZ store at least 24 hours prior to the pick-up time, and be. Please make sure that all you order the materials needed for a job are necessary for a repair job, and have them put it listed on one invoice. By doing this, Doing so we should minimize your employees’ and subcontractors down time, travel time, and reduce operating expenses for you and our company. all parties. In addition, remember to submit make certain that you use indicate the correct purchase order number, not the customer’s phone number or social security number. If you do not use the correct purchase order number, Otherwise, you will be forced adviced to go to the website of either of the appropriate stores and make all of the corrections each claim. This needs to be done. For tThose of you who continue to submit the wrong have problems with getting the correct purchase order numbers on the invoices, I will be have to taken you out of the rotation until this error can be corrected. Final Document To better handle claims for materials purchased at the MNO or XYZ stores, contractors should use the supply report for those particular stores. Be sure to purchase everything you need for the job at one time. Otherwise, the store generates multiple invoices for each purchase, resulting in unnecessary work for both of us. For example, one contractor went to XYZ store five times in one week for the same claim, each time for minor items. This duplication of effort costs employees valuable production time and costs the stores time and money to produce the extra paperwork. I recommend that you and your subcontractors email all orders to MNO store or XYZ store at least 24 hours prior to the pick-up time, and be sure that all materials needed for a job are listed on one invoice. Doing so should reduce operating expenses for all parties.

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In addition, remember to submit the correct purchase order number, not the customer’s phone number or social security number. Otherwise, you will be forced to go to the website of either store and correct each claim. Those of you who continue to submit the wrong numbers on the invoices will be taken out of the rotation until this error can be corrected . Your Turn Editing requires a meticulous review of your document’s message (clarity of content), organization (logical structure and flow), and mechanics (punctuation, spelling, grammar, and word usage,). Revise the following document to improve each of those areas. Delete unnecessary words; use simple words and parallel structure; ensure that verbs and subjects agree in number; make verb tense consistent throughout; correct spelling, punctuation, grammar, or usage mistakes; and insert subheads and bullets to improve organization, if desired. Frank, Everyone in our division believes strongly in the need for accuracy in shipping. We take it seriously and consider its the part our business that distinguish us from the rest of the competition. Mistakes on orders can be heavily damaging to the company. Too many errors have occurred on shipments. It has come to my attention that shipment errors have gone up 20 percent over the time period covering the past nine months. It is my opinion that this is probably a result of out dated technology. Thus the only, solution is to make the investment in the latest, state-of-the-art shipping technology. This technology will be so much better for all partys involved. Nobody likes sloppy work by any one or group. After my observations, I have concluded that a good many of the shipping clerks do work that many, including I, consider sloppy. No way can this be tolerated any more. The entire department needs to undergo training on proper procedures. This training can be handled by PDQ Consultants, experts in this type of training. We have also notice a large number of safety violations, that can be dangerous if they’re not corrected. So let’s get on it. I want those violations to be corrected within a four-month time period. The best ones to handle this is RL Risk Services, an excellent risk management firm. Let’s get on this. Regards, Bob The Next Step Most of us write specific types of documents more often than others. To become proficient at applying all the skills described in this book to the communications we produce most frequently, it’s good to master those types of documents. We’ll take a closer look at doing that in Step 10: Master the Documents You Use Most Often.