CASSANDRA BRUCE ENGL210-Peer-Review-Worksheet (4)

ENGL 210 Peer Review Worksheet Usage Guidelines: 1. Read the draft twice; once to create an overall impression; the second time to explore in detail. 2. Respond to Question 1 after the First Reading. Respond to the subsequent questions after the Second. Add lines if necessary. 3. Make appropriate remarks in the essay draft itself and attach both the marked file and this worksheet to the reply post. 4. Make at least one summary positive comment and one suggested general improvement in the body of the reply post. 5. The student whose essay is being discussed may ask questions (but should not get defensive); please be sure to reply. Peer Review: WRITER: Cassandra Bruce EDITOR: Deborah Boyanski AFTER THE FIRST READING: 1. Share you first impression. Describe the impact of the essay in general terms: its effectiveness, its persuasiveness, its scholarly presence. I think that you did a good job supporting the thesis. I believe that the theme of the story is suffering, and Sonny used music as a way to feel connected and to remove the feelings of hurt and to give him hope, as you indicated. AFTER THE SECOND READING: 2a. What is the essay claiming about the literary work(s)? What is its Thesis (not what is the subject but what is said about the subject)? Is the thesis explicitly stated in the essay? If you cannot identify it or it seems too broad or unfocused, say so here. Suggest a revision that narrows or focuses it. The thesis is clearly stated when the author stated that Sonny used music as a way to escape the suffering and as a way of feeling connected to others. The thesis is clearly stated and I would simply emphasize how Sonny used the music and how his brother came to realize why Sonny enjoyed the music. Both Sonny and his brother both feel trapped in Harlem. 2b. Does the Thesis answer the question(s) being addressed? Does it only summarize the plot? Suggest more effective approaches. What are the expectations created by the Thesis? Are they satisfied? If not, outline the neglected areas and suggest ways of incorporating them. I think that emphasizing how long Sonny and his brother have wanted to escape Harlem would help. As a child, Sonny wanted to join the Army just to escape the suffering and struggles in Harlem. This isn’t something new to this family and I think that would help get the point across about having music and drugs as an escape from the intolerable suffering that these men felt. 3. Is the paper organized in a clear, efficient, natural manner; that is, does the order of the discussion effectively present the support for the Thesis? Is there a clear beginning, middle, and end? And does it flow well? If not, suggest a superior arrangement. The paper is clear and does present support for the thesis. I would add in some more support for the thesis but other than that, it looks good. I would add in the parts about the father and uncle’s relationship, and the mother’s insistence for the narrator to be there for Sonny now, even though he hadn’t before. 4a. Does the support convince you of the validity of the Thesis? If not, what additional material would need to be added to do so? Yes the support convinces me about the validity of the thesis.