CHCCCS017 Topic 2

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UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING 47 Topic 2 In this topic you will learn how to: 2A Interact with individuals with empathy, sensitivity, professionalism and courtesy 2B Identify and respect social, cultural, ethnic and spiritual differences 2C Select and use verbal and nonverbal communication approaches that acknowledge the individual’s emotional needs Engage empathetically People who are grieving as a result of loss are emotionally vulnerable. It is important that you interact with them in a sensitive and respectful manner and take into account social, cultural, ethnic and spiritual differences that may influence how they respond to their loss. The most important support you can provide someone is to listen to them and acknowledge their loss. You should never tell a grieving person how they should feel or deal with their grief. Your ability to listen empathetically and communicate in an appropriate manner helps the grieving person to feel supported and to trust you to provide them with support they need.

48 UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING CHCCCS017 PROVIDE LOSS AND GRIEF SUPPORT 2A Interact with individuals with empathy, sensitivity, professionalism and courtesy A person who is living with loss often feels confused and disoriented. One of the most important things that you can do to help someone work through their loss and associated grief is to empathise with them and allow them to experience and express their feelings. It is only by experiencing and acknowledging their emotions that bereaved people are able to work towards acceptance. Saying things like, ‘You should try to pull yourself together now’ is not helpful. Always be prepared to listen without judgment. In doing so, you show respect for the person and acknowledge what they are experiencing. Some communication strategies for helping you interact with people living with loss are described below. Communication strategies that can help you interact with people coping with loss include: X empathetic listening X identifying and affirming the person’s strengths and opportunities X helping to manage overwhelming feelings and facilitating their coping styles X focusing on identifying immediate needs and concerns X facilitating informed choices X demonstrating unconditional positive regard X adopting a non-judgmental approach X responding in a genuine way. Professional courtesy All workers need to maintain professional courtesy to all individuals. This includes co-workers, people accessing the service and other contacts such as tradespeople. Courtesy is the showing of civility and respect to others in the way in which we interact and communicate with them. Here is a list of the most common forms of courtesy that needs to be part of the everyday activity in both home and working life. Common forms of courtesy that need to be part of everyday activity X Be respectful of all people X Appearances count – maintain a tidy, professional appearance X Be polite X Maintain an appropriate tone of voice and communicate in a professional manner X Be on time for work and appointments and notify others if you are running late X Do not gossip about others

UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING 49 TOPIC 2 ENGAGE EMPATHETICALLY X Always acknowledge other people in your presence X Assist in keeping common areas clean and tidy X Always use the correct name to address a person Use communication to respond to a person’s needs When working with grieving people, communicate in ways that respond to each person’s individual needs and within culturally appropriate boundaries. Grieving people often have needs such as those discussed here. Grieving people often need to: X feel safe and supported X have the significance of their loss recognised X be treated with empathy, sensitivity, respect and courtesy X feel comfortable about expressing their feelings X feel accepted and understood X have their individual circumstances taken into account X have their cultural needs respected X feel they can rely on you for accurate information X have their privacy and confidentiality maintained. Respond to a person’s needs There are several steps that you should take in your initial conversations with the person experiencing loss and grief. When you first meet or have contact with a person who is recently bereaved, make sure that you acknowledge their loss. A grieving person needs to feel that their loss is recognised and understood. Strategies for responding to a person’s needs are outlined below. Acknowledge the person’s loss When others avoid directly acknowledging what has happened, the grieving person may feel that the significance of their loss and the life of the deceased person are being minimised. Simply saying that you are sorry to hear of the death and making sure you use the deceased person’s name, shows the grieving person that you recognise their loss and want to acknowledge and be respectful of the person who died. Please note, however, that if you are supporting a person from an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander background it may not be appropriate to use the deceased’s name. Be genuine It is important to be genuine and sincere in the way you communicate with a grieving person. They will quickly recognise if you are just going through the motions of doing your job. Your sensitivity, empathy and professionalism can make a difference to whether they feel they can trust you and to how understood and supported they feel.

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50 UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING CHCCCS017 PROVIDE LOSS AND GRIEF SUPPORT Listen Allow the grieving person to talk about their loss and the person who has died. Should they not want to talk, respect their choice and make sure you are comfortable sitting with them in silence. Let the person take the lead in setting the pace, tone and content. Your main role is to listen and to be empathetic, accepting and non-judgmental. When appropriate, ask sensitive questions to explore particular issues they bring up or to clarify meaning. Use the empathetic listening and communication skills to encourage open expression. Accept pain Make sure you do not fall into the trap of trying to make a grieving person feel better or thinking that you need to cheer them up. Losing someone close is deeply painful and trying to prevent someone from feeling and expressing their pain denies the significance and depth of their loss and grief. You can help the grieving person manage overwhelming feelings by being accepting of all their emotions and encouraging them to express them. Be patient Do not expect the grieving person to manage their grief in any neat and predictable way. Grieving is a highly individual process, influenced by many different personal and circumstantial factors. Be aware that grieving people have good days and bad days. It is important that you take a flexible approach to how you offer support and that you recognise and respond to the grieving person’s changing needs. Empathetic listening It can be difficult to know what to say and how to support a person living with loss. Often just being with the person and showing a willingness to listen is more helpful to them than words of comfort. By listening and allowing the person to talk about their loss, you can help them accept their feelings and work through their loss. To listen in an empathetic way, focus on the words and needs of the speaker, try to see things from their perspective and be accepting of the person’s experience. For example, if someone says to you, ‘I feel as though I have lost my only friend,’ it would not be empathetic to say, ‘I’m sure you’ll make other friends in time’. Instead you might respond by saying, ‘You must have been very close’.

UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING 51 TOPIC 2 ENGAGE EMPATHETICALLY Identify and affirm the person’s strengths and opportunities The person who is living with loss, especially those who are also dealing with grief associated with trauma, often experience a loss of confidence in their own abilities and worry about how they will cope. Try to help the person think about how they have managed loss and difficult times in the past. Encourage them to re-establish their sense of direction and resilience. This is known as taking a strengths-based approach. By identifying and affirming a person’s strengths, you help them recognise and draw on their resources and opportunities. Opportunities may include sources of support and positive ways of dealing with their grief, such as going to a support group or using art to express their feelings. Help to manage overwhelming feelings and facilitate coping People experience difficult and overwhelming emotions when they are grieving. Feelings of guilt, anger, despair and fear are common. It is important to encourage the person to feel their emotions and find a way of expressing them. Trying to avoid or suppress feelings may only prolong the grieving process and lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse and other health problems. There are several strategies that you can use to help the bereaved person manage their emotions; some are outlined below. Accept all feelings X Allow the person to express anger, despair and sorrow without telling them what they should or should not be feeling. By being accepting of these feelings and allowing the person to express them without fear of judgment, argument or criticism, you help to normalise expressions of grief. Encourage the person to talk about their loss X If a person wants to talk about loss and their feelings, it is important that they have an opportunity to do so with a patient and empathetic listener. Many people need to find meaning in their loss and do this by telling and retelling what has happened. Repeating the story helps them process and come to terms with their loss. Be with the person X Some people may not want to talk and may not want you to talk. Being with the person means sharing a space with them and showing your support by sitting silently and offering comfort through your presence. Never press a person to talk about their loss or feelings before they are ready to do so.

52 UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING CHCCCS017 PROVIDE LOSS AND GRIEF SUPPORT Do not minimise a person’s sense of loss and grief X To heal, people need to acknowledge their pain and have it acknowledged by others. By telling them they will get over it in a few months or inferring that you know exactly how they are feeling, you risk trivialising what they are going through. Encourage the person to express their feelings X Encourage the person to express their feelings in a tangible or creative way that suits them. Sometimes doing something practical helps people process their feelings. Encourage the person to use a journal to write about what has happened or use art as a medium of expression. For example, ask them to make a scrapbook celebrating the deceased person’s life. Identify immediate needs and concerns A person who is grieving may be so overwhelmed by grief that they have difficulty thinking about daily living. They might find it difficult to ask for help or fear being a burden. You can make it easier for them by asking specific questions, such as, ‘Is there anyone you would like me to call?’ A bereaved person may need temporary support. Help the person to focus on specific issues by asking direct questions about how they are managing and arrange support for them when needed. Try to monitor the grieving person’s general state of physical and mental health. For example, if they appear to be having difficulty sleeping, you may need to ask what they are doing to address this issue and suggest going to the doctor. Areas of temporary support may include: X grocery shopping and preparing meals X answering the phone X looking after children or pets X making funeral arrangements X looking after their immediate needs. Positive regard, acceptance and genuine response Always adopt an attitude of unconditional positive regard towards the grieving person. This means being respectful and accepting of them without judgment, disapproval or approval. When you show unconditional positive regard, you allow the person to be who they are and validate their experience. You also need to ensure that your approach is non-judgmental and that your response is genuine, as outlined below. Adopting a non-judgmental approach X Adopting a non-judgmental approach means that you do not impose your ideas, beliefs and values on someone else In the same way, you should accept that everybody has their own ways of grieving; For example, some people like to celebrate a deceased person’s life by telling jokes about them, whereas others may see this as disrespectful.

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UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING 53 TOPIC 2 ENGAGE EMPATHETICALLY Responding in a genuine way X Responding to the grieving person in a genuine way involves being sincere. You should not fake concern for their wellbeing or try to be supportive of someone when you are not really interested in doing so. If a person feels that you are not genuine, they will find it difficult to trust and feel comfortable with you. X One of the ways you can respond in a genuine manner is to ensure your body language matches what you are saying and thinking. Example Interact with individuals with empathy, sensitivity, professionalism and courtesy Mailia is a youth worker. Recently, one of the young men using her service died of a drug overdose. A number of other young people who access the service are deeply affected by his death. Some of them are experiencing emotions that they are having difficulty coping with. Mailia responds to each individual, as well as supporting the group as a whole. She encourages the young people to support one another and express their grief in a safe environment to normalise what they are experiencing. She listens to them in an empathetic way without judging them and asks individuals what they have done in the past to cope with difficult situations. This helps them to recognise their own strengths and to think about how they can move forward. Each person learns something from the others’ responses. She provides information to help educate them about grief and provide them with options and choices for getting further help. Mailia is genuine in her desire to help the young people and demonstrates this by maintaining consistency between her verbal and nonverbal communication. She helps each individual determine how they can best move forward and encourages them to find ways of coping with their grief; for example, through art, journaling and looking after their health.

54 UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING CHCCCS017 PROVIDE LOSS AND GRIEF SUPPORT Practice task 5 1. List five common ways to demonstrate courtesy in the workplace. 2. Explain how to listen empathetically. 3. Explain what a non-judgemental approach is. Click to complete Practice task 5

UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING 55 TOPIC 2 ENGAGE EMPATHETICALLY 2B Identify and respect social, cultural, ethnic and spiritual differences In your work, you need to be able to identify and respect social, cultural, ethnic and spiritual differences that may affect grief and bereavement responses. Knowledge of these differences helps you to provide relevant and effective support. It is also important to realise that differences associated with loss and grief are not only based on cultural, ethnic or religious differences. Among individuals and families there may also be social differences in coping styles and preferences about mourning rituals; for example, whether the deceased is cremated or buried, how the service is conducted and whether children attend a funeral. Identifying and respecting differences requires you to: X respond positively to differences that exist between people X provide socially and culturally appropriate support X respect the person’s rights X build rapport and trust X communicate effectively X identify problems in grieving and assist the person to obtain appropriate help. Understand legislation All support workers should be familiar with the cultures of the people they care for and the people they work with, so they can respond positively to differences that exist between people, respect people’s rights, communicate effectively and build a good working relationship with others. Legislations and standards help workers achieve this. In Australia and throughout the world, it is illegal to discriminate against people for many reasons, including based on a person’s culture. There are international and Australian laws that ensure all people are treated equally and all cultures are respected. Each state and territory has their own anti-discrimination laws (for example, the Racial and Religious Tolerance Act 2001 (Vic)); relevant national legislation includes the following: X Australian Human Rights Commission Act 1986 (Cth) http://aspirelr.link/aus-human-rights-commission-act X Disability Discrimination Act 1992 (Cth) http://aspirelr.link/disability-discrimination-act X Sex Discrimination Act 1984 (Cth) http://aspirelr.link/sex-discrimination-act X Racial Discrimination Act 1975 (Cth) http://aspirelr.link/racial-discrimination-act

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56 UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING CHCCCS017 PROVIDE LOSS AND GRIEF SUPPORT Different aspects of cultural diversity The different aspects of cultural diversity are explained below, with some suggestions for how to show respect for them in your work. Race ‘Race’ refers to a group of people who have similar features such as skin colour, type of hair, eye colour and other physical features. Treat everyone equally regardless of the colour of their skin or where they are from. Ethnic group Ethnic groups have interests, history and cultural features (e.g. language, religion and interaction norms) in common. Many countries have a predominant ethnic group, plus a number of minority ethnic groups; in Italy, for example, the Italian ethnic group predominates, but there are also Jewish, Albanian and Ethiopian groups. Be aware of a person’s ethnic group so you can understand and talk with them about their culture, and avoid stereotyping them. Language Language is a very important part of a culture. Some common languages spoken in Australia are English, Italian, Greek, Spanish, Cantonese, Arabic, Vietnamese, Croatian, Macedonian, Turkish, Serbian and Hindi. Around 60,000 people in Australia speak an Australian Indigenous language. If possible, arrange for someone who speaks a person’s first language to come to talk with them. Religion Religion is the belief in a superhuman or supernatural power, such as a god, that has divine control over human life. Religions include Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Shinto and Sikhism. Understand how different religions influence the way people do things like eating, dressing, praying, celebrating, honouring the dead and providing health care. Spirituality Many people have spiritual beliefs that are not based on a formal religion. These beliefs affect the type of food people eat, the way they treat animals and the way they live their lives. You must respect other people’s spiritual beliefs. See if a member or leader of the relevant spiritual group can visit a person who is unable to attend spiritual gatherings.

UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING 57 TOPIC 2 ENGAGE EMPATHETICALLY Cultural values People value many things about their culture, including their language, food, religious practice, sport and family life. Different cultures have different values that are usually based on tradition. You can build good relationships with people by learning about the things they value in their culture; for example, food and dress choices. Do this by talking to them or looking at photo albums with them. Ceremonies and festivals In most cultures, festivals and celebrations – like Chinese New Year, Easter, Anzac Day, Hanukkah and Greek National Days – are very important. Learning about different cultural beliefs and customs can make the workplace interesting and fun. Encourage the person to maintain their traditions by celebrating special days. Dress The way people dress may be influenced by their religion or culture. Some people only want to dress the way they have always dressed. Respect people’s choice of dress and encourage others to do the same. Be aware of your role in dealing with unwanted or derogatory comments about dress or appearance. Family structure In many cultures, the male is the head of the home and is responsible for the family. In other cultures, the grandmother or mother is the matriarch (the female head of a tribe or family). Be aware of which family member you need to contact about a person, but ensure you don’t breach Australian laws and service standards. You may need to respectfully assert a person’s right to direct their own care. Gender and sexuality A person’s gender is generally defined as male or female. Australia promotes equality between the sexes, whereas some cultures uphold traditional roles (e.g. women’s husbands may be chosen for them). Attitudes to sexual preferences also vary: some cultures forbid homosexuality. Understand that a person may be embarrassed about their sexuality or may treat you in a certain way because of your gender. Ensure you show respect for their values but are also clear about what behaviour is acceptable and what is not. Attitude to the elderly In some cultures, especially Asian cultures, older people are particularly valued for their knowledge and age. Treat all older people with respect. This may involve being patient and tailoring your communication to suit the individual.

58 UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING CHCCCS017 PROVIDE LOSS AND GRIEF SUPPORT Disability In some cultures, people with disabilities may be placed in special homes; in some poor countries, people with disabilities may be sent out to beg. Other cultures include people with disabilities in everyday life. It is against the law in Australia to discriminate against people with disabilities. Help people with disabilities retain their dignity and independence by providing them with care and support according to your role and their care plan. Ensure people with disabilities are aware of their rights. Identify and respect differences How to demonstrate respect for various differences in behaviour from people who are bereaved is explained below. Culture and ethnicity X Culture is a shared and learnt system of values, beliefs and attitudes that shapes and influences an individual’s perception and behaviour. Ethnic groups have interests, history and cultural features in common. Cultural features include language, religion and the way people interact with each other. Australia is inhabited by people of many different ethnic groups. X Be aware of a person’s cultural background and how this may impact their response to grief and loss, but do not assume that someone who comes from a particular country has the same religious beliefs and practices surrounding death as others from that country. Language X Language is the way people communicate with each other and is a very important part of a culture. In a situation of grief and trauma, people may draw comfort from being able to speak in their own language. X When working with bereaved people who do not speak English as their first language, ensure you provide them with relevant information in their own language and use interpreters to exchange information if appropriate. Religion and spirituality X Religious and spiritual traditions offer people hope and solace in the face of loss and grief. This may be through belief in an afterlife or support from the community. X Always be respectful of others’ religious and/or spiritual beliefs, even though they may be different from your own. Family structure and gender roles X In Australia, family structures and roles are constantly evolving. However, it is important to be aware that some cultural and ethnic groups still maintain very traditional structures where there are clearly defined roles. X Be respectful of different family structures and roles in families; for example, in some cultures women do not attend burials. They may participate in prayers but not go to the grave site.

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UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING 59 TOPIC 2 ENGAGE EMPATHETICALLY Customs and rituals X Customs and rituals surrounding death and bereavement differ according to religious or spiritual beliefs, culture and ethnicity. X Learn about and be accepting of the rituals and customs surrounding death and mourning that other cultural and religious groups follow. Never assume that just because people are living in Australia they will abandon traditions and customs from other cultures. Disability and special needs X Sometimes the person with disabilities, especially intellectual disability or mental illness, are not included in activities surrounding the death of a loved one because others feel that it will upset them too much or that they are not capable of comprehending what has happened. X Ensure that you acknowledge the loss and grief that people with disabilities and special needs feel, and provide them with opportunities to express their grief. Research differences Helping people deal with loss and grief involves showing respect for their individual needs and cultural traditions. Sometimes you may not be sure what beliefs and customs the person and their families follow regarding death and mourning. You may need to conduct some research about the customs of a particular cultural, ethnic or religious group. You can do this by using the internet, consulting with people who represent different cultural, ethnic and religious groups, and asking the person or family directly. The following are some questions to consider when researching differences between customs and beliefs related to death. Questions to consider relating to customs and beliefs about death X What is considered an appropriate emotional expression of loss and how is it integrated into ongoing life? X What religious or spiritual beliefs does the group hold about what happens after death? X What are the religious or cultural rituals associated with death? For example, what funeral services and mourning rituals are undertaken? X Are there any specific gender roles associated with mourning rituals? X How is it best to communicate with bereaved people? For example, are there any taboos, such as using the deceased person’s name? X Are all family members included in the mourning rituals? For example, are children, the very old or people with specific disabilities included? X Is there any stigma attached to specific types of death, such as suicide? X What kinds of support and comfort are considered acceptable? For example, is touching appropriate?

60 UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING CHCCCS017 PROVIDE LOSS AND GRIEF SUPPORT Cross-cultural communication It is important that you communicate in a culturally sensitive way when identifying the needs of the grieving person from different cultural background. You cannot be expected to know all the different traditions of people from culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) backgrounds, so one of the first things you should do is ask the person if there are any particular cultural customs and practices that should be observed after a death. Be aware that different cultures have specific approaches to communication and interaction. Try to learn something about different practices before you meet with the person, or carefully observe their behaviour and respond appropriately. Some differences in communication and interactions between different cultures are discussed below. Differences in communication and interaction may include: X how people greet and part from one another X how respect or deference is shown to older people or those in authority X how much direct eye contact is used when interacting X how touch is used and between whom X how people use gestures X whether people are comfortable with silence. Cross-cultural communication skills The following tips outline some general cross-cultural communication skills. When communicating with someone from another culture ensure you: X speak clearly and in a way that is easily understandable X do not speak loudly or in an exaggerated way X do not do all the talking; listen to the person and respond to them when appropriate X avoid double questions, such as, ‘Would you like help with organising the funeral or are you okay with that?’, as this can be confusing X give encouragement to those with limited English, as this can help them to trust and feel confident in you X check that you have understood what a person has said to avoid misunderstandings and confusion; use paraphrasing and summarising X avoid using slang, as even the person who speaks English well may not have a complete knowledge of local phrases and sayings X are aware of different communication protocols in other cultures X back up verbal information about their support options with relevant written information X arrange to have an interpreter present whenever necessary.

UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING 61 TOPIC 2 ENGAGE EMPATHETICALLY Family responses to grief Most families have customs or unspoken rules that all members of the family are expected to follow. These often affect the way members express emotions and deal with emotionally difficult situations. You need to take into consideration the following when working with families. Influencing factors X Family responses to grief and loss are influenced by a number of factors, including their: − cultural background, religious or spiritual beliefs − family norms − relationships within the family − levels of support. Different responses for different families X Family responses to grief may be open and expressive, with members being supportive of one another, or they may be reserved and subdued, with each family member being left to cope in their own way. It is also important to recognise that there may be different needs within families; one family member may require more support than others. Do not make assumptions X Do not assume that one method is better than another or that you can help people from inexpressive families to feel better by insisting they talk about and openly grieve their losses. Expectations of this kind may increase the emotional burden they are trying to deal with. Example Identify and respect social, cultural, ethnic and spiritual differences Tuyet is a person accessing the services of HACC service through her local council. She has cerebral palsy, and needs help with some personal care and home-based tasks, as well as community access support. Maggie is the worker who spends the most time with Tuyet. Maggie notices that Tuyet appears very fearful sometimes when they are out shopping. This is most apparent when there are groups of men in the vicinity, as Tuyet is jumpy and constantly looks over her shoulder. She walks close to Maggie in the shops and often puts her hand on Maggie’s arm for reassurance. Maggie knows Tuyet lost some members of her family to violence in her home country before moving to Australia, but she is unsure whether Tuyet herself experienced the violence or trauma. Rather than approach Tuyet directly, Maggie talks to her supervisor, who then works a shift with Maggie and Tuyet. The supervisor tactfully suggests to Tuyet that there are many support services available to help people who have had difficulties in their home countries. Tuyet decides to let the supervisor refer her to a counselling and support service designed to help people who have been victims of torture, trauma and violence.

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62 UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING CHCCCS017 PROVIDE LOSS AND GRIEF SUPPORT Practice task 6 1. List two factors that influence and impact on the family response to grief. 2. Explain how an ethnic group is defined. 3. Identify three values that are fundamental to culture. Click to complete Practice task 6

UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING 63 TOPIC 2 ENGAGE EMPATHETICALLY 2C Select and use verbal and nonverbal communication approaches that acknowledge the individual’s emotional needs When dealing with and responding to people who are grieving, you need to use both verbal and nonverbal communication skills. Good communication skills enable you to exchange information and build relationships with the person. It is important to be aware of culturally appropriate boundaries and the differences in the ways people communicate to avoid causing offence. Deal with and respond to the grieving person Always speak to a grieving person in a calm, clear manner to help them understand and respond to what you are saying. The following are some examples of good practice techniques when communicating with someone who is grieving. When verbally communicating with a person who is grieving: X use empathetic listening skills X apply appropriate communication techniques X provide information clearly and sensitively X obtain feedback to confirm their understanding and yours. Apply appropriate communication techniques As discussed, when supporting someone who is experiencing grief and or trauma it is important that you empathise with their situation. This means trying to see things from their perspective and acknowledging their thoughts and feelings. You should have an understanding of and be able to apply basic communication techniques to gain insight into the individual needs of the person Basic communication techniques include the following: X Active listening – let the person know you are interested in what they are saying. X Behaving attentively – give the person your full attention. X Showing empathy – try to develop a rapport with the person by looking at the situation from their perspective and letting them know you care. X Listening reflectively – identify the person’s feelings and respond in a way that promotes and encourages further feedback. X Paraphrasing – repeat in your own words what the person has said to ensure you understand what has been conveyed to you. X Summarising – attempt to understand all of the information that has been conveyed to you. X Questioning – obtain the information required to identify the person’s needs and to provide the appropriate quality of care.

64 UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING CHCCCS017 PROVIDE LOSS AND GRIEF SUPPORT Communication guidance The following are some further tips for communicating with grieving individuals. Tips for communicating with the grieving person X Don’t be impatient. Give the person time to gather their thoughts and express themselves. X Don’t discourage the person from going over and over what happened. This can help them make sense of their loss. X Spend time establishing rapport and developing a trusting relationship. X If you are unsure about something or need clarification, always ask. X Ask concrete questions to establish areas of individual need, such as, ‘Do you need someone to stay with you tonight? X Never make assumptions. X Remember that not all people from a given culture or ethnic group hold the same beliefs, values or experiences. X Each person is an individual with individual needs, regardless of their culture. Provide information clearly and sensitively In many cases, as well as providing comfort, you need to provide the grieving person with information. The information you give them may include options for obtaining support, such as self-help groups, professional counsellors and other relevant service providers. It is important to provide this information in a clear and sensitive way. To provide information clearly and sensitively, ensure the following: X Be selective and clear about what information you give to the person so they do not feel overwhelmed by a large amount of written information. X Suggest they have a friend or family member present who can help them go through the information. X Limit verbal information; many bereaved find it difficult to concentrate and it can be stressful to have to listen to someone talking at them. X Do not bombard grieving individuals with information or things they need to do. X Give the person from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds information in formats they can understand. X Provide information in a language other than English or organise to have an interpreter present if required. Obtain feedback to confirm understanding It is important to check that the grieving person understands what you are telling them. To do this you may need to pause from time to time and ask, ‘Is that clear?’ or ‘Is this the type of service you might be interested in?’ Sometimes, you may need to follow up on information you gave a person at an earlier date; for example, you might say, ‘Last week we talked about the local bereavement support group and you said you’d like to attend some meetings. Are you feeling ready to do that now?’

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UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING 65 TOPIC 2 ENGAGE EMPATHETICALLY Nonverbal communication with the grieving person Nonverbal communication refers to the gestures, facial expressions, amount of eye contact and personal space you use when communicating. It is important to use nonverbal communication that supports what you say verbally. This helps ensure that the person is not confused by your message. For example, if you are listening to a grieving person, do not yawn or stare out the window, as this sends a powerful message that you are not interested in them or what they are saying. Always be aware of the messages that nonverbal communication may convey to the person. The following outlines the use of body language. Gestures Gestures are movements of the hands and arms, including gesticulating and touching. When you are working with grieving people, avoid overusing movements of the hands and arms so as to appear calm. Touch is often used to express comfort. Something simple like holding someone’s hand or giving a gentle touch on the arm can show care and empathy. Always keep in mind, however, that some people do not like being touched. You need to use your judgment to determine whether or not it is appropriate to touch someone. Cultural differences A person’s cultural background can provide clues about whether they may be comforted using touch. For example, people from Latin cultures such as Italians, Spaniards and South Americans often use touch a lot, whereas many Asian people prefer to restrict the use of touch to family or other close personal relationships. Religion also plays a role in whether touch is acceptable. For example, touching a Buddhist person on the head is considered offensive. In some cultures it is considered inappropriate for males and females who are unrelated to touch. Expressions and contact Your facial expressions should match what you are saying. A gentle smile is appropriate, but you should generally avoid laughter or other expressions of joy when working with someone who is experiencing great sadness. Eyes are very important for nonverbal communication. In most cases, try to maintain eye contact, but do not stare. However, be aware that in some cultures, such as some Aboriginal groups, direct eye contact may be considered threatening. Personal space Be careful to maintain an appropriate amount of space when interacting with the grieving person. Some people like to stand or sit very close to others, but others prefer a greater distance. You can usually judge a person’s personal space requirements by how they react. If you are too close to someone they may take a step back. Respect the distance that they appear to be comfortable with. Nonverbal communication People can give the wrong impression when they are communicating. Unintentional facial expressions can conflict with the verbal message you are communicating. If you cross your arms, you may be unintentionally communicating that you feel defensive.

66 UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING CHCCCS017 PROVIDE LOSS AND GRIEF SUPPORT Paying attention to all aspects of communication is essential when you are establishing a relationship with someone you support, or a colleague. If you are handling a difficult situation, your body language could make the situation worse. Your tone of voice, choice of words, facial expressions and gestures are all very important when communicating. Below is a list of nonverbal communication considerations. Nonverbal communication to consider Your tone of voice and whether it is pleasant, friendly, annoyed or angry. The volume of your voice and whether it is loud or soft. The pace of your voice and whether it is fast or slow. Your body language and whether you are nodding your head in agreement or pointing your finger. Your facial expressions, such as whether you are smiling or frowning. Apply empathetic listening skills In your work with the grieving person, displaying empathy means being able to identify with a person’s feelings and experiences. It is not necessary to agree with the person, but you should try to understand their point of view. It is important that empathy is genuine and expressed in a way that is meaningful to the person you are communicating with. Some ways that applying empathetic listening can help when working with a grieving person are shown below. Applying empathetic listening skills helps to: X show support and compassion X build rapport, respect and trust X validate what the person is feeling X support the person to express their concerns and emotions. Empathetic skills and their applications Listening in an empathetic way helps you understand a person’s circumstances and the context of their grief. The context of a loss may influence the way a person responds to loss and grief. Factors to take into account include socioeconomic circumstances, level of support, whether the death was expected, family relationships and the age and health of the deceased (including their mental health). The following outlines some empathetic listening skills you can apply when dealing with the grieving person. Active listening and observing the person Active listening involves listening with your full attention, focusing on understanding what the person is saying and what concerns they have. Observing the person and listening carefully to them can help you determine whether higher levels of support are required; for example, if a person shows signs of depression, you can refer them to an appropriate mental health professional.

UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING 67 TOPIC 2 ENGAGE EMPATHETICALLY Adapting Always adapt the way you communicate to suit individual differences (including cultural differences). For example, in some Asian cultures it is considered rude to ask questions, especially questions about feelings or of a personal nature. If you need to ask questions, do so in a tactful way and make sure the person does not perceive your questions as an invasion of privacy. Open questions Open questions require the person to give more than a yes or no answer; for example, ‘You said that you’re feeling depressed. Can you tell me more about how you’re feeling?’ Open questions are useful for gathering information. Do not bombard a grieving person with questions as this may overwhelm them. Closed questions Closed questions can be answered with a yes or no; for example, ‘Have you spoken to your doctor about the difficulty you’re having sleeping?’ Closed questions are useful for obtaining brief, direct answers that can lead to further questions. Only ask necessary questions to clarify meaning and show support. Avoid being intrusive. Encouragers Encouragers are brief phrases or nonverbal cues such as nods that encourage the grieving person to relate their story and concerns without interruption. Verbal encouragers are words like, ‘Go on’, ‘I see’ or ‘uh huh’. Paraphrasing Paraphrasing involves restating what the person has said to confirm that you understand. This can also be used to draw attention to a particular concern; for example, ‘So, you’re saying that you don’t think your life will ever get back to normal?’ Reflecting Reflecting a person’s feelings and thoughts helps them to clarify, acknowledge and examine them; for example, ‘So, you’re saying that still really missing Jim but you know that at some stage you need to get out among people again’. Summarising Summarising involves restating what a person has said over a period of time. It is a useful way of ending a conversation on a positive note and ensuring that you have understood what the person has told you. Use appropriate closing statements at the end of the interview to summarise what has been said and to agree on ongoing support.

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68 UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING CHCCCS017 PROVIDE LOSS AND GRIEF SUPPORT What to avoid Avoid the following when listening empathetically: X Being critical or judgmental X Offering unsolicited advice X Offering superficial comforting statements such as, ‘You’ll feel better in a few months’ X Steering the person away from what they want to talk about Questions Avoid questions and statements like the following, as they show a lack of empathy. X ‘Isn’t it time you got over it and moved on with your life?’ (There is no specific time frame for grieving.) X ‘I know how you feel.’ (You should never assume you know what someone else is feeling or experiencing.) X ‘Jill is in God’s care now.’ (The grieving person may not believe in God and be offended that you expect them to.) X ‘You’ll meet someone else.’ (This may be meant as comforting, but it is tactless and inappropriate when someone is grieving.) Example Select and use verbal and nonverbal communication approaches that acknowledge the individual’s emotional needs Tom is in his late 80s. Like many men of his generation, he is self-reliant and does not like to display his emotions or talk about his feelings. He grew up in the country, fought in World War II and has worked hard all his life. When his wife, Peg, dies, he deals with her death by keeping busy. Kirsty, a community aged care worker, visits Tom soon after Peg’s death, and realises he is devastated, but won’t show it. She can tell from his posture and general demeanour that it would be inappropriate to touch him or to try and coax him to talk about his feelings. She decides to just make a simple statement acknowledging Peg’s death and then to provide Tom with information about ongoing support options. She thinks this will be more helpful to him than embarrassing him by dwelling on his loss. She tells Tom that she is very sorry to hear about his wife’s death and that she is here to talk about any practical support she and her organisation can provide. Tom nods, not looking her in the eye. Kirsty then says, ‘Tom, do you think we could have a cup of tea while we sit down and go though some of the information I’ve brought?’ Tom agrees, and is pleased that Kirsty seems like a practical person who is not going to make a fuss.

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UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING 69 TOPIC 2 ENGAGE EMPATHETICALLY Practice task 7 1. List and explain three appropriate basic communication techniques and skills when working with a grieving person. 2. Explain nonverbal communication is, and give two examples of nonverbal communication and how a support worker would use this with a grieving person. 3. Explain how paraphrasing can assist the process of communication with a person who is grieving. Click to complete Practice task 7

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70 UNIT RELEASE 1 (ASPIRE VERSION 1.3) © ASPIRE TRAINING & CONSULTING CHCCCS017 PROVIDE LOSS AND GRIEF SUPPORT Summary 1. When dealing with and responding to clients who are grieving, you need to use both verbal and nonverbal communication skills. It is important to be aware of cultural differences in the way clients communicate so you do not cause offence. 2. Empathetic listening involves listening attentively and being accepting of a client’s experiences and perspectives. Focus on the words and needs of the client and try to see things from their perspective. 3. Applying empathetic listening skills helps to show support and compassion towards the grieving client. These skills are also useful in building rapport, respect and trust, validating what the client is feeling and supporting the client to express their concerns and emotions. 4. Grieving clients are emotionally vulnerable. It is important that you interact with them in a sensitive and respectful manner. Try to take into account social, cultural, ethnic and spiritual differences that may affect grief and bereavement responses. 5. Empathise with grieving clients and allow them to experience their feelings. It is only by experiencing and acknowledging their anger or sadness that grieving clients are able to process their feelings and work towards acceptance. 6. When you are not sure of cultural, ethnic, social and spiritual differences that a client may have in regard to grief and bereavement, research their customs and rituals. To do this, use the Internet, consult with clients who represent different cultural, ethnic or religious groups or ask the individual or family directly.

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CHCCCS017 Topic 2

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