Getting Outside my Moral Matrix_MARIACHRISTIANSEN

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Getting Outside my Moral Matrix Maria J Christiansen Department of Home and Family, Brigham Young University Idaho FAML 460: Child and Family Advocacy David Petermann 05/06/2023

2 Getting Outside my Moral Matrix When we talk about individuals who consider themselves to be of a liberal, conservative, libertarian, moderate or other ideology, we only think about the position they occupy or will occupy in society, but not about the characteristics and thoughts of those who identify themselves as such. This document will provide the reader with an idea of the individual and his perspectives, in terms of his ideology and what led them to take those positions. Paul Christiansen (my husband) is a 31-year-old Christian, raised in a small town in the state of Wyoming, where the entire population consisted of 250 people and 98% of them were LDS. Paul is a defender at all costs of good customs, the constitution, and the restored gospel. I remember having a conversation with him about sex education, abortion, politics and other topics of interest and social controversy in which he called himself a conservative. He accepted my invitation to a personal interview. However, it has been a bit difficult to decide to interview him due to the controversy of our conversations that usually end in personal resentments, since despite me and he are faithful members of our Church we have absolutely different points of view with strong valid arguments for each one of us based on our beliefs, personal experiences and foundations infused in our upbringing and society in which we grew up. Fortunately, I see this interview as an opportunity to understand his point of view and why he finds himself in a position that often seems extreme to my feeling since I describe myself as a 60% liberal and 40% conservative personality. In our interview our moral trigger was the “Sexual Education for children in the school;” especially from 4th grade onwards. Moral Triggers

3 Paul was born and raised in a family with a simple lifestyle and conservative ideology inherited for generations. Most of the conversations that brought out his conservative side were associated with gospel issues and the libertarian policies that the Government was adopting little by little to give more freedom and autonomy to the inhabitants of the US. For him and his family it was not important to include government policies or changes in education in the family discussion topics since in the town where they lived everyone had a life associated with LDS standards. It was not until after he returned from his mission when he went to the University and moved to another city that he began to assimilate the changes in the laws that according to his belief "affected the integrity of children", these changes included the implementation of more sexual education specified in elementary school. This was undoubtedly threatening their beliefs, customs, lifestyle standards and family future as concerns arose about what their children could learn when they will be in school age. Having grown up in a family where divine laws and religious principles emanating from the Bible were strictly saw, for the teaching of any subject. Paul remembers having a conversation with his father about sexuality, but he does not remember what they talked about; however he has the memory of his very present emotions, fear, discomfort, and shame; "I had this feeling of not wanting to be there," Paul said. He surprisingly claimed that he already knew quite a bit about these subjects since "the guys in the lab" used the computers to watch pornographic videos. At first, he had no idea what that meant; however his curiosity grew and his desire to explore did too. The feelings expressed at the time of the interview were sadness, remorse, shame and guilt, since he had had a difficult start to sexuality; the same one that tormented him for years. In my opinion, this could have occurred due to not receiving sexual education at home and at school on time and in a more spontaneous way. This made him go

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4 through many adversities in his teens. “I repented and prayed every day to Heavenly Father for guidance and inspiration and he helped me through this painful episode in my life at all times, however I had to suffer the consequences later losing my entire life as people to People around me were not ready to accept my weaknesses and help me overcome them, I confessed that I had been through it and that I was still struggling to overcome it, but the weight of all those years came suddenly and I was left without a family, I only had my Heavenly Father with me, he knew, he knew me". Paul learned that there is no other way to keep social order but by following the conservative guidelines that defend traditions, religion and good customs and the constitution itself, which is why he defines himself as a conservative. In his interview Paul described foundations of Care/harm, Sanctity/degradation, and Loyalty/Betrayal in his life. At the time I agreed with his point of view as I understood that the point, he wanted to make was that open sex education in schools could lead children to trigger early sexual curiosity and desires by pushing them towards pornography. I would suggest that his ideological leanings are based on Care/Harm and Loyalty/Betrayal foundations, because he referred to the original triggers to raise your children "right" and keep them safe from danger more than any other trigger and the suffering for the abandonment of his family when he needed their support the most (anger for betrayal). I was raised by an adoptive family, who supported free will in all life situations and with strong political beliefs. My mother left me there and left. No one ever talked to me about my body parts or sexuality. As I can remember I had been sexually abused since I was 4 years old by 5 different people. I grew up thinking that sex was something normal and that I should never talk about it to anyone "it was the secret that I couldn't tell anyone". I studied in a Catholic private school and when I got to the 2nd grade, I was 7 years old, and they began to teach me sexual

5 education and then I realized that everything that had happened to me was wrong. Of course, the images were not so specific, and they did not show me videos of people having sex like they do in some schools now, but they did teach me to take care of myself and set limits in case something happened. I never reported these cases, I just decided to get ahead and as soon as I turned 18, I left that house and sought to rebuild my life away from all that tragedy. My sensations and feelings when sharing these experiences with my husband were anger, pain, nausea, resentment, and guilt. That is the reason, at least in matters of sexual education, I am the first person to agree. In fact, since my daughter began to speak, I always taught her the names of her reproductive organs and private parts and that she should never let anyone I would touch her This makes me wish that all children know how to set limits from an early age, that they learn to know the correct name for their private parts and talk freely with their parents, guardians or school teachers about what happens in their sexual life and then if someone He asks me about my ideology... Yes, I am liberal since from my experience I agree that children learn sexual education at an early age (I do not approve of the method, but I do approve of the intention). I am a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and knowing that the Savior Jesus Christ lives has helped me want to constantly overcome my afflictions, I met the Church at the age of 4 and when I came home I felt that I was coming home with my true family, I will never be against the teachings of Jesus Christ, however we have free will and I believe that it is our responsibility to prepare our children since the evil one is attacking our children too. At this point, my husband understood my point of view and regretted what happened. After reflecting on my triggers and moral foundations, I noticed that the triggers that define my ideologies are care/harm, loyalty/betrayal, authority/subversion, sanctity/degradation. My triggers for care/damage are when I perceive that a person (especially children) is being

6 harmed or exploited. The loyalty/betrayal triggers arise out of anger at the betrayal I received from those I loved and who were supposed to take care of me. The triggers of the authority/subversion base are presented in my emotions of terror that I feel when I think that someone is living what I lived and the punishment that must be served by the law for those who decide to do sexual harm to children, women, men and elders and finally the sanctity/degradation trigger that is based on my belief that we are children of God and that we should not harm each other and the repugnance I feel knowing that breaking the law of chastity can sink so low. As members of a liberal society we have options and opportunities to grow and this has given me the opportunity to be a modern mom and prepare my daughter to know that her body can be seen as a sexual object in the eyes of some despicable beings and that she must know that her body is a temple that she has to take care of perverted people. As a mother, my responsibility is to defend the freedom of my family within society, and I passionately believe that following the family model that the Lord teaches us in the scriptures and the Family Proclamation we can achieve the freedoms we need without turning blind or deaf. before these things that are happening in the world. Conservative and Libertarian Differences This interview seemed short and lasted around 3 hours due to our views on this highly controversial topic. I realized that while we had differences in the way things were being done, we also had many similarities. For example, in this topic about sexual education in schools at an early age, there was a moment in the discussion when he noted the importance of children being able to learn about their bodies to prevent sexual abuse from becoming normal in a child's life. Due to ignorance (like the example I gave you about my life, which undoubtedly occurs daily in various families around the

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7 world), that was something we had in common. On the other hand, I also agreed that the materials currently used by various programs are too specific and that they endangered our children since they were encouraging them to self-exploration of their bodies and even taught them how to do it in such a way that they were easy prey for masturbation and pornography. I remember when I was in Junior High my sex education teacher invited us to masturbate and feel like we do not need anyone to be happy...lol!! "That's a selfish"- I thought- "How can I not need my husband to feel complete?" “How could I have the joy of being a mother and feel as one without my husband?” Those were strong similarities between our views. Lessons Learned I will say that at first, I thought what came out of the theory of Moral Foundations meant, however with this interview I was able to reflect on its true meaning. I made a post on my Facebook status asking people to be for and against early childhood sex education, politics, and abortion but only one person responded to talk against abortion (pro-life), but their position was partial since he believed that on occasions "it was necessary". She considered herself liberal because of this but she also recognized that at times her point of view could sound a bit selfish, so she was reminded of Church manuals that focus on the teachings of Jesus Christ. In short, she and I this time think the same way, that is why she is my best friend. Because of this, the wonderful idea of starting this exercise in my home arose, since this could help us see that we are not on different pages when it comes to defending the integrity of our family. The purpose was the same, but the path and methods were different. Note that most people "follow ideals" without foundation because if they did, they would reach the same end or purpose. I was thinking at this moment about being resilient with our neighbors since they all have different ideologies due to traumas left by their past experiences. I am happy that we were able to understand each other

8 without getting emotional on the verge of getting angry, this was a very productive talk where we understood each other and we believe that at some point we can get to work on the same thing by adjusting some ways that do not make us feel out of our comfort zone and that benefit both.

Getting Outside my Moral Matrix_MARIACHRISTIANSEN

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