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1 Student’s Name Institutional Affiliation Course Title Instructor Date of Submission

2 Abstract This essay discusses married couple, Brenda and Steve who decided to start a couple counseling since they are having some issues in their marriage and would want to settle their differences and live happily together. Brenda and Steve are determined to save their marriage and separating is not in their options. Using both Gottman and Imago Relationship Therapy theories, I hope that Brenda and Steve will be able to work to restore love in their relationship, improve their communication and achieve their marriage goals, and safeguard their marriage and companionship. The Gottman Approach is a marriage counseling strategy that incorporates a comprehensive examination of the relationship between the partners as well as research-based therapies. Gottman Method Couples Therapy seeks to neutralize antagonistic verbal interactions, promote intimacy, reverence, & love, eliminate obstacles that produce a feeling of stagnation, and foster an increased level of compassion and comprehension inside the framework of the partnership. On the other hand, Imago therapy, also known as Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT), is a type of couple therapy that helps disagreements in couples create chances for mending & progress. The phrase imago comes from the Latin word for "image," while in the setting of IRT, it alludes to an "oblivious representation of intimate love." Background of Brenda and Steve Brenda and Steve have been in marriage for ten years and they have two children, 5 and 7 years old. Steve works for a technology company as a VP of sales while Brenda has been staying at home since she birthed their first child. The couple resides in a beautiful neighborhood in a certain suburb in California. Both Brenda and Steve went to the same university where they met, dated, and started living together after Steve was allowed into graduate school. The couple got married a year later

3 after Steve graduated with his MBA. Brenda's vulnerability and acceptance are what Steve admired the most. He always described Brenda as a free spirit. He admired her honesty and spontaneity. As for Brenda, he loved Steve's intelligence and his humor. She Always felt protected by him and knew she could rely on him any day any time. Their relationship was very okay during the first days, they lived a very happy life. When Kimberly was born, they were so excited about their first baby, but later they developed postpartum depression and they were arguing and blaming each other on various matters. Brenda felt like Steve was unavailable to help with the baby and for helping around the house whilst Steve blamed Brenda for nagging him on small issues and her critics and it got to a point that the couple thought of separation but they opted to give it a try. To mend the relationship, they decided to go on dates once a week and went on a holiday together. Weeks after their return they were overwhelmed with the news that Brenda was pregnant with their second baby. This time though, they had a conversation and agreed to be there for each other. Things were getting better and Steve was taking good care of Brenda. He made her feel comfortable and safe and she reduced her demands on Him. Their fight started again after the birth of their son Kevin. With Brenda under the care of two children, she was overwhelmed and would ask Steve often to be home early or opt to work from home because she felt abandoned but they were both exhausted and drained of energy, but with Steve he was now a workaholic, would come home tired and immediately retire to bed and more often he would miss on family dinner, with bitterness and anger taking over their relationship, Steve requested for a trial separation but Brenda got devastated and desperate about it and asked him to consider couples therapy of which Steve agreed.

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4 This series of fights is the reason a joint approach of IRT and Gottman theory could be the best approach For Brenda and Steve since it appears like they are having endless issues. Such problems are likely to reduce goodwill. As per Gottman, the main idea is not to fully settle the problem but to properly comprehend the other partner's point of view ( Findley, 2020) . Couple Goals ● Promote mature communication to settle problems. ● Fulfill each other’s desires on a personal degree and as a couple. ● Renew intimacy in the marriage. Treatment Plan After the first session with Brenda and Steve, it was advisable for the couple to first work on their personal desires since that is one of their objectives. Brenda has been having a hard time raising two kids and feels like Steve is not giving her enough assistance since he is not at home most of the time. On the other side, Steve feels Brenda has been complaining a lot and he finds the home environment toxic which is why he has been avoiding Brenda and going home as well. For Brenda and Steve to clearly state what their personal desires are, the therapist suggested having individual sessions with each partner. During this individual session, the couples can freely tell what they feel they need from the other partner without the other partner feeling as if they are being criticized since they are not present ( Williams, 2023) . After this individual session, the couple will meet with the therapist and discuss each other’s desires and also tell how often they would like to have the therapy sessions. After attending a few sessions, Brenda and Steve fully understood their needs both as a couple and on a personal level. The couple said that they both felt overwhelmed by the problems they were experiencing in their relationship. Due to this feedback, the therapist recommended the

5 couple to take time to themselves a few times a week. This can be something that can be incorporated into their weekly schedule so that they both can be aware of each other's whereabouts. The act of determining individual needs enabled the couple to identify the insecurities they had in their marriage and formed strategies on how to solve them. This is the point where Imago relationship therapy comes in. Imago conversation enables partners to engage in a dialogue that involves empathizing, validating, and mirroring each other ( Hashemi et al., 2021) . Brenda claims that her ongoing pursuit of Steve throughout their fights or disagreements derives from her sense of rejection; she suspects he might abandon her and reflects that worry by attempting to fix their difficulties as soon as possible. Brenda experienced abandonment whenever Steve left the house. Brenda managed to express her worries to Steve utilizing Imago Relationship Theory, and Steve was able to confirm her sentiments and subsequently express his sympathies to Brenda. Steve was allowed to stay, but he was retreating and avoiding Brenda since he was unable to endure the friction and fights any longer; it was "too much" for him, and he wanted a bit of time. The Imago Relationship Therapy discussion allows both parties to express their thoughts, have their emotions acknowledged by the other party, and lay out their requirements ( GODFREY, 2021) . Brenda wants to be certain that once Steve departs, he isn't abandoning her, but Steve requires space amidst disagreement to simply take a break. Following more conversations with the therapist, Steve and Brenda agreed that whenever Steve wanted time, he would offer her an indication to let her understand, and such a gesture would let Brenda realize that Steve was not abandoning her but simply seeking a moment off.

6 Building love maps with Brenda and Steve would constitute the subsequent phase in the couple's therapy procedure, which is linked to the Gottman approach since both Brenda & Steve managed to articulate their initial reasons for falling in love. Love maps are a three-step procedure that can assist partners in "remembering the key moments in their respective backgrounds and keep upgrading their understanding as the realities and emotions of their spouse's world evolve ( Gottman & Gottman, 2017) ." The first step is Asking Brenda and Steve Open-ended questions regarding each other and having them answer. These questions would include: ● What are some of the things that stress your partner? ● What is your partner’s main hobby? ● Name one of your spouse’s fear ● Explain deeply what your spouse is up to today Such questions can help the two partners understand each other deeply and reestablish any lost intimacy in the marriage. Updating love maps often together can assist in enhancing a great bond within the marriage. The second phase in the love map method is to "cultivate affection & respect through requesting both partners to establish a mental routine which monitors their surroundings for things their spouse is doing right ( Nazarpour et al., 2019) ." Such a conversation is possible once Brenda lets Steve take the moments he requires; Steve may convey something to Brenda that validates his requirements while additionally recognizing hers, such as "Thank you for valuing my time for seeking some alone time, as an assurance I am not abandoning you." The third phase, which consists of two components, is "converting towards bids for association instead of away or against." A bid is the first step towards making a connection; it

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7 starts with one individual declaring a desire to establish a relationship ( Cole & Cole, 2020) . Seeking the spouse's attention, showing pleasure in or longing for discussion, expressing humor, and tenderness, making a sexual encounter, being warm, and empathetic, and offering support, aid, or assistance are examples of this kind of relationship. In the second section of this lesson, the other person responds by either moving away from, in the direction of, or in opposition to the spouse who made the request. Brenda may start inviting Steve to attend dinners with his family so that she may experience a connection with him, & Steve could move closer to Brenda in an attempt to improve their communication and closeness. As previously stated, the creation of love maps and the use of imago dialogue are helpful first steps towards helping both partners set up communication whilst acknowledging and confirming the other person's feelings, ideas, desires, and wants ( Williams, 2023) . Steve and Brenda ought to comprehend that the ultimate objective is to better comprehend each other's perspective rather than find a solution. to get out of the pain-stuck state. The first step in assisting Steve and Brenda in overcoming their ongoing issues will be to support them in changing how they communicate. A few instances which can be provided include: ● Being an amazing listener and approving of the other partner’s point of view. ● Ensure the beginning of the dialogue is soft. ● Acknowledge and utilize repair efforts efficiently ● Keep an eye on oneself to prevent getting overwhelmed Learn to accept ● Grow a greater understanding of each other's flaws A different choice that is going to be presented for Steve and Brenda to utilize whenever they suspect they are in disagreement is self-soothing methods. Certain methods, such as concentrating on one's breathing, practicing gradual relaxation of the muscles, and visualizing

8 oneself in a secure area, can assist not just one person's soothing, but also the other person's soothing, allowing for a more calm discourse. Many of the ongoing issues Steve and Brenda cited surrounded their home and their kids, as well as Brenda feeling as if she was performing all of the labor. Participating in the circle approach allows both partners to visualize the challenges they are facing & determine whether they have the ability to make any concessions. The circle approach entails "each spouse sketching a big circle, within which can be included problems on which consensus is achievable ( Rajaei et al., 2019) . Afterward, every partner forms an inner circle around items which they believe cannot be overlooked." For instance, splitting domestic tasks might be a palatable concern for both partners. If Steve puts out the garbage on a particular day, Brenda may take the trash out the following day; this can allow both couples to feel like the responsibilities are being distributed equally and without producing animosity later on. Conclusion Working with John and Carla demonstrated to both of them their ability to save their relationship, as they both desire. By providing them with the skills required to improve their communication, state their needs, & focus on reconnecting with each other, it is hoped that they can rediscover the enjoyment they experienced the moment they first joined a couple. An ongoing effort on both spouses' parts will be required to keep working on their marriage once the therapy session ends.

9 References Cole, C., & Cole, D. (2020). Understanding Long-Term Couple Relationships. Couple Relationships in a Global Context: Understanding Love and Intimacy Across Cultures , 295-309. Findley, K. M. (2020). Therapy at Your Doorstep: Examination of Home-Based Gottman Method Couples Therapy (Doctoral dissertation, California Southern University). GODFREY, E. U. (2021). EFFECTS OF IMAGO RELATIONSHIP AND INTEGRATIVE BEHAVIOURAL COUPLE THERAPIES ON MARITAL DISSATISFACTION AMONG MARRIED INDIVIDUALS OF CATHOLIC CHURCHES IN LAGOS STATE, NIGERIA (Doctoral dissertation). Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. (2017). The natural principles of love. Journal of Family Theory & Review , 9 (1), 7-26. Hashemi, S. M., Shiroudi, S. G., Khalatbari, J., & Abolghasemi, S. (2021). The Effectiveness of Communication Imagery Training (Imago Therapy) Approach on Post- Traumatic Growth and Development in Couples with Spouse Infidelity. International Journal of Applied Behavioral Sciences , 8 (4), 19-26. Nazarpour, D., Zahrakar, K., Pouryahya, M., & Davarniya, R. (2019). Effectiveness of couple therapy based on imago relationship therapy: Its impact on couple burnout. The Neuroscience Journal of Shefaye Khatam , 7 (4), 51-60. Rajaei, A., Daneshpour, M., & Robertson, J. (2019). The effectiveness of couples therapy based on the Gottman method among Iranian couples with conflicts: A quasi-experimental study. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy , 18 (3), 223-240. Williams, B. W. (2023). Turn Towards Each Other: Emotional Connection as a Catalyst for Marital Satisfaction, Especially During Times of Conflict.

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