BFAM 3080_01_ CHRISTIAN FAMILIES exam 2 study guide

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BFAM 3080:01: CHRISTIAN FAMILIES EXAM TWO STUDY GUIDE *Remember to reference class content in your answers. SHORT ANSWER What cultural influences made it so unusual for early Christians to suggest that single adulthood was a viable way of life? No honor in ancient cultures apart from Family honor. No significance, no legacy and no memory Of you without offspring. But both Jesus and Paul were single. “Jesus is the model of the fulfilled human being. The gospels portray a compelling and attractive person, who engages seriously with people and is good company at a party. Yet all the evidence is that he lived as a sexual celibate.” Widows were honored in the church and Played a role in service, unlike the place of widows in ancient pagan (and many modern) societies. (See 1 Timothy 5:9-16.) f. “Because the Christian gospel and hope of the future kingdom de-idolized marriage Christ is the only spouse that can truly fulfill us” What is the “time is short” interpretation of Paul’s instructions (in 1 Corinthians 7) about why it is better to remain single? The “time is short” interpretation. That is, in those circumstances (first century, new Christian movement, persecuted minority), better not to marry. Too much kingdom work to do, Jesus will return any day. b. We should idolize neither marriage nor singleness. Fill in the blanks with the other three pieces of this deadly equation we discussed in class: Hypersexualized culture + ideas of “apocalyptic romance” + Christian values = premature marriage What are some of the common explanations offered by those who think singleness is an inferior “Plan B” for a person’s life? "As soon as you're satisfied with God alone, he'll bring someone into your life." "You're too picky." "As a single, you can be more devoted to God's work." "Before you can marry someone wonderful, God has to make you into someone wonderful."

Name one thing that makes secular author Louise Perry (in The Case Against the Sexual Revolution) critical of “hook-up” culture. Hook-up” culture began in 21st century. “Hook-up” as a sexual encounter minus relationship. a. Current singles culture seems to have no clear pathway for single adults to meet, get to Know each other and eventually marry. b. Some religious communities are trying to Step in and fill that gap Define “limerence.” Noun the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings, but not primarily for a sexual relationship.” According to Parrott and Parrot, expectations that don’t match those that couples often bring into marriage fall into what two categories? Give a brief example of each one. Unspoken rules: how exactly to fold the laundry Unconscious roles: bread winner and house keeper What kinds of relationships do the letters A, H and M represent, according to Parrott and Parrott? A: Enmeshed H: Disengaged M: Interdependent What is the basic premise of Sacred Marriage, the book by Gary Thomas? -What if God designed marriage more to make us holy rather than to make us happy? Using the case of Josh and Kacie (remember them?), how could one or both of them start a “gracious cycles” and get off the “vicious cycles” they’re riding? They need to start actually communicating. Come to one another with humility and explain what's bothering each other.

What is “mutual submission”? Based on Ephesians 5:21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” 2.Learning and affirming each other’s gifts and strengths and deferring to each other accordingly. What’s the difference between “you” statements” and “I” statements in a conflict situation? You're not only throwing blame on the other but you're speaking for them to instead of speaking for yourself. What is “cross-complaining”? Bringing up multiple conflicts to try and win. LISTING In class we listed 4 things that singleness is NOT. What are those 4 things? An inferior Plan B - Synonymous with relational poverty - An excuse for self-absorption - An identity deficit *What 7 false ideas make modern dating so difficult, according to Paul Grimmond in Water for My Camels? 1.“Marriage is simply a social construct.” 2.“Sex is just an appetite.” 3.“Sex and dating are synonymous.” 4.“Smartphones are great for relationships 5. “Pornography is just harmless fun.” 6. “Choice is king.” 7. “If marriage doesn’t work, end it.” What are the 4 “steps” of the “Hollywood formula” for dating according to Chip Ingram? . Find the right person 2. Fall in love 3. Fix your hopes and dreams on that person 4. If it fails repeat steps 1-3

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List the “four myths” about marriage from Parrott and Parrott’s list. - We expect the same things from marriage - Everything good in our relationship will get better - Everything bad in my life will disappear - My spouse will make us home According to Gary Thomas in Sacred Marriage , when the newness of a marriage wears off, couples tend to respond in one of 4 ways. List them. - Break up and try again - Be passive-aggressive - Decide to get along then resign - Pursue each other and intimacy in a deeper way List the 4 “Love Bank Policies” we discussed in class. - It takes several deposits to make up for one withdrawal - Some deposits may require 24 hours before they are posted to the account - When the account is overdrawn, you can't withdraw until you regain the trust of the bank - You must follow the procedures prescribed by your bank

ESSAY Summarize the “brief history of dating in Western society,” how we moved from arranged marriages to “hook-up” culture including the steps in between. Arranged marriages were more about money and social status than love. Courtship only happened in the presence of family and the woman took the initiative. Dating appeared in 1914 and was an individualized process and became more about character than status. Now we have hook up culture where sex is first and character is determined after. Critique some of Timothy Keller’s 8 suggestions for dating that you agree with or disagree with. We’d be pleased to see at least 4 of those 8 in your answer. 1. There are some seasons when you should not seek to marry: in transition, on rebound, because "you need someone," etc. 2. Get more serious about seeking marriage as you get older. (Less about age, more about maturity.) 3. Don't allow yourself to be deeply emotionally involved with an unbeliever. 4. Don't let things get too passionate too quickly. Briefly explain the difference between a relationship that is “enmeshed,” “disengaged,” or “interdependent.” Enmeshed is too dependent on each other so much so that when one side inevitably gives a little because of my different reasonable factors the relationship collapses. Disengaged is too far apart and leads to the couple just going their own separate ways instead of going together. Interdependent is the just right amount of independent and dependent because people can live on their own but they don't want to and both the have the proper support to grow with each other and not be hindered. List the 5 love languages. What do you think is your primary love language? Physical touch Acts of service Gifts Quality Time Words of affirmation Without naming names, describe any 2 unhealthy marriages you have seen and the “type of marriage” they represent, using the descriptions by David Field.

There is this super enmeshed relationship I know where it's pretty much whatever the woman wants while the husband just gives and gives. As soon as he pushes back the relationship is going to blow up. Their type of marriage I think this represents is a helpee/helper marriage. I also know a relationship that died because of financial struggle and infidelity, the wife worked in a factory while the husband couldn't hold a job. Any money the family got the husband took to the bar, and eventually became so distant that he fell in love with another woman. Too independent but this is more due to the mindset of the husband than the fault of the wife. I believe this represents the active passive relationship type. In a brief essay, describe how Josh and Kacie could resolve their conflict in a healthy way, drawing from the 7 guidelines we borrowed from Parrott and Parrott. (We need to find at least a few of those guidelines in your answer.) They need to open a conversation about what's bothering them and the real issue on top of that which is their unspoken rules and expectations. They need to be upfront and direct as possible but be loving about it no need to hit them with a feelings sledge hammer. Obviously, these feelings are very intense as this has been going on for a while use the I statement focus on yourself how you feel and what you can fix instead of what the other one can do for you. Don't bring up other issues like how one doesn't take the recycling out, there's bigger issues to work on. Lastly, appeal to their love language make sure they know that you still love them and want to work this out. Resolving Conflict 1. Don’t run from the conflict 2. Choose your battles carefully 3. Define the REAL issue 4. State your feelings directly 5. Rate the intensity of your feelings 6. Never insult or put down your spouse 7. Stay on THE subject

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