Challenging the System_Maria Christiansen
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School
Brigham Young University, Idaho *
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Course
400
Subject
Medicine
Date
Dec 6, 2023
Type
docx
Pages
3
Uploaded by MagistrateRabbit2625
W11 Apply: Challenging the System
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Department of Home and Family, Brigham Young University Idaho
FAML 400: Family Theory and Dynamics
Sister Susan Webb
11/25/2023
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What was the system (pattern) before you challenged it?
We do not play with children. I was abandoned a few days after being born and grew up
in a family that always gave more importance to the family economic system. We also did
physical work together, but I do not remember anyone sitting down to play with me even once.
This pattern has been repeated with my daughter. Since I was a single mother, I focused only on
satisfying our needs without giving myself time to play with her. My husband has the same
behavior pattern, although in this case his parents did play with him, however, he prefers to be on
electronic devices rather than playing and spending quality time with our children.
What did you do?
This week, one day before the family Thanksgiving gathering, I sat down to talk with my
husband and I faced him with a determined but calm attitude and told him that I knew that there
at his parents' house his brothers would be focused on their computers and that they would
probably invite you to be part of this circle throughout our time there. I asked him not to be part
of that circle unless this is an emergency and that in exchange, we focus on playing with our
children to build a relationship with them and spend quality time as a family. For this we had to
leave our iPads and computers at home.
How did the system respond?
At first, he disliked it since his verbal language was to frown his mouth and eyebrows
(something he only does when something doesn't seem right to him, or he does not feel
comfortable) he also kept a period of silence for a long time trying to reflect on this (he also does
this when he disagrees with something). After this, his response was quite positive, and he agreed
with my point of view and agreed to leave his electronics here. We usually have no problems
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making decisions together, but he does take more time to reflect before deciding so I can say that
this had a positive feedback loop.
Do you feel the system needs to be challenged?
Family systems are mostly passed down through generations, I know that my adoptive
family never played with their parents and that their parents never played with their grandparents
either; That's the reason they never played with me. I am curious to know where my husband
acquired this pattern of preferring electronics over his family time since his parents did play with
him, his grandparents played with his parents and thus his entire family has a pattern of family
behavior quite different from my husband and his brothers.
All systems must be challenged if it is done with a positive purpose, the challenge helps
us grow and better understand what surrounds us. Just like this time after the Thanksgiving
break, we feel more united and eager to play with our children and they know that they can play
with us (that frustration no longer exists in them)
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