Forgiveness in Marriage
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Dec 6, 2023
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Forgiveness in Marriage
Janice Zaugg
Department of Home and Family, Brigham Young University Idaho
FAML 300: Marital Dynamics
Sister Kayla Farr
July 8, 2023
2
Introduction
Over the years, many have wondered what the correlation between forgiveness and
marital satisfaction is.
A number of researchers have taken a closer look into this and results
have been conclusive in finding that there is a direct correlation between forgiveness and martial
satisfaction. Those who are willing to let forgiveness play a role in the marriages experience a
higher level of satisfaction McNulty, JK(2008).
Forgiveness Following Betrayal
Gordon &Baucom (1998) delve into forgiveness from betrayal within a marriage.
Information provided involved couples who were participating in marriage therapy.
Gordon &
Baucom suggested that forgiveness has three stages.
The first stage is response of the person
who has been betrayed.
In the second stage, the offended makes an attempt at giving the
situation a meaning.
The third stage involves the person making adjustments in their life to
move on.
It is during this third stage that forgiveness occurs.
In this selection forgiveness is
presented as a concept which again has three pieces to it (a) for the person to have a balanced
view of the relationship (b) for the person to have a release from negative control that was
caused by the betrayal and (c) for an individual to have a lessened desire to punish the offender.
Marital therapy and its implications are also discussed in this study.
Gordon and Baucom (2003) further continued their research taking a closer look at
understanding forgiveness in marriage.
107 couples agreed to take part in the research.
The
overall average of years couples had been married was 14.9 years. Participants were asked to
think of an incident in their current marriage or past relationship when they had been betrayed.
Using The Forgiveness Inventory, individuals were asked to provide a rating indicating how
much they forgave their partner following a betrayal. This scale had ratings from 1 to 5, 1
3
suggesting they were not able to forgive following a betrayal and 5 expressing they were able to
completely forgive their partner post betrayal.
Results indicated that a large number of
individuals rated their ability to forgive in the one to three range. These ratings were reflective of
the offense that had taken place.
Gordon and & Baucom also suggest that forgiveness is a
dyadic model. Each member in the relationship has to be willing to forgive in order to recover
from a betrayal.
Forgiveness and Marital Satisfaction
In attempt to draw a correlation between forgiveness and marital satisfaction Eyring,
Leavitt, Allsop, and Clancy (2021) conducted a study involving 1,360 couples. Their study and
used an actor-partner interdependence model to make observations of the participants in order to
draw conclusions on whether or not gratitude and forgiveness play a role in martial satisfaction.
Rather than focusing on forgiveness and gratitude as individual indicators of sexual and
relational satisfaction, Eyring et al. used an integrated model with participants.
Results from the
study showed that there is a direct correlation to sexual and marital satisfaction among those
couples who implemented both forgiveness and gratitude in their relationship.
Results were also
conclusive in showing that these couples were more mindful of each other. This would support
that those who choose to focus positive emotions within a marriage will experience greater
satisfaction her.
In addition to Eyring et al., Fincham, Frank, May and Ross (2017) also
conducted extensive research on forgiveness and martial satisfaction.
Fincham et al. conducted
three different studies exploring the connection between prayer and forgiveness in a relationship.
The first study observed a group of undergraduate students who were in a romantic relationship.
This was to see effect of prayer for their partner in relation to forgiveness.
Study #2 observed
married couples and collected data from both partners to see if prayer in the relationship lead to
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forgiveness and marital satisfaction.
Study #3 observed couples to see the effect of a partner
praying for forgiveness for their spouse. Prayers that were offered included those asking for the
ability to forgive as well those to accept forgiveness.
In all three studies the results were
conclusive that relationship closeness and prayer had a significantly high relation to forgiveness
and greater percentage of happiness.
Those who were able to forgive experienced greater peace,
happiness and satisfaction within their marriages.
Mirzadeh & Fallahchai (2012) set out to see what impact forgiveness and marriage had
on women specifically.
They tested the hypothesis that a direct relationship exists between
forgiveness and satisfaction among married women. The Enright Forgiveness Inventory (EFI)
and the ENRIGHT Martial Satisfaction Scale (EMS) were used to evaluate the collected data.
Through this research, Mirzadeh and Fallahchai were able to conclude that there is a direct
correlation linked to forgiveness in marriage and satisfaction of women. Those who were willing
to forgive experienced a higher level of martial satisfaction.
It was also discovered that
forgiveness was found to predict the effectiveness of conflict resolution in the future within
marriages.
Benefits of Forgiveness Within a Marriage
Through research Fincham, Hall and Beach (2006) give an overview of what forgiveness
looks like and how it is beneficial in marriage.
Fincham et al. discuss how forgiveness is
different from accepting, excusing, or condoning the behavior or excuse. They take a closer look
at the impact forgiveness has on a marriage and discuss their findings that it is the cornerstone to
a successful marriage.
Also included is a review of major research and clinical efforts to better
understand the effects of forgives and marital satisfaction. Fincham et al. continued their research
in 2007 as they examined 91 married couples and the quality of their marriage in regards to
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forgiveness.
The data the couples provided was based off of two separate incidents that had
occurred during their marriage.
The couples were assessed using the Marital Adjustment Test, a
self-reporting questionnaire in which the individuals evaluate multiple dimensions of their
satisfaction in their marriage.
Participants were also asked to identify a time they felt most hurt
or mistreated by their partner, how they resolved the problem and the role that forgiveness played
in the situation.
It was determined that for women, forgiveness came first and then marital
satisfaction followed whereas for men their ability to forgive was directly related to their marital
satisfaction.
Fincham et al. were not alone in their efforts to conduct studies on the impact of
impact of forgiveness in marriage. James K. McNulty (2008) conducted a research study
involving 72 couples.
These couples were observed to see their tendencies to forgive their
spouse for wrongdoings during the first two years of their marriage. As part of the study,
McNulty was also attempting to determine the potential long-term benefits of forgiveness within
a marriage and also the long-term costs.
The couples were contacted every six months to collect
data and were assessed with the Quality Marriage Index to determine their level of marital
satisfaction.
Research showed that the long-term benefit of forgiveness in a marriage was greater
satisfaction.
Results also concluded that spouses who were married to partners who reacted
negatively less often remain more satisfied and are also more forgiving.
Listed as a long-term
cost of forgiveness in a marriage was that there was a greater chance of repeat offenses by a
transgressor and lack of accountability on their part.
This led to frustration on the forgivers’ part
which intern led to lower satisfaction.
In both studies researchers were able to present
conclusive results that the long-term benefits of forgiveness in marriage outweighed the long-
term cost.
Change in Willingness to Forgive Over Time
6
.Pronk, Tila,Buyskcan-Tetik, Ausman, Ilias, Mariana,Finkenauer &Catrin ( 2019) conduct
research in effort to examine whether levels of self-control and forgiveness change over the
course of a marriage.
In order to do so, 199 newlywed couples were followed through their first
four years of marriage.
Initial data was collected after 3 months of marriage and then annually
for the following years. Participants were given a 90-minute questionnaire to fill out
independently and were observed to prevent communication between partners.
The
questionnaire was measuring forgiveness, self-control, relationship satisfaction and level
commitment.
To assess forgiveness researchers used The Tendency to Forgive Scale and to
assess self-control The Self Control Scale was used.
Through this study, it was determined that
marriage serves as a training ground for individuals become more forgiving.
Results were
conclusive that forgiveness increases as commitment to the person increases.
Therefore,
researchers discovered that people in fact become more self-controlled and forgiving over the
course of a marriage. Interestingly enough Oranthinkal and Vansteenwegen (2006) also
conducted a study to determine if there was an association between forgiveness and marital
satisfaction over time.
As part of the research, a comparative study involving a total of 787
married participants was done.
Of these individuals 424 of them were first time married and 363
were remarried.
The EFI (a 60 item self-reporting measure) and the MMQ(a 20 item scale rating
maladjustment) were used to rate the participants.
Overall, there was not much difference in
willingness to forgive between those on their first marriage and those who are remarried.
However, a higher level of satisfaction was shown among those who were remarried.
From this
study and association between martial satisfaction and forgiveness was determined and there is a
positive correlation between general wellbeing and forgiveness. Also determined was that
people’s self-control and willingness to change increases over the years.
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Conclusion
Through extensive research conducted over the years we are able to see the impact that
forgiveness has on marriage.
Those who implement forgiveness in their marriages tend to have
higher rates of martial satisfaction.
Though research is conclusive in determining the benefits of
forgiveness in marriage, there are questions that still remain.
Is there a correlation between the
amount of time it takes to forgive a spouse and the level satisfaction experienced?
Does an
individual’s religious worship play a factor in their willingness to forgive?
Perhaps as research
continues to uncover the effects of forgiveness and martial satisfaction these questions can be
addressed.
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References
Eyring, J.B., Leavitt, Chelom E., Allsop, David B., Clancy, Tyler J. (2021). Forgiveness and
gratitude: links between couples’ mindfulness and sexual and relational satisfaction in
new cisgender heterosexual marriages.
Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy
, 47 (2), 147-
161.
https://pubmed.tandfonline.com
.
Fincham, F & Beach SRH (2007). Forgiveness and marital quality: precursor or consequence in
well established relationships.
The Journal of Positive Psychology
, Vol 2(4), 260-268.
https://greatergood.berkely.edu
.
Fincham, FD, Hall, J, & Beach, SRH (2006). Forgiveness in marriage: current status and future
directions.
Family Relations
, 55, 415-427.
https://greatergood.berkely.edu
.
Fincham, Frank D., & May, Ross W. (2017). Prayer and forgiveness: beyond relationship quality
and extension to marriage. Journal of Family Psychology, 31(6), 734-741.
https://fincham.info.
Gordon, KC., Baucom, DH (1998). Understanding betrayals in marriage: a synthesized model of
forgiveness.
Family Process
, 37(4), 425-449.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
.
Gordon, KC., & Baucom D.H. (2003). Preliminary support for a measure based on a model of
recovery from a marital betrayal.
American Journal of Family Therapy
, 31(3), 179-199.
https://psychnet.org
.
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McNulty, JK (2008). Forgiveness in marriage: putting the benefits into context.
Journal of
Family Psychology
, 22(1), 171-175.
https://greatergood.berkely.edu
.
Mirzadeh, M & Fallahchai, R. (2012). The relationship between forgiveness and marital
satisfaction.
Journal of Life Science and Biomedicine,
2(4), 260-268. https://e-
tarjome.com.
Orathinkal, J &Vansteenwegen, A. (2006). The effect of forgiveness on marital satisfaction in
relation to marital stability.
Contemporary Family Therapy: An International Journal,
28(2), 251-260.
https://greatergood.berkely.edu
.
Pronk, Tila M., Buyukcan-Tetik, Ausman, Ilias, Marina M.A.H.,& Finkenauer, Catrin.(2019)
Marriage as a training ground: examining change in self-control and forgiveness over the
first 4 years of marriage.
Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
, 36(1), 109-130.
https://journals.sagepub.com
.
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