Summary: Part III: The Voice of One Crying in the Wilderness [Silent World — It’s a Rosary]

Xiomara pretends not to hear, even when Aman tries to talk to her. She says, “The world is almost peaceful when you stop trying to understand it.” She asks Father Sean to meet for confession, but he suggests talking in the rectory instead. She tells him she committed lust and disobeyed her parents while thinking that what she has done isn’t even that bad. He asks if she is sorry, and she says no. Xiomara elaborates: she is sorry that she got in trouble and that she had to hide the fact that she kissed a boy. Father Sean says God forgives those who are sorry and asks if this is about more than a kiss. He tells Mami that Xiomara needs more time before confirmation but encourages Mami to be calm because anger is also a sin.

Mami is angry, though, and Xiomara can tell because of how fast she talks in Spanish. She tells her not to embarrass her in church again and that “there are going to be some big changes.” Mami tells her not to turn her back on God and explains that her own punishment was having to marry Papi and not having children for so long. Mami doesn’t know if Xiomara is more like her or Papi, sinner that she is. Xiomara writes that her heart is a fist, her nails biting into her palms. Xiomara writes a poem Mami will never read, first in Spanish then English. She won’t apologize and remarks that Mami’s own mouth has hurt her. She notes that although Mami’s silence causes darkness, moths always seek the light.

Xiomara wonders how kissing could cause so much hurt. She pretends she’s fine but wonders if she is worthy of forgiveness. Xiomara is in pain. She writes in her notebook constantly so she won’t cry. Mami is going to send her to the Dominican Republic for the summer. She wants to tell Aman that he doesn’t have to be sorry and that she can’t win the fight to be with him. Twin asks Xiomara to write a poem about love, and she becomes angry, asking if it’s for “White Boy.” Twin tells her the poem is not for Cody but for her. After the family serves homeless people for Thanksgiving, Mami gives Xiomara her phone back. Xiomara remembers she has no one to talk to.

In a rough draft for Assignment 4, When was the last time you felt free?, Xiomara writes about jumping on furniture with Twin when they were little. When Mami got home, Xiomara leapt at her, knowing Mami would catch her. She doesn’t remember whether Mami caught her, but she probably did, as Xiomara doesn’t remember falling. In a second rough draft, she writes about reciting a poem for Aman. In a third rough draft, she writes about sitting on the stoop, which she calls “a place of freedom.” In her final draft, she writes that freedom is complicated. She hasn’t truly been in prison, but freedom feels like a skyscraper she’s seen from beneath yet never been able to climb. Ms. Galiano leaves a note on the assignment asking if she’s OK.

Ms. Galiano invites Xiomara to poetry club, and since Father Sean isn’t expecting her, she says yes. She can keep Mami from knowing as long as she’s there by the time Mami picks her up. Xiomara looks forward to poetry club, the first thing she’s looked forward to in a long time. She meets a girl named Isabelle, who is friendly and welcoming. Xiomara reads one of her poems at poetry club and feels heard for the first time in a long time. When she hurries to meet Mami at confirmation, Caridad invites her to an open mic event. Meanwhile, school is difficult. Xiomara eats in the bathroom, but Isabelle invites her to eat in the photography room.

One day, Xiomara comes home to find Twin crying—Cody is moving. She comforts him and tells him he needs to stop crying before Mami comes home. She realizes she forgot to call Mami, who is angry when she gets home. Still, when Caridad asks Mami if Xiomara can come to the poetry open mic, Mami says yes. At the open mic, Xiomara learns that Caridad signed her up to perform. She struggles to remember her poem but gains strength as she recites it. The crowd claps wildly, and she realizes she loves performing. Xiomara can’t stop thinking about the open mic and the possibility of attending the poetry slam. Ms. Galiano begins asking Xiomara to say a poem at the beginning of each English class. She tells Xiomara she’s blossoming, and Xiomara thinks she’s right. She makes friends with others, connected by poetry, for the first time.

For Christmas Eve, one of Xiomara’s favorite holidays, Caridad comes over, and the family attends midnight Mass. Xiomara knows not to ask about a gift after the trouble she’s caused, but Mami gives her a small box. She worries it’s a rosary but, somewhat to her relief, discovers Mami has had her baby bracelet resized. She puts it on and feels that Mami’s daughter (“Mi Hija”) is on one side and she is on the other.

Analysis: Part III: The Voice of One Crying in the Wilderness [Silent World — It’s a Rosary]

Xiomara has grown, but without Aman, she doesn’t seem to know whom she is becoming. During this section of the text, she experiences dark, hopeless emotions. In “My Heart Is a Hand,” she speaks of her nails digging into her skin as her fist squeezes, potentially representing that she is causing herself harm. She both feels isolated and isolates herself at times. However, she begins to learn that her writing is her solace; it has the power not only to help her discover her thoughts but also to build community, which becomes a support for her.

Xiomara’s conversations with Father Sean show both that she is finding her voice by asking questions and that Father Sean is someone who will help her. Rather than telling her what she must do, as Mami does, Father Sean shows Xiomara that she’ll have to come to believe on her own. In the moment, Xiomara isn’t sure whether Father Sean is helping or hurting her with Mami, but their interaction ends up showing her that religion is not necessarily black and white: there may be shades of gray. This means there may be a place for religion in her life, after all.

The interactions between Mami and Xiomara in this section give insight into Mami’s life before coming to the United States. She feels punished by God and has projected this onto Xiomara her whole life. She seems to want Xiomara to become the nun Mami wasn’t allowed to become, which explains why she has been both so bothered by and controlling of Xiomara’s body and thoughts. Xiomara rejects Mami’s control and the idea that Xiomara’s body is a sin—her voice is developing, and she’s willing to use it.