faml220_document_Apply-Influence-Pyramid_(Final-Part3)

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1 Applying the Influence Pyramid (Final Part 3) Dixie Drowns BYU-Idaho FAML 220 Melanie Smith December 14, 2023

2 Applying the Influence Pyramid (Final Part 3) Relationships can be challenging places to apply the Influence Pyramid. The more I used these tools, though, the more I realized how much better my relationships were getting. My niece has been the object of my internalized expectations in the past. Approaching a relationship in this manner is challenging. I would have these expectations, but she wouldn’t about them, and then I would become unhappy with her because she did not fulfill what I had anticipated she would do. When I do this, it strains my relationship with her. My focus has shifted to developing our relationship through dialogue, attentive listening, and understanding. My relationships have flourished since I started paying more attention to how I treat her. Section 1: Demonstrating the Bottom Three Levels of the Pyramid As I work towards a state of mental and emotional stability, I intend to document the steps I take to deepen my connection with my niece, become more involved in her life, and establish mutual trust. Way of Being (Obtaining a Heart at Peace I felt that I was in the “better than" box. Because of her lack of listening skills, contempt for others' expectations, and bad decision-making, I felt she should change. My emotions and perception of her were being clouded by the limitations imposed by the box I was in. My inability to be there for my niece when she needed comfort, support, and recognition was revealed when I realized I had betrayed myself by criticizing her instead of being as supportive as I could have been. Her behavior, such as being smart mouthed or ignoring my questions or comments, validated my negative attitude, and thus "the choice to betray myself" became my decision of going to war. My perception of her changed to that of an object because of this, and I became perplexed by every single thing she failed to do or failed to do. The more I bought into

3 my victim mentality, the less I noticed how I was treating her badly. After coming to the realization that my emotions were conflicted, I managed to regain my composure and acknowledge the responsibility I had to contribute to reconcile the relationship. For things to turn around, I had to take stock of my emotions, reflect on my interactions with her, and come up with solutions that were within my control. When I put myself in her shoes, I am better able to understand her concerns, fears, wants, and needs. The importance of being genuine when communicating my emotions and thoughts to her has been driven home to me by this experience. Teens have an innate sense of when our emotions are clashing with theirs. Her disrespect for me and my lack of respect for her are both caused by the way I behave within the box, which invites opposition or conflict. She won't feel comfortable enough to tell me about her life or her problems if I don't show her compassion. As I persisted with the foundational tasks, I came to appreciate the vital role I played in achieving my goal. Build the Relationship with Others Who Have Influence I needed to connect with those who have a significant impact on her before I could begin to make peace with her. There were a few teachers who appeared to have quite a bit of impact on her as well as she had recently picked up new friends that I had not yet had the opportunity to meet. To begin, I was only familiar with their names; however, as I tried to become more acquainted with them, I began to pay attention to the way they engaged with her and behaved toward her. They accepted my niece for who she was, and she felt safe enough to be her genuine, offbeat, inquisitive self. Their actions are satisfying his desires and needs, and I felt compelled to acknowledge that I was failing to provide those necessities and wants in return. The influence pyramid taught me a lot of new things. It was comforting to see how other people perceived her, and it also shed light on some of her anxieties. She is terrified that she will lose the people she

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4 has finally found to whom she feels a connection. Her mother is moving their family to another town an hour away. I didn't realize she was so upset about this, so I have made a point to drive her to see her friends a few times a month. Build the Relationship Our relationship has been strengthening and expanding, and I've been able to see things from a whole new angle thanks to my efforts to think outside the box. I came to understand that she needed to be loved and reminded that she is a great human being with the capacity to develop herself as I listened to her and learned more about her. She preferred to be acknowledged as an equal to those around her, rather than be treated like a child. She needed someone that could help her in recognizing her emotions and the things over which she had control. Section 2: Demonstrating the Top Three Levels of the Pyramid Dialogue Zoe: I hate school. I don’t want to go! (I walked away for 10 minutes and came back) Me: Can I come in and talk? Zoe: Whatever Me: Do you want to talk about it? Zoe: I just hate school. I don’t like it. It’s stupid. Me: I hear what you are saying. Is there anything I can do? Zoe: I don’t know. I just hate going to school. I hate doing homework. I don’t understand what I am supposed to learn. Me: Would you like it if I could get somebody to help you so that you understand your homework better?

5 Zoe: Maybe Me: I think it would help you understand your homework better Zoe: Ok Me: Have you asked a teacher for help? Zoe: No Me: What if we talked to the teachers and asked if they would help you after school? Zoe: Yeah, we can do that too. Me: Ok. We will do that. Zoe: Thanks Aunt Dixie Me: Your welcome Zoe Explain and Connect As a result of my interaction with my niece, I have realized that things go more smoothly when I approach her from a place of peace and with an approach in place. I find that we can communicate better and get to the bottom of things much more quickly when I take a few steps away from the situation to collect myself. We can grow closer to one another and strengthen our relationship when we communicate more effectively.