IND301 CARES Peer Review
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School
Charter College, Anchorage *
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Course
INL102
Subject
English
Date
Dec 6, 2023
Type
docx
Pages
4
Uploaded by MegaIron8870
CARES Peer Review Feedback
Template –IND301
Adapted from the
Excelsior OWL
Writer:
Zane Caudill
Reviewer:
Tips to remember while reviewing:
Note: The least helpful comment to receive from a peer reviewer is "It looks good to me."
Focus most of your attention on Higher Order Concerns: thesis, audience, purpose, organization, use of
evidence
Only address Lower Order Concerns sparingly: sentence structure, punctuation, word choice, spelling,
formatting
Make comments in spirit of helpfulness. Take comments in spirit of helpfulness.
C
ongratulate
What does the writer do well? (List at least two aspects.)
1.
The writer effectively communicates the purpose of the essay in the introduction
paragraph. They make it clear that the essay will discuss the importance of the United
States prioritizing the security of maritime trade routes due to its impact on the economy
and potential threats from hostile powers. This sets a clear direction for the reader.
2.
The essay is well-structured with clear supporting points and evidence provided for each
point. Each section is logically organized, making it easy for the reader to follow the
writer's argument.
A
sk clarifying questions
Part 1: What part(s) of the introduction or outline were confusing or left you with questions?
Why?
In the introduction paragraph, the writer mentions, "Should the industry be disrupted in regard to
the United States it will affect not just the economy at large the ready supply of goods to every
American." This sentence could be made clearer by specifying what "the industry" refers to and
explaining how its disruption would impact the supply of goods.
Part 2: What suggestions (three or fewer) do you have for revising the unclear parts? (E.g.
clarify the thesis, add stronger topic sentences, proofread, change or add sources, etc.)
1.
The introduction provides a broad overview of the topic but could benefit from a clearer
and more concise thesis statement that directly states the main argument or purpose of the
essay. This will help readers immediately understand the focus of the paper.
2.
Some sentences are long and complex, which makes it harder for readers to follow the
main points. Breaking down some of these lengthy sentences into shorter, more concise
sentences could improve readability.
3.
The conclusion section in the outline could be expanded to provide a brief summary of
the key takeaways or implications of the essay. This can help readers understand the
significance of the presented arguments.
R
equest more
What arguments, evidence, or explanations would you like to know more about that can enhance
the paper?
Consider adding a section in the conclusion that briefly outlines potential solutions or policy
recommendations to address the issues raised in the paper. How can the U.S. better secure its
maritime trade routes and protect its economic interests? Explain in more detail why some might
argue that the U.S. maritime industry is too robust to be easily affected. Provide
counterarguments with additional evidence or examples to strengthen your position. Provide
more context on the potential scenarios or flashpoints in which military force might be required
to secure maritime shipping routes. What are the implications for global security and the U.S.
economy?
E
valuate its value
Part 1: What specific evidence did not work in this assignment (e.g. doesn’t support the thesis)
or could be moved to be more effective? (List at least two pieces of evidence).
1.
Supporting Detail in Point 1 (Maritime Trade Routes and the U.S. Economy):
o
The evidence provided to support the point about the United States' economic
dependence on maritime trade routes is the sale of weapons to Taiwan in 2017.
While this evidence shows a financial transaction, it doesn't directly connect with
the idea of the United States' economic reliance on these routes. To enhance this
point, it would be more effective to provide data or examples directly linking the
stability of maritime trade routes to the U.S. economy, such as the value of goods
transported through these routes, the number of jobs they support, or their impact
on GDP.
1.
Supporting Detail in Point 3 (Military Conflict and Economic Consequences):
o
The evidence mentioned under this point is the impact of "Demand uncertainty"
on cost and customer service performance (Acar et al., 2010). While this evidence
is relevant to the potential economic consequences of military conflict, it's
somewhat vague. It would be more effective to clarify how demand uncertainty,
particularly in the context of maritime trade routes, could lead to economic
degradation. Additionally, providing specific examples or case studies that
illustrate this impact would make the argument more compelling.
Part 2: Evaluate the value and effectiveness of the counterargument evidence provided. How
could this section be more effective?
The counterargument presented in this assignment has room for improvement to make it more
effective. In Section IV, where it tackles opposing viewpoints, it tries to counter the notion that
the U.S. maritime industry is exceptionally resilient. While it presents data regarding crude oil
and gasoline production, it falls short of establishing a strong connection between this data and
the potential challenges that disruptions to trade routes might pose. Although it briefly mentions
the adverse effects of the COVID-19 pandemic on U.S. oil prices, this connection could benefit
from a more explicit and robust explanation to strengthen the counterargument. To bolster this
section's effectiveness, it should introduce more concrete evidence that directly challenges the
opposing perspectives, clearly demonstrating its relevance and providing a more compelling
argument. Furthermore, addressing potential counterarguments would further fortify its stance.
S
ummarize
Part 1: Overall, what new information have you learned or how are you thinking differently after
this reading?
After reading this assignment, I have gained a deeper understanding of the critical importance of
maritime trade routes to the U.S. economy and national security. The assignment effectively
highlights the interconnection between maritime trade, economic stability, and military
preparedness. It emphasizes the significance of maintaining control over key shipping routes and
ports, especially in rising tensions, such as those seen in the Taiwan Strait. Furthermore, it sheds
light on the potential repercussions of losing control over these routes, including the possibility
of major military conflicts. The counterargument section, although needing some improvement,
encourages critical thinking by addressing opposing views, such as the resilience of the U.S.
maritime industry. Overall, this reading has prompted me to consider the multifaceted
implications of maritime trade beyond its economic aspects, including its role in national security
and geopolitics.
Part 2: Reflect on how evaluating your peer’s work and completing this review can help you
improve your own work.
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After examining this assignment, I’ve had the opportunity to see how effective organization,
clear transitions, and well-supported arguments contribute to a coherent and persuasive essay.
I've observed the importance of presenting evidence that directly supports your claims and
countering opposing perspectives with strong rebuttals. Additionally, this exercise has reinforced
the significance of maintaining a clear focus on your thesis throughout the entire essay. It serves
as a reminder to incorporate compelling and relevant evidence to support your arguments fully.
Overall, reviewing this assignment has offered a practical learning experience that can help
refine my own writing skills and enhance the effectiveness of my future essays.