Brief Conflict Strategy
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Apr 3, 2024
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CONFLICT STRATEGY
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Brief: Conflict Strategy
Rebekah Fritz
School of Busines, Liberty University
Author Note
Rebekah Fritz
I have no known conflict of interest to disclose. Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Rebekah Fritz. Email: rafritz1@liberty.edu.
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Executive Summary
Statement of Purpose
This paper will apply Christian conflict transformation principles to a recent conflict experienced at a Bible study group.
Key Insights
During an evening Bible Study meeting, a leader openly critiqued my husband, Zach, and
me about how we answered the discussion questions. The triggering event for the conflict occurred in an unsafe space. A conflict’s environment has a tremendous effect on the event. The external conflict was only the episode, not the epicenter, because the relational tension had been building over the past few months. Inflammatory topics and comments had made us uncomfortable previously in the group. Significant cultural and age factors also made my husband and I feel like outsiders in the group. Due to my personal conflict style, my primary instinct was to avoid the hurtful conflict and leave the group. Lily’s direct comments felt aggressive because Zach and I are accustomed to passive or indirect communication in our home
culture. The comments said publicly were painful and made us question our belonging to the community group. By applying the principles of conflict transformation, the conflict can provide an opportunity for growth.
Next Steps The next steps will include forgiveness, prayer, and establishing an appropriate time and location to discuss the conflict. Even if we do not continue attending the community group, it is beneficial for us to seek reconciliation. If our biblical discussions are ostracizing individuals, as Lily suggested, this conflict could be a necessary opportunity for us to improve our awareness.
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Brief Conflict Strategy
Conflict Background This conflict originated in the Bible study group my husband, Zach, and I attend, along with three other couples. An older couple leads the group. Zach and I are the only individuals from outside of Arkansas to attend. The ongoing relationships between the three young couples have been pleasant and supportive. The wife in the older leadership couple, Lily, gravitates towards inflammatory topics and has been quick to correct my husband in particular. As Zach and I come from different denominational backgrounds from the group, our beliefs on social issues have differed widely. The triggering event for this conflict occurred when Lily reprimanded Zach and me in front of the group for hurting the group’s feelings by acting pretentious. The Structure of Conflict
A conflict’s environment has a tremendous effect on the event. A critique made kindly and in private is often more effective in keeping the relationship intact. It is imperative to create spaces for processing disagreements and expressing honest feelings (Brazill, 2020). Lily’s significant age advantage also made the discussion feel unfair. In the space of the group, the honest critique felt awkward and humiliating.
Patterns of Conflict
Conflicts do not occur in a vacuum. Conflicts contain layers of histories, personalities, cultures, etc. John Lederach, the author of The Little Book of Conflict Transformation, states that
conflicts have an epicenter and an episode (2003, p. 41). In the example conflict, the epicenter is the tension felt between Zach, Lily, and me. Zach and I also felt like outsiders because we are from the American North, where communication styles are much different from the American
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South. This tension had gone unaddressed for months until the episode occurred. Without the history of strained conversations, the public correction would not have seemed so hurtful.
Personal Conflict Style
As relayed in an earlier brief, my personal conflict style is avoidant and people-pleasing. Without applying good conflict transformation skills, my first instinct is to leave the group and find a new community group. It is tempting to avoid the tediousness of discussing conflicts in favor of avoiding any sort of confrontation. However, because I am aware of the strengths and weaknesses of my personal conflict style, working through the conflict instead of ending the relationship is a worthwhile challenge.
Conflict Analysis
After Lily’s comments over the past few months, her critique furthered our feelings of being analyzed. We felt shamed and embarrassed. Due to the setting and our conflict styles, we did not respond with more than an “okay.” In an ideal situation, we could have asked questions to understand her feelings further and gently express our feelings. All parties’ approaches to the conflict were flawed. Instead of viewing each other as problem-solvers, as Fisher, Ury, and Patton (2011) suggest, we viewed Lily as an adversary. This viewpoint stopped any possibility of
collaboration on this conflict.
The Language of Conflict
It is essential to note the differing communication styles present in this conflict. In my home culture, the American North, conflict is approached delicately and sometimes passive-
aggressively. Often, conflicts are not addressed in hopes that the situation will resolve itself. Lily
utilized direct, public communication, which was interpreted as aggressive and offensive. Her
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comments left no ambiguity about her feelings on the issue. This type of communication can be beneficial by preventing uncertainty and miscommunication.
Forgiveness
Ultimately the situation requires forgiveness. Whether we continue attending the group or
seek out another group, we need to forgive Lily. The Bible instructs Christians to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (New International Version, 2011, Ephesians 4:32). As survivors of the Rwandan genocide demonstrated, forgiveness offers victims freedom from the past while still honoring the past (Ordóñez-Carabaño, Prieto-Ursúa, & Dushimimana, 2020). Certainly, a few hurtful words at a Bible study are nothing compared to forgiving your family’s murderer. The Big Picture
As Robert Jones (2012) states in his book Pursuing Peace, God is the key to relational peace (p. 19). Jesus demonstrated relational transformation, and the Holy Spirit guides Christians
today. The next steps will include forgiveness, prayer, and establishing an appropriate time and location to discuss the conflict. Even if we do not continue attending the community group, it is beneficial for us to seek reconciliation. If our biblical discussions are ostracizing individuals, this
conflict could be a necessary opportunity for us to improve our awareness. Hopefully, this conflict is an opportunity to address valid concerns and deepen the relationships between members of our group.
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References
Brazill, S. C. (2020). Pedagogical strategies for teaching a multicultural education course: Creating Safe Space and Brave Space for A Community of Learners. Educational Research: Theory and Practice, 31
(2), 56-71. https://doi.org/101/160905924963
Fisher, R., Ury, W., & Patton, B. (2011). Getting to yes: negotiating agreement without giving in.
Penguin Books. ISBN: 9780143118756.
Jones, R. D. (2012). Pursuing peace: a Christian guide to handling our conflicts
. Crossway. ISBN: 9781433530135.
Lederach, J. P. (2003). The little book of conflict transformation: clear articulation of the guiding principles by a pioneer in the field.
Good Books.
New International Version.
(2011). BibleGateway. Ordóñez-Carabaño, Á., Prieto-Ursúa, M., & Dushimimana, F. (2020). Reconciling the irreconcilable: The role of forgiveness after the Rwandan genocide. Peace and Conflict: Journal of Peace Psychology, 26(2
), 213. https://doi.org/10.1037/pac0000432
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References