Benchmark-Conflict
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Grand Canyon University *
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Communications
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Apr 3, 2024
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docx
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Benchmark
Conflict Natasha Matthews Grand Canyon University COM-312
Marna Bales
November 12
th
2023
Conflict is something that we as individuals endure on the daily basis, whether its personal conflict or work-related conflict, there’s conflict everywhere you turn. Conflict is defined as a serious disagreement and or argument typically one that is a protected one. There are both healthy and unhealthy ways to resolve conflict. Sometimes the unhealthy way of resolving conflict is all that one knows, Over the last couple of days, I have had several conflicts, the one that stands out the most is the one with my Childrens dad. Our conflict comes from not having the proper tolls to co-parent when we are both still hurting. Not being able to actively have a civilized conversation is one part of the conflict, the other one is self-identity, we both struggle in trying to find who we are without being codependent upon each other. Not being able to set the proper boundaries is one conflict I hope to work on down the line. During this course of learning about different conflicts I learned the many kinds of ways conflict is presented. The purpose of this assignment is to explore the negative and positive perceptions of my conflict resolution styles and to develop new ways for growth and healthier resolution techniques. Conflict presents danger and opportunity whether it seems worth it or not. Growing up from different sides of life and situations handling conflict is shown differently within families for instance my children’s dad was adopted so growing up he has this avoidance conflict within himself that he didn’t even know he had, he also struggled from abandonment issues. I on the other hand grew up in a single-family home with 2 sisters, our conflict style was aggressive and corrective, our mom never showed us relationship conflict because she never really had men around us to show us how to be able to get through that. It was said that very early attachment styles, known as secure attachment or insecure attachment to parents, typically affect conflict resolution abilities 20 or so years later. Securely attached infants and children use their caregivers as a source of comfort in stressful situations. Insecurely attached infants don’t use and can’t rely on their caregivers to provide
comfort. (Joyce Hocker, 2022)
The textbook was able to break down the five styles of conflict resolution and how they are perceived from others. The first style explained was obliging, which is explained that obliging others is normally driven by low self-esteem which in turn causes the person to place the needs and opinions of others above their own. Another style that was explained was integration, which is described as person who values their own concerns and the person, they are having the initial conflict with. The textbook also describes the style of compromising which is the most common form of conflict resolution. The last and final style of conflict resolution is called dominating which is one style my family says is one of the styles I present. (William W. Wimot, 2018)
Interview perceptions I asked my sister and mother if I can interview them on how they view my perceptions of conflict and I was Quite shocked at the feedback that I received from them both it made me look at myself in
a different light. Starting off is my older sister, I presented the different conflict stules to her and before I could finish, she said my conflict style was dominating because I always want to be right and that I sometimes tend to not think about the feelings and or decisions of others. That shocked me
because I always felt like I was the calmer one when conflict presented itself. After hearing her reason being that she says that I bully more than I try to talk and or handle situations. I got a little upset and had to remember that everyone’s perception of me isn’t always going to be what I want it to be. The positive thing I took from the perception is the fact that I’m able to handle whatever comes at me and not take it to heart as much as I have in the past. One negative thing I took from her
perception of my conflict style is that I’m deemed a bully or troublemaker who doesn’t handle conflict very well.
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The second person I interviewed was my lovely mother who gave birth to me and who I feel inherited some of her conflict styles. When I presented the different styles of conflict, she immediately said I had an avoiding conflict style, when asked why she explained that I tend to remain quit and not say much and build it up where I wouldn’t really try to have an opinion and or deflect from the situation at hand. Although I feel like her perception isn’t at all something I’m proud of, I tend to have that avoidance style up in many situations and just by her explaining to me that I tend to hide behind the actual truth is something that I never realized until doing this assignment. Among the class reading discussing avoidance which in the chapter States that avoidance sometimes helps a relationship and serves as a defense against engagement and confrontation. (Guerrero L. K., 2015). The positives in that are that I have time to reengage in the conflict that is being presented in front of me. It was also stated in the reading in the advantages of avoidance is it can also help me stay away from harm in a relationship. A negative that I took from it is that sometimes avoidance isn’t always the best style to have because it makes it seem like I don’t know how to resolve conflict and instead of trying to work through it I avoid it which is far from the truth. Reflecting When looking at the many different styles and reflecting on my destructive style of conflict I feel I could adapt to help resolve my current conflict style would be obliging only because I feel I’m always the one that accommodates others and their feelings. For instance, the conflict with my children’s dad can be resolved by just finding a better angle of communication and or finding other avenues like therapy and or a conflict mediator to help negotiate the needs of both parties. I feel after getting the feedback I did I can do a lot better in how I choose to handle my conflicts, working on not being as stand-of-fish or avoiding the things that matter help.
References
Guerrero L. K., a. A. (2015). Conflict, emotion, and communication. In The Sage handbook of conflict communication: integrating theory, research, and practice,.
Thousand Oaks: Sage publications.
Joyce Hocker, K. B. (2022). Interpersonal Conflict.
New YYork: McGraw Hill.
William W. Wimot, J. L. (2018). Interpersonal Conflcit .
New York City : McGraw-Hill .
For additional information on APA Style formatting, please consult the APA Style Manual, 7th Edition
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