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Feb 20, 2024

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1 Power and Conflict Styles Lindel L Thomas The University of Arizona Global Campus COM 325: Communication and Conflict Instructor Name: Professor Allison Keating Jones Due Date: 02/05/2024

2 Power and Conflict Styles When we think about conflict, the first thing that may come to mind is when individuals engage in a heated discussion that leads into an argument. It can become a power struggle between two or more individuals that are trying to get their points across, and no one wants to back down. Needless to say, conflict is neither good nor bad and is a part of human nature. Coser (1956) describes conflict as “a struggle over values and claims to scarce status, power and resources in which the aims of opponents are to neutralize, injure, or eliminate their rivals” (Jandt, 2021). It appears that power allows us to control the narrative of the argument which often leads to misunderstandings, hurting the other person’s feelings, and giving the sense of entitlement for your own personal gain. Depending on the situation, conflict can result in positive outcomes as well. For instance, conflict can solve continuous problems, or shed light on ongoing issues that need to be addressed. In this journal, I will share my personal experiences with conflict and how the role of power played into it. I will also touch base on if Western or non- Western communication style was used to resolve it and whether or not the situation could have been handled differently or not. While it appears that conflict is a negative form of communication within a relationship, it is also healthy to engage in conflict within the relationship because it increases growth, teaches us to be patient, as well as building trust and resilience. Personal experience with conflict A personal experience I encountered with conflict was when I went on vacation to Florida and visited my mother after not seeing her for a few years. My mother and I always had a great relationship. However, in the recent years leading up to my visit, I noticed a change in our relationship, and it became more distant. When I arrived, everything seemed fine but her

3 interaction with my children was off to a bad start. My kids were 3 and 4 years old at the time so they were still in the phases of being messy and touching things throughout her home. Kids will be kids but to be honest, her home was not kid friendly. She kept complaining that they were being noisy, and making a mess, and I started to feel as though she didn’t want us there. The last straw was when she berated me for not raising them to be manurable and to respect other people’s things. At that point I just went off. I had enough and I no longer wanted to stay at her home. I went off on her for her behavior and said not so great things about how I felt in the moment. In the end, I ended up leaving and staying at a hotel until things cooled off. This was the first time in my life I had ever argued like that with my mother, and I felt terrible afterwards. She is not a confrontational person, so I knew due to my actions, it was an uncomfortable position I put her in. If I could go back in time to reverse that situation, I would go in a heartbeat. I ended up coming back to her home and apologizing but from then on, I knew our relationship changed once again. Power in conflict When I reflect on my actions during that time, I wanted to gain control of the situation and let her know it was wrong for her to behave in that way. I was seeking power but in return, the situation just escalated and created more conflict. In the heat of the moment, I felt my mother wanted to have control as well, so it became a power struggle which lead to us not speaking for some time. When we are put in situations to defend ourselves, it’s all about how you approach the problem in order to have a positive response (Ellis, 2022). Realizing how I approached the issue; I can agree that it was not the best way which caused further escalation.

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4 Conflict styles There are various ways to deal with conflict, but it depends on the approach you use to reconcile the situation. My approach was the western style communication. According to Jandt (2021), avoiding (withdrawing) is an approach used when trying to avoid the situation. I believe my actions before the argument show that I tried to avoid any conflict with her by allowing her to express how she felt. Secondly, I accommodated her needs by redirecting my children to not interfere with her personal belongings, therefore it would avoid any problems. Once I felt things were getting out of hand, the defensive side to my behavior was displayed. I don’t agree I was competing with her, but I did come to a compromise once the argument deescalated. In the end I still wanted to have a good relationship with my mother which is why I ended up apologizing and speaking with her about how we could rectify the situation. How conflict was handled There are many ways the conflict could have been handled and according to Clarke (2024), there are a few tips to account for when managing conflict, and with the first being to accept it. Conflict is unavoidable but learning how to manage it can only promote growth, have a better understanding and improved communication. A few other tips listed are to listen actively, analyze the conflict, work together, agree to disagree, as well as moving past the position. I believe I handled the conflict ineffectively because I wasn’t able to communicate how I felt without raising my voice to make my point. In the end, this could have been avoided by using a different approach and tone to express my concerns.

5 What could have been done differently I used this experience as a learning opportunity for future conflicts as I wanted to be better at handling conflicts to prevent further escalations. According to Jandt (2021) listening is an effective way to handle conflicts in a better way. The first stage would be hearing and attending to the message. I could have listened to my mothers’ concerns and reacted differently. By understanding what her concerns were, we could have talked about it in a more calming manner. I could have evaluated the situation from her point of view to see how a resolution could have been made. Lastly, I could have provided feedback on my concerns and allowed her to respond to how I felt. Conclusion Learning how conflict can affect a relationship can make you think about the ways we approach a situation and the ways it could have been handled differently. In the end, we should be able to express our thoughts and feelings about a situation without it escalating further. However, the struggle for power sometimes takes over us and can make it harder to back down. We have to be able to effectively listen and communicate how we feel without disrespecting each other which does no justice to resolving the problems. Even though some may view conflict as a negative form of communication, we must also consider that there is healthy conflict which can promote growth, teaches us to be patient, as well as building trust and resilience amongst each other.

6 References Ellis, P. (2022). Conflict management (part 3): dealing with conflict. Wounds U.K., 18 (2) Jandt, F. E. (2021). Conflict and communication (2nd ed.). (n.d.). Tips for Managing Conflict . Clarke University. https://clarke.edu/campus-life/health- wellness/counseling/articles-advice/tips-for-managing-conflict/

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