Daniel Beck_BIBL415_Listening Assignment
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Feb 20, 2024
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Listening Assignment
Daniel E. Beck
Regent University
BIBL 415: Pastoral Counseling
Dr. T. A. Powell
01/19/2024
Summary
The interview was precisely twenty minutes and consisted of active listening skills and the skills explained in Hetzendorfer, Chapter 1: validating, paraphrasing, clarifying, reflecting feelings, and summarizing. The individual I spoke with wanted to discuss her anger and see if it made her feel better talking about it to someone who was not part of the situation. We spoke first
about her boyfriend and what makes her angry. She stated that he is always gone from the house and makes excuses to leave, which did not make sense to her since he was an adult and could leave at his free will, but she just wanted to be communicated with out of respect. She stated that communication between them is not the best due to a lack of empathy, thus causing her and her boyfriend to argue for an understanding of one another's feelings about the behavior mentioned above. He says things out of anger and does it while hollering, causing her to feel angry.
Secondly, we spoke about her mother and how she made her mad. She stated that her mom would always say she was coming over to visit and could never make it. She said it makes her angry because she plans the whole day a week prior, and she is looking forward to spending time with her since her work schedule is variable. She stated that she gets mad because she feels she is just making excuses, like when growing up. She has tried talking to her about it, but every time she tries, she gets shut down or told to stop being a baby about it, ignoring her feelings. The
individual said it makes her mad because she wants to be heard and understood. The individual shared light on how her anger made her feel. She stated that when she gets
angry, it makes her feel so angry that she wants to be left alone. It was also noted that, in extreme
cases, it makes her very anxious. She told me that she already suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and when she gets angry, it flares up and sends her into a panic attack. She avoids situations but does not help create healthy relationships between her mom and boyfriend.
Five Skill Practice
According to Hetzendorfer, Chapter 1: validating, paraphrasing, clarifying, reflecting feelings, and summarizing are the five skills practiced in this interview. Validation in this interview was validating the interviewee’s feelings. This shows I want to walk alongside her to help her find healing and peace.
1
The interviewee stated that she felt angry when her mom and boyfriend made excuses. I validated her feelings by letting her know I could see how it makes her angry when she talks about it. Paraphrasing was used by saying the same thing as the interviewee but in fewer words.
2
When the interviewee talked about how her boyfriend and mom
were not empathetic and stated words that would hurt her feelings, I indicated that they did not understand where you are coming from and said things that would hurt your feelings. Another skill in this interview was clarifying, which guided me to understand better what the interviewee was saying.
3
When the interviewee stated that when her mom did not come over, it felt like she was growing up, I asked her if she could tell me more about what she meant by that. The next skill that was practiced was reflecting feelings. This shows an understanding of the interviewee’s
feelings.
4
When the interviewee talked about her anger, she started playing with her hands and rubbing them on her pants. I showed an understanding of her feelings by stating that I sense that talking about your anger makes you anxious. She replied, “Yes, I do not like feelings this way”. I
responded, I see that being angry bothers you a lot, but I sense that it hurts you, and you want the
acceptance and love you share. After that, she started crying and telling me that was all she wanted. The final skill that was practiced was Summarizing. Summarizing involves listening to all parts of the message (thus far) and bringing them all together.
5
Right before we closed with 1
Ruth Hetzendorfer, The Pastoral Counseling Handbook: A Guide to Helping the Hurting
, 2009, 20.
2
Ibid., 21.
3
Ibid.
4
Ibid., 22.
5
Ruth Hetzendorfer, The Pastoral Counseling Handbook: A Guide to Helping the Hurting
, 2009, 23.
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the interview, I told her that we went over how you get angry at your boyfriend for making excuses to leave, his lack of empathy towards your feelings, and his hollering instead of having a
normal conversation without harsh words being said. We also discussed that your mom makes you angry when she tells you that she is coming over and never does, and she does not understand your feelings of wanting to talk about it and calls you names because you want to talk
about it. Do you think your boyfriend does the same things that your mom did when you were growing up and impacts your relationship because he does those same things?
Assignment difficulty
The most challenging part of this assignment was the skill of “reflecting feelings.” It was hard when she showed her emotion by crying because she just wanted to be loved and understood. My reaction to this was that I almost froze. It was like for a minute, I felt her pain, but I was running out of words. Bringing that emotion outward was hard to see, but also comforting that the interview was helping her let go of “bottled-up” emotions. After the interview, she thanked me, and it was an incredible feeling just knowing that I made someone feel better by listening and understanding.
Bibliography
Hetzendorfer, Ruth. The Pastoral Counseling Handbook: A Guide to Helping the Hurting
, 2009.