Travis Winslow_WR323_Module5_SentenceFocus-ReviseYourOwnSentences
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Ohio State University *
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323
Subject
English
Date
Dec 6, 2023
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Uploaded by JusticeZebraPerson307
Travis Winslow
Professor Drummond
WR 323 – Advances Writing & Argumentation
October 31, 2023
Module 5 | Sentence Focus – Revise Your Own Sentences (Ch. 26)
1.
Original
While many aim to prove that reaching this balance between work and life is
essential to achieving success, this construct is antiquated and can be a hinderance to
reaching one’s goals.
Revised:
Many aim to prove that work-life balance is essential to success, but this idea is
outdated and can hinder people from reaching their goals.
2.
Original:
In a study conducted in London on Nigerian migrant, the findings indicated
that entrepreneurs have less desire for boundaries between work and life as they work
everywhere; this makes long working hours prevalent among them (Adisa et al., 35).
Revised:
A study in London found that Nigerian entrepreneurs have less desire for
boundaries between work and life because they work everywhere, leading to long
working hours (Adisa et al., 35).
3.
Original:
The findings found that the self-employed Nigerian migrants often prefer to be
unmarried and single, or even ending their marriage to focus primarily on success in their
career (Adisa et al., 1).
Revised:
The study found that self-employed Nigerian migrants often prefer to be
unmarried or single, or even end their marriages, to focus on their careers (Adisa et al.,
1).
4.
Original:
While this may seem unhealthy, entrepreneurs often have a different mindset
and set of goals than the typical modern worker.
Revised:
Though this may seem unhealthy, entrepreneurs often have different goals and
mindsets than typical modern workers.
5.
Original:
Throughout one’s development, personally and professionally, the idea of
attaining an ideal equilibrium between work and life is taught to be essential to success.
Revised:
The idea of work-life balance is ingrained in our personal and professional
development.
Citation
Delf, L. (2022, October 1).
It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it
. A Dam Good Argument.
https://open.oregonstate.education/goodargument/chapter/not-just-what-you-say/
Winslow, Travis. “Reframe Essay: Conventional Wisdom The Obsolete Idea of Work-Life
Balance for Entrepreneurs” October 24, 2023. Advanced Writing and Argumentation,
Oregon State University, Essay.
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